Kaidan
by OnyxIvyStone
Summary: Once upon a time a very long time ago there was a great Lord who lived in a palace. A beautiful Lady came to his gate carrying her young son in her arms on an icy winter night. He turned her away and she perished, but that is only the beginning.
1. Yuki

Kaidan Yuki (Snow) 

"It's snowing." There was delight dancing faintly in the whispered words. She reached out and smiled as a few snowflakes fell on her fingertips. Soon others joined the solitary ice crystals and the earth became blanketed in white. She watched from beneath the sill with her hand still extended to catch the dainty, weightless lace.

The soft weight of another leaning against her arm made her smile warm from one of wonder to one of amusement. The girl who was more a young woman now had rested her head against her affectionately as they watched the first snow of winter. "Do you think Sesshomaru-sama will let me play in it?"

"That's a question you have to ask him, Rin." Her voice was liquid with warmth and tenderness that she felt for the once small girl who had managed to disarm the cold and distant taiyoukai as no skilled samurai had ever managed to.

"Do you think that perhaps he would let me if you came with me?"

Kagome chuckled and turned to look at the dark haired girl. Over the years, she had grown into a perfectly behaved lady befitting the position she held as Sesshomaru's adopted daughter. It worried Kagome at times, but then again she was not a part of this era. She never would be. She kept her worries to herself concerning Rin. Before anything else, Kagome was a guest in Sesshomaru's home even if it had become her permanent residence and she did not wish to wear out her welcome. "Again, Rin, you will have to ask him that question. Though, if you do decide to ask him, make sure you tell him that I wouldn't mind going outside with you if he permitted it."

Her eyes danced with a childish glee reminding Kagome that the girl was still very much a girl and not a woman. At thirteen, after eight years beside Sesshomaru, the innocence, wonder and delight that had so easily captured the love of so many was preserved. It was that same purity that had reminded so many of Kagome when they looked on the young Rin and the same gift which had manifested itself as power. It was for that reason that Kagome, lost in the world and nearly entirely alone, was asked by Sesshomaru to train Rin as a miko. She had agreed on the stipulation that Shippo was allowed to join her at the taiyoukai's palace. In the four years since, Kagome had made a home with her adopted son beside the icy Lord and his sweet, warm daughter. "I'll go and ask him now!" She giggled and jumped up and raced to the door of the sitting room where they had been watching the snows together.

She remembered herself a few feet away from the door and slowed to a stop. Kagome could see the faint blush on her cheeks before she smoothed her kimono and hair and walked out into the hallway. Once the girl had gone, the miko sighed and looked out into the gradually building storm. The white reminded her of snowy strands of silken hair blowing back behind a long lost hanyou as he sat and watched the sun set. She remembered reaching out from where she sat behind him, letting her fingers feel the caress of the pure white unknown to him as the wind fingered through each tress. She had always loved him. A part of her always would and, in the end, she had known how much he loved her. He had simply never said the words.

"Rin tells me that you would accompany her outside to… Spin in the snow." The words seemed foreign on his tongue, but they had been the girl's description and he could find no other means of describing the recreation his daughter had in mind. He mused silently that the miko had not noticed his approach this particular instance. He had only noticed her surprise because of the catch in her breath and that she had not addressed him upon entering the room. She had actually turned before she had spoken to him, indicating she had been deep in thought. He did not allow himself to contemplate what or whom she had been thinking of. It would have left a sour taste in his mouth for the rest of the day and into the next and he had no desire to experience such a thing again.

Kagome smiled faintly once her surprise had settled. Sesshomaru could only surprise her when she was thinking of Inuyasha. After telling him as much the first time he had caught her unaware and seeing the instant scowl and look of infinite frustration, she had stopped sharing her thoughts on his brother with him. She didn't share them with anyone. Shippo knew. He had never said he was aware of where her mind went when her deep blue eyes seemed miles and years away, but Kagome knew he understood. The kitsune was nothing if not perceptive. But then so was Sesshomaru. "I actually told her that I would be happy to go out with her to play if she wanted to and you said yes. Spinning in the snow as it falls sounds fun, though. Rin always has good ideas."

His lips quirked slightly in the faintest of smiles, but it were his eyes that carried his amusement. Kagome had long learned not to pay attention to the taiyoukai's expressions or the actual words he spoke. What she listened to was his tone and what he allowed to escape when he spoke. What she watched was his eyes and how they changed with the shifting of his emotions. He was so greatly in control of himself that even those shifts and allowances were slight, but Kagome, as Rin had before her, could read the cool inuyoukai Lord. Once Kagome had learned to read him, she had found herself as loyal to him as Rin had become. He had inherent nobility to his person even though he was cold and distant. His cruelty was an unfortunate byproduct of his battle to hold onto control of his father's lands, however, once Naraku had been defeated and Tenseiga had been absorbed into Tetsuaiga, Sesshomaru had found his own strength. Years later there was not a youkai or human who questioned his power and rule. He was not loved, but he was respected and throngs were loyal to him as their Lord from all breeds that lived in his lands. Rin, Kagome and Shippo were the closest to him and so they were forgiven many things and also given insight and consideration over all others. In return they gave him loyalty, respect and that which he had secretly craved his whole life. They gave him a family.

"If you are to go spinning, ensure you both are properly covered. There are boots available for you and I will have Jaken alert that once you return you will be given a hot meal. Neither of you are to become ill."

Kagome smiled and met his gaze in thanks and warmth for his care. She knew that he was not ordering them not to become ill. He was simply voicing his concern and desire that they remain well so he did not need to worry about their health. "We'll be careful, I promise." She stood slowly, again noting the soft quirk of his lips and how his eyes shimmered as she approached him. "How is Shippo's training going?"

He reached out with his regenerated arm. The miko had given him much in the time she had resided in his home aside from the return of his limb, however it was the most visible and a constant reminder of her presence. He took her hand gently and the faintest frown creased his brow below the crescent. "Your hand is cold."

"I was catching the snow." She murmured, noting how warm his hand was wrapped around her own. His heat seeped into her skin, warming her again. "It is harder than you might think. Snow is fragile. It floats away at the slightest breeze."

"Remaining still ensures such a feat, I would think. Stirring the air might chase them away."

She gripped his fingers just slightly and noticed that he did not pull away. "But once you have hold, it always melts away… Like it were never there."

"So it would seem." He said softly. She could hear the worry in his voice hanging like spider silk across his words. He released her hand slowly and met her eyes again. "Rin is waiting for you. You should spin before the first falling turns into a full storm. I can smell the promise of a thick blanket by the morrow."

"You never told me about Shippo."

"He is sore, but he will live to fight tomorrow morning. Though I am certain he would rather not at this moment."

She laughed faintly and shook her head. Her eyes closed a moment and she sighed before looking back to meet the inuyoukai's eyes. The shade was so similar to Inuyasha's. So similar it was painful. But it was a blissful pain because the shade was just enough different that he was his own. It was the difference between amber and gold, silver and white. It was the difference between the adventure of her youth beside a temperamental hanyou fighting to save the world and her adulthood where her life composed raising two children saved from the cruelty of the world beside a placid and steady taiyoukai working to rebuild and build the future.

"Could you ask Jaken to bring him some sweets for me?"

"He is being trained to be a warrior, Kagome."

"And Rin is being trained to be a miko, but I know for a fact that every evening when she is exhausted from her training you have her favorite meal sent to her to eat in bed rather than having to sit up like a proper lady and eat with us. Let me be a mother to my son as you are father to your daughter."

He bowed his head so that the fuller curve of his smile was hidden slightly by the curtain of his hair. "A fair point. I will ensure it is done. Now go. I do not want Rin disappointed."

Kagome smiled and nodded. As she passed beside him to exit, she allowed her hand to brush his before she rushed to meet with Rin.

He felt the residual warmth of her hand that she had sapped from his touch and smiled inwardly so that his eyes shimmered faintly. The brush of their skin had been deliberate, he knew, for the miko had enough room to ensure they never made contact as she exited the room. The deliberation, her intent, made him glad that he had been standing in perfect stillness.

She met Rin at the main door to the palace and slipped on the boots that had been left for her along with the furred cloak and wrapped gloves that covered all but her fingertips. Once they were ready, they pulled up their hoods and Kagome took Rin's hand, rushing into the icy curtain of white lace. Their laughter made an almost musical harmony as the two held hands tightly and spun together. Fragile crystals clung to their clothing and a few fell onto their eyelashes like heavenly jewels.

From the window he watched the two mortal girls dancing their winter dance and he felt himself smile genuinely as they parted and spun on their own creating whirlwinds of white around them. He closed his amber eyes and sighed. He wanted her pain to fade as Rin's had eventually faded. He understood why it could not. Rin's pain had been that of a child losing her family. That place was filled and that need to show devotion sated by her connection to him. Her pain would never completely leave her, but his presence and steadiness was enough to ease it. He only wanted the same for Kagome, but he knew the pain came from another place. She had lost more. She could have survived the loss of her home, her friends, even her purpose. She could not survive the loss of his bastard brother no matter how unworthy he had been of her devotion. Kagome's devotion was the devotion Rin showed to him though it came from a different place. It was unquestioning, pure and filled with easy delight. Just as Sesshomaru only had to show the slightest care for Rin to bring her joy, Inuyasha had only ever needed to give Kagome the barest crumbs of affection to make her happy. However, he had never given enough to her. He had mostly only given her the promise of affection and care and while it had ensured her devotion never waned, it was not enough to make her happy. Not the way she should have been made happy. Not the way Sesshomaru wanted for her to be happy.

He could still see her the day he had found her settled with the kitsune in a shack the two had built together far from any city or the safety of others. She could defend herself. She had shown her aptitude in the final battle and so she had stood fearless in the wilderness providing for herself and her adopted son as he grew and became taller and more of a man. It was the first time that he had found her surprised by his approach.

Her eyes rose as he intentionally allowed his feet to break a twig as he walked toward her. Her eyes were dangerous at first, glowing with the power she held deep within her complete and bright soul. Upon seeing him, she calmed and smiled faintly.

"Why are you here, Sesshomaru?" She asked softly as she stood. Her eyes seemed to be returning from the great distance she had been residing in as he had come upon her.

"Rin has been showing signs of the same power you possess, miko. I am in need of your assistance to train her lest she harm herself or others." When she nodded and he noticed she was still not entirely present with him, he growled faintly. "Kagome, miko of the Shikon no Tama, you will give this Sesshomaru your full attention. What I speak of is most grave and endangers my ward."

Her eyes snapped to full attention and he noted the sadness in her. "I'm sorry, Sesshomaru. It was only… I was thinking of Inuyasha."

He scowled and felt his control slip. He advanced on her and grasped her chin with an almost painful tenderness. It was that gentle touch that caused her tears and forced her to look at him. It had been entirely unexpected from the taiyoukai so many had insisted was no more than an evil and cruel being without care for anyone but himself. She had always known it to be untrue, but the almost caressing of his fingertips as he guided her face to look up at him only instilled her knowledge into belief.

Once he was certain he had her full attention, he sighed and considered his words carefully. "I… Am concerned for you, miko. For you and the kit. I fear that your soul is being devoured by your sorrow and I cannot stand by and watch such a thing occur. Not only is it a waste, but also it will leave your charge and responsibility to the dangers of the world. This Sesshomaru needs your help. I have relinquished my honor to admit such a thing, but I cannot accomplish what you could with Rin. And you… Need something more. I hated Inuyasha. I hate him even more for what he did without freeing you of the bonds he placed upon you. Please come and help Rin. If not for your own sake, for the sake of the kitsune. He will mature in less than half a decade and he will need training. I could give him that."

Her eyes were the frozen blue of a deep lake half claimed by ice. He longed to see them enflamed again and warm, as they had been when she'd stood against him beside his bastard brother. He longed, but he knew he would go wanting. He accepted it. She agreed to his terms. She had taken up residence in his home in one of his best suites and the kitsune in a room near his daughter. His concern had lessened over the years but not faded. He knew, like her pain, the worry he felt for the miko, Kagome, would never completely leave him and he rued the day that it ever might. To lose meant that he would no longer care for the azure eyed miko and that was the last desire he had with regard to her.

Rin grabbed Kagome's hand again tightly and drew her further into the dense trees at the edge of the gardens. The dense edge of the forest had been encircled by the walls of the palace and was one of Rin's favorite play places. Their laughter could be heard as they ran and darted around trees in a game of chase. Kagome tagged the smaller girl and ran from her closer to the wall where the trees ended and a steep rock outcropping ended the protection of the gates. It was the weakest point of Sesshomaru's personal grounds and so he had several warriors placed there to guard at a small tower through all of the day and night. As the girls approached, however, Kagome found herself stopped short. The curtain of snow was thickening and the air had been claimed by an eerie stillness and silence. She should have heard the sounds of the warriors speaking and patrolling. She should have at least been able to see the tower, but as she approached carefully, keeping Rin behind her protectively, she saw the reason for the silence and stillness. She turned quickly to the girl behind her and met her eyes meaningfully.

"Run and get Sesshomaru. Tell him there is danger at the northern tower. Keep your barriers up for defense and do not look back. Go now, Rin. Run." It was one of the few times Kagome was glad that Rin was such a well-trained lady. She didn't even question the miko's words and turned quickly to run toward the palace and her Lord.

Kagome turned back to look at the tower and was glad that she had kept the girl's eyes away from what her eyes could not escape. Encased in thick blue ice glowing with power was the small, well-guarded tower. She felt herself tremble at the sight of several warriors caught in the ice, frozen in battle postures against whatever enemy had attacked. The enemy that was on the grounds and watching her from a distance. She could feel their presence and it unnerved her. She had stayed because she knew she had to defend this weakest point and fend off the intruder until Sesshomaru arrived. She extended her perception and located the exact location of the intruder.

"Come out and face me!" She called out with a faint snarl in her voice. She had lost so much; she was not about to lose her home and family again. Nor the Lord she had come to follow and become devoted to. She could not place the moment when she had decided to follow him as willingly as she had Inuyasha. However she did not ever want to discover that moment. It took the magic out of it all.

Slowly out of the sparse trees that were half encased in ice near the tower the dark, slender woman approached her. She was beautiful, ethereal almost with long ebony hair that kissed the ground as she walked. The snow didn't touch her. It didn't even kiss the hem of her kimono. In her arms she carried a small bundle that squirmed and began to fuss slightly. Kagome's eyes widened. "I mean you no harm, Miko."

"You killed all those men!" She said in disbelief. She felt frozen as the beautiful woman approached her. Her voice, while firm, seemed hollow to her. She could not keep her eyes off the tiny child the woman held. She held out her hand in warning. "Stay back!"

"I cannot. I do not want to harm you. I came for your Lord. I came to speak to him about his sins." Her voice was hypnotic and Kagome found herself almost incapable of looking away. The woman was within reach of her, but did not extend her arm to grasp the miko's hand. As Kagome looked at the small child, she noticed the tiny silver ears and hair that were not hidden by the warm fur he was wrapped in.

"He is not evil… What ever he did to you, he'll amend it. He's changed and grown… Please…"

She tilted her head slightly and slowly reached out her hand. She could sense the taiyoukai coming. She would have to be quick. She touched the miko's outstretched hand and sent a burst of ice through the girl. She mourned for an instant that she had to harm her, but then her wrath returned. She met the miko's eyes and smiled faintly as she began to tremble and shiver. "Do you know who I am, Kagome? Do you know what sin I am using you to punish him for?"

"P-please… Stop…" She chattered out, falling to her knees. The woman would not let go of her hand. She tried to gather her energy from the deep well of power within her soul. She stared in disbelief as she realized even that was being frozen solid. "Wh-who are you?"

"A mother, Kagome, avenging her son." She released the girl and let her fall as she sensed the last of her power frozen. She was not dead, but she would be in time and it would be justice enacted on Sesshomaru. She raised her eyes and jumped back as said inuyoukai approached in a rush, stopping short at the sight of the miko collapsed and nearly frozen through in the snow. He knelt and gathered her into his arms, raising his eyes to meet the gaze of the yuki-onna. He felt his breath catch in his throat. "Do you recognize me, Sesshomaru? Do you remember your sin now? She will die."

"Release her. Your quarrel is with me, not Kagome." His voice was stony and immoveable. The girl in his arms was icy and weak. So weak she couldn't even tremble. Her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes stared up at him in broken apology he could neither acknowledge nor accept in fear of her loss.

"Nothing I could do to you would do half the harm that her death will cause you. I have watched you. Watched you and waited patiently. This is the greatest revenge. For while the death of your ward would have been equal retribution, the death of the miko will harm you more for she is what you dream of. Rin you would kill for, but Kagome you would die for."

"You know not of what you speak." He bit through clenched teeth. He held the miko tighter to his chest, willing his warmth to be absorbed into her frozen body.

"You should get her inside, great Western Lord. Much more cold and she will surely die frozen in your arms. At least within your palace she will languish a few days." The woman turned from him with a faint smile kissing her lips as she calmed the child in her arms.

He snarled and turned from her, rushing with Kagome to his palace and her chambers. The miko was too weak to even shiver in cold. His blurred form was enough to alert the house. Servants were following him to Kagome's rooms without even an order or word from him. He laid her back in her bed, smoothing the black strands away from her face. She looked up into his gaze, icy saline tears breaking the soft sheen of ice on her cheeks. He met her gaze and leaned to kiss her brow gently. He was beyond controlling himself. There were moments for restraint. This, most certainly, was not.

He reached out and caressed her cheeks, resting his hands there to warm her. She trembled faintly and a soft whimper escaped her. Their eyes never diverted and she felt that the amber of his eyes were warmer than any gold could have ever been. "Se… Sesshomaru…"

The servants began to rush in and access what needed to be done. He would not leave her nor remove his hands from her cheeks. The ice was overwhelming but he could feel some of his warmth melting the cold away. Some servants rushed out while others began bringing in hot tea and more blankets. As they worked, he found it nearly impossible to leave her side. He removed his mokomokosama and wrapped its living spiritual warmth around her before returning his hands to her cheeks.

"My Lord…" Rin's voice. He turned and looked to his daughter without removing his hands from the miko's face. She looked at the pair with concern in her eyes. "Her clothing is caked in ice… She must be changed so we can warm her more. We can take care of her, I promise. I might be able to heal her somewhat…"

He nodded faintly and looked back to meet the miko's eyes. They were closed. She had fallen asleep. He frowned deeply and leaned to kiss her brow, then to press his own against her still chilly skin so that he could brush his lips against hers when he spoke. "When she wakes tell her that I have gone to kill the yuki-onna who has harmed her and that Shippo is accompanying me. Tell her she is forbidden to give up. Tell her that I will not allow her to yield and that… It would most displease me." He leaned just slightly and kissed her chastely only long enough for his warmth to dispel the cold there. He stood reluctantly and nodded to the blushing Rin and his slightly wide-eyed servants. He barely took notice of the fainted Jaken near the door. He reached out and caressed his daughter's hair gently. "Take care of her."

Rin nodded, and then grasped his arm as he turned to leave. "Sesshomaru-sama… Do you know what the name of the yuki-onna was? Did Kagome say anything? If it attacked her, maybe she recognized her…"

"She came for me. To harm me." He said with venom that surprised his daughter and the kitsune who was watching him at the door. Shippo could see his eyes and the haunted look that resided in the taiyoukai's gaze. "Her name was Izayoi."


	2. Fuyu no yo

Fuyu no yo (winter night) 

The snow was falling again. She had been cast out of her father's house and she had nowhere to go. Curled tightly around her torso and hidden by her heavy cloak was her son, barely five years old, so that he did not become chilled and catch cold. His white dog-ears twitched against her chin and caused her to smile even as she made her sad trek to the palace she saw in the distance. It was her last chance for refuge. It was their last chance.

She could still hear her father's voice as he had chastised her through the years since she had given birth to her son, the hanyou boy she currently carried. She had brought dishonor on her family. When Inu no Taisho had died, leaving her alone, unclaimed in human society and unprotected in youkai society, she had lived through the mercy of her family. Until the death of her mother, she had not feared her father's wrath. She had not feared his anger toward her and her son being unleashed and his frustration to have been vented against them. And then her mother had died, finally succumbing to the horrible infection in her lungs that had weakened her for years previous.

Izayoi trembled and sang softly to her son who was now gripping tighter to her torso. He could hear and smell more than she could, even in the snowstorm. His claws began to cut through her kimono into her skin, causing her to jump slightly. "Inuyasha, my love, calm. I will let no one harm you. I will always protect you. You trust me, don't you?"

"Yes, Momma." He whispered, mourning inwardly that he had harmed her. He could smell where her blood raised to the surface of her skin even though his claws had not punctured completely. He was always afraid. Afraid to hurt her or other children if they were human. He was afraid of himself. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh, baby. There's nothing to be sorry for. Soon we will be at your father's old palace and your brother, Sesshomaru, will let us rest." She murmured, running her fingers along his ears to calm him. "You should never be sorry. Not for what you are."

He relaxed slightly in her arms as she continued to walk. He could smell the overpowering scent of marking from a powerful inuyoukai. He had never smelled the scent before. It was of acid and blood stained on trees here and there. As his mother approached the palace with him, he realized the scent belonged to the inuyoukai who ruled the palace. The scent had to be his half brother, Sesshomaru. "Are you sure? Are you sure he'll let us?"

Izayoi smiled sadly as she approached the gate. She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of anything. But she had to take the chance. They had nowhere else to go. Still, she lied. Even knowing Inuyasha would sense the lie, she told it for both their sakes. "I am sure he will, love. Don't be afraid. We'll be alright."

He bit his tongue and did not argue with her. His heart told him she was lying, but his head told him that he shouldn't call her on her deceit. She was lying because she loved him and she had nothing left to give him but hope.

She stopped at the gate and waited. S he knew Sesshomaru would sense her and come. He had to address everyone who entered the space of his home. She waited in the snow and sleet, feeling what warmth she had leaving her. The only warmth that comforted her was that of her son. He was never cold. Snow barely touched him. It was the same with every youkai and even as only a hanyou, Inuyasha was less likely to fall ill or be taken by the snow. The elements could not affect them. He would be safe, however she felt her strength beginning to wane. Moments turned to hours before she saw the white and red form approaching her. He stood several yards away, studying her and the boy she sheltered in her arms. He was not at all like his father. She could remember Satori and realized how much the son resembled the mother. She wondered if they shared the same cruelty and lust for battle. Having stood in the snow for nearly three hours, she did not doubt they shared the same cruelty. When he finally spoke, his voice matched the chill she felt.

"What are you doing on my lands with that thing in your arms?" He asked without emotion in his features, stance or voice. "Upon my father's death, your place here as concubine and consort dissolved. You have no right to step on my lands again for I will not take you as mine."

"Please… We have nowhere to go. We have been cast out of my father's home. If you will not consider taking me into your home, at least consider taking your brother."

"We share blood and flesh from our father, but that thing is not my brother. He is hanyou. Half-breed. His blood disgraces my lands."

She shuddered and felt tears slip down her face, freezing to her cheeks. "Sesshomaru-sama, please. He is only a boy. I will take your punishment and leave this place without argument. I know you hate me for the rift I caused between your mother and father. I know you could never forgive me, but Inuyasha does not deserve this."

"It is not a mortal woman's place, cast from her own house and clan, ruined by her choice to be my father's whore, to come to my home and beg me, lecture me, request of me to do what is not even remotely desirable to do. Though, to help you understand, let me explain exactly why I deny your request. Were you any other mortal and he any other hanyou gracing my door, there would be a place at my fire for you. It is not what you are, Izayoi, it is who you are and that his blood is muddied by your disgrace. For that, I would rather you frozen in the wilderness and your son, this Inuyasha, hated and cast from every house he approaches, clanless, friendless, without family or Lord. Leave this place now and waste your words no longer."

"Sesshomaru-sama… We will die."

"No doubt you will." He said with a smile that could have frightened even his great father. "Leave." He said before turning away and waving his hand to his guards who closed the gates on the mortal woman and her hanyou son.

She shuddered and held her son even tighter. She turned from the gate and walked toward where she had seen a small human settlement nearby. Her legs were so weak and she felt as if there was nothing but ice through her whole body, down to her soul. She felt her son beginning to cry in her arms. "Oh, my love… My love, don't cry." She whispered. She felt as if she couldn't take another step. She was so tired. So weak. So exhausted. She felt her legs go out from under her. She twisted slightly so she took the brunt of the fall. The snow felt like a downy bed to her and all she wanted to do was sleep. She looked up to see bright golden orbs looking down at her in fear and sadness. She reached up and touched his warm cheek. "I'm alright…"

"Momma… You're so cold." He whispered and curled down against her. "I'll keep you warm."

"I just need to sleep."

"Alright, Momma." He breathed. She only became colder. Somewhere in the morning hours, she stopped breathing and her heart stilled. He whimpered and looked down at her frozen, slender corpse. He wept and curled against her for the next day before he began dragging her toward the township. He laid her on the shrine's steps before he ran away, racing into the forest, watching to see if she would be found. Soon a priest came. He called for help. They discovered she was dead. Inuyasha wept. He stayed near and watched them burn her and burry her ashes. For a fortnight, he came and slept on top of her grave. He couldn't bear to leave her. A part of his heart never did.

Sesshomaru stood at the woman's grave, now overgrown with dead roots from several years of being untended. Since Inuyasha had gone, it had remained unvisited and uncared for. He reached down and pushed away the snow from the stone, which read her name. Izayoi. He pulled away the roots with a deep frown touching his brow.

"Who was she, Sesshomaru-sama? The name is familiar, but I can't place it." The kitsune asked. He did not turn to meet his gaze. He was ashamed of the man… The boy he had been when he'd cast her and his bastard brother out. It was a stain on his honor. He should have protected them.

"She was Inuyasha's mother." He replied, his voice suddenly heavy with guilt.

"I don't understand… Why would she want to hurt you through Kagome?" Shippo frowned and crouched near the taiyoukai. He studied his face. "Tell me. It might help to save my mother."

Sesshomaru sighed and nodded faintly. "I turned her away one winter night several centuries ago along with my brother. It was only later I heard she had frozen to death. I am… Until recently I had never felt anything but a certain justification in my own actions at that knowledge. That I had caused her death. I simply did not care."

Shippo quirked his lips in a faint, sad smile. He had become a gangly tall young man only an inch shorter than Sesshomaru himself. He simply hadn't filled out yet. His tail moved slightly, brushing the snow. "It is Kagome, isn't it? What made the change?"

He didn't respond. He didn't have to. He had always respected the strength of the miko. He had always thought Inuyasha wasn't worthy of her unwavering devotion. It had only been when she had taken residence in his palace that he had learned exactly how rare and special she was. Respect had slowly changed to care and worry and friendship and finally into love. He did not cringe from the truth. He loved her. He knew he loved her and he would not flinch from that truth. It was what gave him strength. "I do not know why Izayoi came now, of all times… It has been years since the final battle and Kagome and you came to live in my home. Her grave is undisturbed as in so much as I can tell. What could have happened?"

"Yuki-onna aren't just born from the pain of their deaths instantly. They have to grow in hatred and wrath before they can gain such power… Perhaps it has just taken that long for her to manifest."

"No, Shippo. There is something more. If she were simply a yuki-onna in search of vengeance for her own death, she would have come for me much sooner than now. Two centuries have passed since I denied her shelter with Inuyasha. When she harmed Kagome, she was carrying an infant with silver hair and dog-ears… A hanyou child as Inuyasha was. If it were only her revenge, she would have come alone. This has everything to do with my brother… And I fear, somehow, Kagome." He again allowed his fingertips to trace over the small stone that marked her grave. Inuyasha had placed it there much later out of respect.

"But Kagome loves Inuyasha. Even now… As much as it pains us both to admit. She can't let go of him." Shippo felt a shiver course up his spine as the inuyoukai growled faintly in frustration. "I know you hate him, but Kagome doesn't…"

"It is not that I hate him, Shippo. I have never hated the man Inuyasha was or what he is for that matter. Hanyou, by their nature, are below us and even below humanity. They are caught between worlds and so can never be totally loyal to either. That earns more of my pity than my wrath. The man also has earned my pity. Inuyasha was torn between his heart and his duty. I do not even think he knew which part of him owned Kagome and Kikyo. I think perhaps who was his heart and who was his duty was as changeable as his emotions and turbulent as the sea. What I hate is that he did not set her free. He never gave her the ability to ally herself to another who… Who might have been able to bring her happiness and security. He didn't deserve her loyalty and devotion. He did not deserve her love."

"Heaven owns love, Sesshomaru-sama. As much as we would like to say she deserved to have someone who loved her and could give her love, as Inuyasha never could, we cannot make that decision. It is in the realm of the kamis." Shippo smirked faintly at the quirk of the taiyoukai's lips.

"Such lines of thought will not help with the dilemma at hand, kitsune. We must find a way to track her."

"And once we have her?"

"We will destroy her so that Kagome will live."

"What if that doesn't work?" He raised a brow in question and noted the slow rise of tension in Sesshomaru's stance as he rose to his full height along with Shippo.

"We will come to that if my first course of action fails." He replied, but he already knew what he was willing to do. If he could not save Kagome by destroying the yuki-onna, Izayoi, he would give her what she wanted. He would give her his life.

"Sesshomaru-sama…" The kitsune's voice trailed off, causing the inuyoukai to look at him fully. He could see the words hanging from the boy's lips, but he could not make out the shape of them. He nodded to Shippo, urging him to continue. "It's only that… You know that you could save Kagome without having to hunt down Izayoi or making barters with her once you do find her. There is a way to ensure Kagome is well and then get revenge."

He smirked and shook his head. He turned away from the kitsune, the son of the miko who languished, dying in her bed within his palace. "She would never accept and I could never force her."

Shippo shook his head and sighed faintly, then began to follow the slowly retreating taiyoukai. For four years he had watched them, Sesshomaru and Kagome, in the same way he had watched his mother with Inuyasha. Kagome had a great deal of fire. She was easy to love and forgive for her faults. In comparison to most, she had few faults to forgive. She simply had the unlucky fate that she had come across Inuyasha second and that her previous incarnation had laid such a mark on his heart. She was her own person even after she had regained the portion of her soul that had been stolen from her to resurrect Kikyo. Unfortunately, Inuyasha could never let go. He had lost so much in his life that his grip had become as steely and unyielding as the blade he wielded and so, even though Kikyo was finally, completely dead, Inuyasha latched onto her memory with a ferocity that was often overwhelming. In that same way, he clung to Kagome and did not let her go even when he knew he would not remain to hold her. Even now his grip was firm on her and it was entirely unfair. Sesshomaru's greatest fault, though, was that he did not hold on tightly enough. He was the stronger of the two brothers, and yet the first to walk away. The first to release his claim on anything. The first to give up. Shippo could not know, but he felt that if the taiyoukai only held onto the miko gently, allowing her movement and space and freedom in his embrace, she would force the hold of Inuyasha from her and release her own grip on the past. However, Sesshomaru would not and it vexed the kitsune to no end.

The two youkai returned to the forest, tracking the energies of the yuki-onna while, a short distance away, a miko lay, languishing in her bed under the care of her apprentice. She began to stir from her uneasy slumber. Taking in a breath was so difficult. It was as if the air was on fire. She whimpered and curled weakly onto her side, her eyes fluttering rapidly.

Rin frowned and knelt beside the bed, smoothing Kagome's icy brow. They couldn't warm her. Even with Sesshomaru's mokomokosama curled around her, feeding her more warmth than they could with several layers of blankets, the chill that possessed her would not melt. "Shhh, Sesshomaru-sama and Shippo have gone after the yuki-onna, Izayoi. They will kill her and you will be all right. You must hold on. Sesshomaru-sama has said he would be most displeased if you are not here when he returns."

Kagome laughed and then shivered, curling tighter into the already encompassing embrace of the furry entity wrapped around her. "I will try not to go, Rin… I will try. I can't promise. I can't… Kami, I've never been so cold."

Rin climbed onto the bed, abandoning decorum, and slipping in beside the woman who was both her teacher and the closest to a mother she knew. She wrapped her arms around Kagome and whimpered as her iciness began to seep into her skin, chilling her in only a few moments. "It is like… Your life force is frozen through."

"She put her ice through me. She froze my power and energies so I could not heal myself. Rin, you're going to become ill if you keep letting me take your warmth." She whispered. She couldn't even feel the warmth of the girl touching her, though she knew she was chilling her through. The only warmth she felt was coming from mokomokosama. She smiled faintly, remembering the feel of Sesshomaru's touch on her face. His warmth reached her and helped to lull her into sleep so she could gather some strength to endure. The ice that had claimed her was not natural. It was not human or of the world. It was of the world beyond and only a being born of supernatural power could possibly hope to dispel, even for a moment. "Rin, please… You'll get sick and Sesshomaru will never forgive me."

"He would." She whispered, feeling tears gathering in her eyes. She'd tried to melt the ice that was encompassing Kagome's power, but she couldn't even get close to her energy centers. She couldn't melt the barrier that even seemed to form ice of the miko's aura. She reached up and ran her slender fingers through the raven tresses, meeting Kagome's eyes. "He won't forgive you if you let go, Kagome… You know he won't. Now that Tenseiga is gone, he can't bring you back like he brought me back. Even more, he won't ever forgive himself. Please don't give up."

She smiled faintly and gazed into the girl's clear brown eyes and caressed icy fingers along her cheek. She was so innocent. So pure and seemingly untouched, but Kagome knew what the world had done to her. Sesshomaru was her haven. He gave her a place where she felt safe and could be a child again. He made her past melt away. In so many ways, Kagome understood her devotion to the taiyoukai. She shared it. For, as Sesshomaru helped ease Rin's past, he also helped to ease Kagome's. He was reserved, demanding and cruel at times. Certainly blunt and brash. But he was patient and protective. He valued what was fragile in the world. He valued what was small and vulnerable. It was Rin's willingness and ability to see past what he was to the inherent dignity, beauty and hidden vulnerabilities that had caught his interest. It was her delight in his care, her devotion to him at the simplest expression of worry for her that had made him claim her as his ward, his pack, and his daughter. Kagome did not understand why he seemed to care and worry for her. She swore she had felt his warmth lingering on her lips while she slept, but she knew it must have been a dream. She remembered him kissing her brow and it had startled her, but if he had kissed her lips she might have died of shock before she'd died of the chill. Not even Inuyasha had kissed her of his own volition. Not once in all the years they had been together, or as together as they could ever be. A memory of who she had been always came between them.

"I promise, Rin… I promise to try." She smiled weakly as Rin nodded. Blackness was threatening to claim her again. She was simply so very cold. "Go sit next to the bed… I need to sleep, alright?"

Rin nodded and pulled away from Kagome once her eyes closed again and she was drawn into darkness. The girl hugged herself and fought back her tears. She succeeded until she reached the widow, then fell to her knees and sobbed silently into her hands. It was her fault. If she hadn't begged to go outside into the snow… If she hadn't, maybe Kagome would be all right. Maybe she wouldn't be slowly freezing to death. As her tears began to slow, the small, slender raven-haired girl looked out onto the deep snow that was still collecting in the gardens. Her mind drifted back to the sight of her father, her protector, as he dipped his lips down to meet the miko's in the most tender expression of his emotions she had ever seen in the eight years she had stood by the taiyoukai. He seemed frantic to her eyes. He never allowed such expressions or words to escape him, let alone to be viewed by his servants. He seemed as if he didn't care who witnessed his actions and his impulsiveness, while completely unexpected and unnerving for most, almost delighted her. She had watched him, been his companion for so long now that she had memorized his expressions and reactions. She could anticipate him almost entirely. Almost. Except when he was near Kagome. His reactions changed. He became less controlled, less formal and his eyes danced and sparkled when he looked at her and was certain she was not watching him. Everything she saw and knew told her that her father loved the miko, but the miko was so absorbed with the past that she could not see.

Rin did not like thinking ill of anyone. Her heart found it hard to even hate Kouga, whose wolves had devoured her village and killed her. And yet, when her mind fell on Inuyasha, the hanyou who Kagome loved, she tasted bitterness in her mouth. She did not hate him, but she hated what he had done. Kagome could not let go. She felt obligated to his memory and so could not see Sesshomaru and how gently, how completely he wanted her to be happy and safe.

"I remember when you were brought here, Kagome… When you and Shippo came to help me learn to control my powers." She breathed, unable to look back at the sleeping form of the miko curled in the embrace of mokomokosama. "Your eyes were so hollow and far away. I know you love Shippo and you were trying to do your best, but you were dying inside and now… Since you've been here, some of the light has come back. You're alive again and I think maybe that has to do with Sesshomaru-sama. We have so little time, you and I. We're mortal. We both have seen so much death and we understand. We don't have forever like he does. Like they do. I'm not a little girl any more. I understand a lot of things that I don't think you know I do or anyone does. And I wonder why you hold yourself back, Kagome. Maybe it's the same reason I did not speak after my parents died. Maybe it is because you are afraid of the loss becoming real. Sesshomaru wouldn't tell me what happened when Naraku was defeated. He told Shippo, though, and Shippo told me. I can't imagine how you must feel after sacrificing so much and still losing even more. Inuyasha had no right. Not without freeing your heart. But maybe if you said the words… Maybe if you spoke about it, you could let go and find a way to be free."

She sighed and shook her head, closing her eyes on the sight of the snow. The blackness was invaded by visions of the past, both imagined and replayed through the power of Kami. She trembled and let them come as Kagome had trained her to do. Fighting the visions was like fighting herself and would cause only pain. In her mind's eye she could see them all settled in camp. Sesshomaru and she had joined them there the night before the battle with Naraku. Jaken and Ah Un were nearby and there was a collective hush over the group. She could still hear his voice, the hanyou's voice.

"The only way to defeat him is to draw him into hell and close the portal from within so he can never escape once the jewel shards have been recovered."

"Inuyasha, that will mean your death…" Her voice was frightened. The others looked away. Even Sesshomaru looked away. They had known long before she had. The truth had been hidden from her.

"Not if you have the jewel, Kagome. You can make a wish to bring me back."

Rin trembled as her vision continued, drawing her back to that time, that moment when the whole world was lit in hell fire.

The portal to hell was open like a huge maw threatening to devour the world. The two swords of Inu no Taisho had been merged into one in order to accomplish the feat and now his hanyou son stood on the edge of it, looking back at Kagome with the purified Shikon no Tama in her hands.

"I'll close the portal, Kagome, and you make the wish to bring me back." He said in his harsh voice. "Don't be afraid. The wish will bring me back to you."

"Inuyasha… It feels wrong… There's something wrong with this." Her words were filled with trepidation as she looked on her beloved. "It has to be a selfless wish…"

"The wish isn't for you, it's for me." He smiled one of his brash and knowing smiles. "Trust me, Kagome… Trust me."

She nodded faintly and stood back as he ran into hell and sealed the gate that Naraku had been thrown into while still alive. She trembled and looked to her friends, Miroku and Sango. They nodded faintly to her, lending her support in what she was about to do.

"Miko…" His voice was like a deep crimson silk caressing over their senses. Kagome paused and looked back onto Sesshomaru. "Be certain you know what you do. Choose your words wisely."

She nodded and smiled faintly before closing her eyes. She whispered the words soundlessly. Only her lips carried any meaning and so not even the inuyoukai who stood nearby knew exactly what she wished for. Yet, in Rin's vision, she realized the words that the miko had hidden for years.

"I wish Inuyasha would come back from hell for me."

The girl was jolted from her dreams and clutched her chest as she gasped for breath. Her eyes fell on Kagome even as the after images of the jewel fading into the ether, leaving only silken sand in its wake, faded from her view. She stood shakily and walked to the edge of the bed and sat next to the miko, smoothing her icy brow. "He's come back, Kagome… And with him all his fury."


	3. Kaeribana

_Kaeribana (Flowers out of season)_

It was ungodly hot. The air was thick with humidity so that drawing in breath felt like drinking it. She sighed and laid back in the shade near the small pond on the outskirts of his gardens. Nearby, splashing in the water in their thin summer kimonos were Rin and the quickly growing Shippo. She felt a faint smile touching her lips when the children laughed and wondered if she could ever learn to laugh again.

She sensed his approach and found her smile actually touched her heart fully rather than the faint brush of happiness she was used to against her cool soul. It was their fault, really, that she still could feel at all. She didn't believe her heart should have survived after Inuyasha. After he did not return to her. That kind of pain should kill a person. Death would have been a kindness for her, but then she did not deserve kindness. She had made a selfish wish and so it would never come true. She had damned her beloved to hell and so she felt that she should have to live in hell too. Sesshomaru ensured that she did not as did Rin and her son, the kitsune, who was currently dousing Rin with a fountain of water he created with one of his toys.

The inuyoukai sat beside the miko where she lay with her eyes closed in the shade. A faint sheen of sweat covered her face and neck where her summer kimono was open, revealing only the faintest view of the peaks of her breasts. The kimono was open and her sleeves were tied up so that her legs and arms would remain cool, however even they had gathered perspiration in the afternoon heat. He was not so affected by weather as his ward and the miko were. The kitsune shouldn't have been touched by the weather either, however he still played in the cool pond as if he were sweltering.

"You will overheat, Miko." He said in a smooth and even tone.

In the two years she had lived beside him, she had learned the subtle nuances of his voice and so, even with her eyes closed, she could hear the inflection of concern that he so carefully veiled in the unwavering quality of his voice. "I will fan myself in a moment…"

He leaned slowly in a deliberate manner so he did not startle her and blew a soft breath over her brow far enough away that it would cool her but not so close that she would detect its origin as anything more than a rogue breeze.

She shivered and smiled faintly as the cool pricks of his breath sent a faint chill through her. She would never let him know that she knew of his actions. Had he known she was aware, he would stop and she might never feel the tenderness he showed in attempted secret. "Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Miko?"

She sat up slowly, opening her eyes so that she could meet his gaze. "Has there been word of Kouga lately? Or Ayame?"

"Not since shortly after their mating was announced." He replied with the faintest raising of his brow. "There was word he accompanied her North to the land of her grandfather. I could send an inquiry for you if you wished to speak to him."

"No… No, it's all right. I was only curious. The last time we met, our discussion had not been very… Amiable."

"Per chance you might share such unpleasantness? Perhaps this Sesshomaru might lend some advice to the miko of the Shikon no Tama." He studied her reaction and felt some inward satisfaction when she nodded and prepared her thoughts before speaking. It showed that she was learning to trust him.

"It was shortly after Miroku and Sango…" She took a slow, shaky breath and he found himself having to restrain his hand from reaching out to her by folding the two together on his lap. "It was after that. He came to the village where Shippo and I had settled to rest until we ventured out to make a home for ourselves. He found me out in the forest foraging for herbs to make healing remedies and scooped me up as he always did…"

Her mind slipped back to the moment when she had found herself cradled in the wolf youkai's arms. His eyes were so tender. They always held some sort of self important, overconfident sheen normally, however, in that moment it was overlain with concern, warmth and love. He loved her. Or, at least he felt deeply for her. He wanted her to be happy and it showed in his gaze.

She'd felt herself moved to tears with his concern for her and soon found herself cradled in his arms, clinging to him as she wept while he sat at the base of a tree. His fingers moved through her long ebony tresses and, as she calmed, he breathed to her soothingly that everything was going to be all right. He was going to make it all right. And then he'd kissed her and she was too overwrought to fight him. His lips were a kind of comfort she had never thought could take away the deep ache she felt. She clung to him and returned his kisses in her own desperation. In retrospect, perhaps it was not the wisest course of action.

He slowly pulled away from their kiss and rested his brow against hers. Somehow he had come to rest on top of her where she was laid in soft, thick grass and spring flowers. She trembled as he caressed her face and kissed her again and again until she began to beg him only to hold her. To let her breathe. To his credit, he did.

And then he began to speak. His arms were wrapped around her gently but in such a way that she felt she could not move from him if she wished. He held her against his chest and she, unwilling to escape the comfort he could offer her, curled against his side as words began to pass through his lips. "Kagome, I know you are in great pain. Your heart is pure and warm and gentle and so I can't imagine you being in anything but terrible pain and mourning and loss. However, I want to ease that pain. I want to make you a place with me in my pack along with your son, the kitsune. I want to give you a home."

She trembled and clung to him suddenly. She hadn't expected his words. She couldn't respond except for a slight nod.

He smiled and gently rolled onto her again, caressing her face as most of his weight pinned her beneath him. She placed her palms on his chest, feeling the slow beating of his heart beginning to speed. He had removed his armor at some point before capturing her into his embrace. She hadn't noticed until that moment how close they really were. "There will be a place for you in my bed and by my side for the rest of your life, my love… However, it will not be until Ayame has conceived and then…"

"What?" Her eyes went wide with a sudden realization. "You mated Ayame?"

He frowned faintly and traced a claw along her jaw. "Of course I did… We were promised. I fought it for a while, but I soon realized that her power and prestige joined with mine would strengthen both of our tribes. She understands that I do not love her. That she is as much a means to my end as I am hers. Once she has a pup to raise as our heir, she will only be my mate in title and no more… She knows I love you. She has accepted that I will take you as my concubine."

She felt her throat go dry and suddenly it was very, very hard to breathe. "C-concubine?"

He nodded faintly, smiling before kissing her brow. "I cannot take you as my official mate. My heir can't be hanyou, though I will happily sire many children with you once Ayame has…"

She kicked him hard in his groin. He yelped and rolled off her, cupping his manhood and groaning. "I'm not your whore, Kouga."

"W-whore? K-kagome… No…." It had taken him several moments to speak. He looked at her in disbelief and confusion. "It's a place of h-honor for humans."

She felt cold tears coursing down her cheeks and she shook her head before pressing a hand to her cheek. "Not in my time, Kouga… It isn't fair for you to use me like that any more than it was fair for me to use you just now to dull my pain. I'm sorry… Sorry for hurting you too." As she turned, she felt his hands on her shoulders and she froze.

"Kagome, I love you." He whispered, ignoring his pain as he leaned and kissed her neck gently. She leaned into his kiss unconsciously and then trembled as her tears began to overwhelm her.

How many times had she wished Inuyasha would have said those same words? If he'd only said them once, she could have lived as second to Kikyo as Kouga was now asking her to live second to Ayame. She felt something inside of her break. Something precious and fragile that she barely had a name for. Suddenly her world seemed so much darker and she wondered if that part was a kind of filament within her where her light had shown. She wondered if she was broken irreparably. For a moment she believed she could accept Kouga's offer. She believed she could be his concubine, bear him hanyou sons and daughters and live at least marginally happy. However, it was only a moment. Only a brief span of seconds before that belief also shattered. Ayame was not Kikyo and Kouga, most certainly, was not Inuyasha and she knew, better than she had ever known anything before, that it made all the difference.

She pressed her eyes closed and pulled away from him. She covered her face and then turned to meet his ice blue eyes that were always so full of conceit. In this moment they were soft and they made it all the harder for her to say what she so desperately needed to say. "But I don't love you, Kouga. I've never loved you and I never will. Please… Please, if you love me like you say you do, you'll leave here and make a life with Ayame."

His eyes hardened and he advanced on her but she did not flinch. "You couldn't have kissed me like that if you didn't love me."

She whimpered and said the only words she knew would make him leave. "I didn't see your face, Kouga. I saw Inuyasha's."

He winced and took a step back. He looked more hurt than when she'd raised her knees into his manhood. Bruises could heal but she knew, as his features darkened, that the harm her words had caused would never scar over. They would never mend, though she prayed by some merciful light that they would at least remain closed and safe from an infection of the soul. "Then let his corpse keep you warm at night." He whispered through gritting teeth before he turned and ran from her in the direction he had come.

He looked at her tears as they fell and felt part of him twist in his chest. The tears and her perspiration curled together in their salty scent, but he could track the saline river from her eyes even as it joined the droplets of sweat that had collected on her cheeks. "For a wolf to take a concubine…"

"I know that, Sesshomaru-sama. I knew it then. He was giving up his honor so he could have me. He loved me that much. But I haven't ever felt the same for him. Not even for a moment."

"Did you truly see the face of my brother when the wolf kissed you?" His words held a kind of concern whose origin she couldn't place.

She shook her head faintly and smiled sadly. She raised her fingers and traced her lips. "No… I saw him. I lied to him and he was so shocked that he couldn't detect the lie."

"Could you have loved him in enough time?" He watched her as she stood and walked to a nearby tree, leaning against its sturdiness. For a moment, he thought he could feel her weight lightly pressing against his strength.

"I'll never know." She murmured and smiled a sad smile. "But I know… I know that he deserved to keep his honor. He deserved so much better than a human miko who failed her beloved and would, no doubt, fail him in time. For a few moments, when he kissed me, some of the pain fell away and I almost felt… Alive again."

He frowned faintly and studied her closely as he asked his next question. "You believe that you do not deserve happiness?"

She tensed faintly and then turned her gaze to meet his. The azure met amber and for a moment, their eyes were like the light of dawn kissing away the deep blue of the night until only a gray and sapphire sky remained upon the opposite horizon. "Inuyasha was my happiness. I failed him. I damned him to an eternity in hell with a clumsy and selfish wish. I don't have a right to happiness any more… All I want is peace, Sesshomaru-sama, and you've helped by giving me a place where Shippo and I are safe so I can find that peace. Kouga could have made my pain melt away. He could have killed my guilt… I might have even forgotten in time. But I don't want to forget, you see? If I forget… If I forget him, it will be like it never happened and whether you believe it or not, Inuyasha deserved a better fate than that."

"You cannot live for the dead, Kagome." He said softly, uttering her name with a silken reverence.

"No, but they can live through you… He's still alive for me, Sesshomaru-sama. I see him in everything and everyone… And I would have it no other way."

He nodded faintly and felt that twisted part within his chest tighten and clench painfully. He promised himself, then, that he would make sure she had her peace. He would allow her to keep his hanyou brother alive and preserve the equilibrium of guilt and love she had created in her heart as if he were protecting her as his mate. His desires were placed to the side. His ache for the miko to love him was laid to rest deep within him. His world became her world and, from that sweltering summer afternoon until the winter morning as he raced through the icy winds that whipped painfully around him and the kitsune who valiantly kept pace beside him toward the gradually strengthening scent of the yuki-onna, he had loved her silently, steadfastly and without pause as much for her strength as her vulnerability, for the broken pieces of her soul as much as the whole parts as they both sparkled equally in the dawning light.

His mind fell back onto the woman curled and near frozen in her bed in his palace. He had watched her sleep many nights when she had not known of his presence. He had seen her crying in her sleep and had heard the aching whisper of his brother's name followed by mournful moans and sobs. He had ensured she had never known of his presence, but he could not pull away from her side when she felt such overwhelming pain. Leaving her in anguish with her power and soul frozen had taken all of his control. He found himself frowning and slowed as he approached a clearing.

"She is there… I can smell her and sense her." He said softly as he crouched down to the ground a safe distance from Izayoi's senses. "But she is careless… Why would she be so careless?"

Shippo frowned deeply and studied Sesshomaru, then looked in the direction of the yuki-onna. "You think it night be a trap?"

"I think we should take care of it being a trap. Stay close to me and keep yourself ready for anything." He replied as he began to close in on the scent and sight of his prey. His eyes flashed red once, then he managed to calm himself. Her scent was strong and his desire for revenge coupled with his still present dislike for the woman made it hard for him to think of anything but rending her, however he managed when he thought of Kagome and her safety. He slipped within sight of the yuki-onna where she knelt in the shallow snow. The figment of the infant Inuyasha was long since dropped and there was now a deep and bitter sadness in her expression.

Sesshomaru masked his aura and smell long before he had approached as did Shippo and so they could watch her with relative cover as Izayoi stayed in her position, waiting. She was staring at something in the shallows of white that, while hidden, seemed entirely entrancing to the woman. They had nearly found themselves ready to attack when a rush of wind and leaves heralded the arrival of a feminine form hidden by a hood and mask. Her dress was in white and silver that covered her body entirely, including most of her face. Her hair was hidden within her hood and her hands were gloved. The taiyoukai paused and held back to watch the interchange with the newcomer. There was something familiar about her scent, however, he could not place her. He suddenly and fitfully cursed himself and his failure.

"Have you come to tell me that he is not pleased?" The yuki-onna asked softly as she continued to stare at the partially hidden object in the snow. "Certainly he could not be pleased that I involved her and not his ward."

"Very perceptive, Izayoi." The woman said softly. Her tone was soft and level, revealing nothing of her true identity. "He said that you are to release her from your curse or he will end you no matter who you once were."

The once human princess reached down and drew a pale lavender orchid from its home in the shallow snow and held it out to the other woman. "Give this to him as my apology, but I cannot release her. It was, perhaps, not the most intelligent judgment on my part, however, so long as I hold her in my clutches and within the bounds of my curse, he will be kept away from the miko and our master may venture to her freely."

He felt his lips threaten to draw into a snarl. He was being used as a diversion? And who was the yuki-onna's master? He kept a tight reign on his emotions as he continued to listen.

"If Kagome dies…"

"There is no desire in my heart for her to die. If Sesshomaru decides to continue his search and pursuit of me, I will ensure that Kagome lives, frozen as she might be. If he kills me, the curse will be set eternally and there will be nothing I can do to remove it, however…" She paused and looked directly to him and Shippo with a wicked smile on her face, alerting them that she had known and knew they were there even though the other woman did not. "If he and her son do as I ask, they need not fear my wrath and neither should our master."

Sesshomaru's eyes closed to slits as he met the woman's gaze. She was playing a dangerous game. More dangerous than any opponent he had faced since Naraku. Her actions were as reckless as Kagura's had been.

The other woman smirked faintly. The only proof of her sardonic smile was the shadowed curling of her lips. "Do as you wish, Izayoi, but our master owns your heart and soul. Remember he could kill you at his will and nullify your curse on the girl if your plans fail."

As the hooded woman began to walk away, Izayoi looked onto her back. "Tell him that he should trust me. Tell him that he should know he can trust me. I bear the miko no ill will, but she is a tool for the moment and vastly more effective than the girl might have been. Kagome could have nullified my curse if she had not been the one I placed it upon. Had she not been so stunned by my approach and let down her guard to me in her shock, I never would have been able to pull her under my power. Tell our master that her guilt is still fresh and cutting. Ensure he knows that before you inform him of my decision to ignore his wishes."

The other woman smirked again, though more visibly. She looked at the flower in her hand. "Take care. He did not pull you out of death and into this world again only so that you might be killed by the inuyoukai, Sesshomaru."

Izayoi nodded and smiled darkly as the woman rushed away in a swirl of snow and wind and fallen leaves. She raised her gaze again to meet Sesshomaru's eyes. "You are touching the snow and so I am able to sense you, Sesshomaru. You and the kitsune, though I have no quarrel with him. Come out. We have much to discuss."

"Yes. We do Izayoi. A great deal." He replied as he stood and entered the snowy clearing. Across the expanse of white at the same distance they had been centuries before when he had cast her from his lands to the will of the snow they locked their gazes. Only, now, in the winter light with his beloved's son standing so near behind him, Sesshomaru realized how completely vulnerable and at her mercy he was. "Tell me what it is you want."

"The answer is relatively simple. In fact, you should know it by now." She said in amusement. "It is still yet to be seen, though, how I wish you to give me your life, Sesshomaru."

The woman rushed from the clearing so quickly, carried by her magic, that she barely saw the world around her. She felt it, sensed it, but did not see it as she returned to her master's side. Far in the Northern mountains she found him hidden in what had once been a large wolf's den. He sat near the back of the den upon a large seat of wolf and other assorted pelts. At his side were two swords intricately carved and decorated. Their powers were entirely held in check by the youkai's great control of will so that they balanced each other completely. His long, waving black hair fell to the floor in a pool around him and formed a frame for his face. Deep, jagged purple marks adorned each cheek and his deep golden eyes that were flecked in red fell on the slight woman who entered his domain.

"Why has Izayoi not released the miko from her curse? Did she not understand my orders? Does she believe that my bonds to her might soften my resolve to end her if she decides to go against me?" His voice was harsh but there was an undertone of silk that ran through every word. Stained, bloodied silk.

The young woman laid the lavender flower before him and heard his sadistic chuckle. "She says that she does not intend for the miko to die. She says that she only uses Kagome to further her ends and that, while she confronts and distracts Sesshomaru, you should use the time and diversion she has given you with the miko. She says that Kagome's heart is still laden with guilt and that she is vulnerable. She says you should know by now to trust her."

He smirked and stood, then stepped onto the flower, breaking and smashing it into the dusty rock floor of the den. "She was always good at lying to suit her purposes. However, she has given me a golden opportunity that will not come so easily again. Gather the others and tell them I have work for them in the West. If Sesshomaru and Shippo defeat Izayoi, I will need all of you to distract him while I go to Kagome and kill the girl who has begun to claim her as mother." He snarled faintly at the words, bearing his teeth.

"Do you wish for us to keep our identities hidden if we must engage them?"

He nodded faintly and almost laughed as he studied the woman before him. "If he realizes who any of you are, then he will realize who it is he is fighting. Currently your scents are so mingled with mine and it is so different from our last encounter you have no worry that he might recognize you that way, however your faces… Ensure that he does not see them if you must engage. Go now. Find the others and give them your orders. I am at my end of patience."

Once the woman had departed, he walked from his place and returned to the pelts. His eyes fell on the broken flower and he was instantly reminded of Kagome. Her stormy, dark blue eyes and her long, jet black hair that felt like silk between his fingers, her voice as it wrapped around his mind when she spoke or sang or sighed. The way her warmth felt against him. The way her breath and scent always carried the lingering affects of some sweetness from flowers or herbs. The way her whole being would light up and warm. How deeply, utterly he wanted her. He stood suddenly and walked to the mouth of the den. He gathered a cloud beneath his feat that was the color of a nimbus carrying rain, and then flew in the direction of Sesshomaru's palace. He had waited long enough to claim her.

Her breathing came in choppy, labored breaths that were as icy as her brow. Her troubled dreams were filled with visions of Sesshomaru fighting the yuki-onna and dying in her son's arms coupled with her last moments at Inuyasha's side. The two scenes seem to play simulations, taunting her in a cruel and malicious dance of a possible fate and the past. She tried so hard to recall a summer's day two years before when she had laid in the smothering heat drenched in sweat and an icy inuyoukai blew a faint breeze over her skin when he thought she was not paying attention to alleviate her discomfort. He was not so icy, she amended in her mind as she fought for that memory. It was his farce. It was his defense against the world. All the summer days she had spent in his palace and grounds could not dispel the cold that had claimed her. She knew suddenly that only he could ever hope to clear the ice away from her soul and body. Perhaps he was the only one whose warmth she would accept now. How she ached to be happy. Slowly he had worked to warm her through the years. She knew deep beneath the surface of the murky depths of her mind that Sesshomaru longed to see her truly happy. He ached for her to be free of her guilt. He ached to sooth away her pain. Her mind knew but did not understand what that really meant. She could not fathom that he loved her. Her heart was too broken, to heavy with guilt and inner turmoil for her to understand exactly what she meant to him. She could not grasp the depths he would descend to or the heights he would risk for her, in her name. She did not understand he was willing to die for her, but part of her knew he would never abandon her. Deep below the surface of her thoughts, resting at the bottom of a silty, fertile pool lived a gem of knowledge that sometimes would catch the stronger sunbeams that he tried to cast into her depths and it would shimmer and shine with another kind of understanding. The understanding, which frightened her, hurt her, made her continue living. The understanding that she loved the inuyoukai and would give up her life for him, even give it up to him if he ever found the strength to ask her. If he ever really had the desire to hold her. Even her guilt for another beloved's loss could not overwhelm that understanding and, though it brought her pain, it was a pain she thought she could bear so long as Sesshomaru never left her.

But she could never say the words. She was afraid. She was so horribly broken and lost, like a trampled flower pulled from the snow. What she was certain she would never admit was, sometimes, when her eyes were far away and caught in a memory unbidden, the white was not white. The white was silver. The gold was not gold. The gold was amber. She would never admit it. She would never say the words. And with those words, the admission would be held as well that in those times when a crescent moon replaced a cock sure grin, her pain dulled, her guilt faded and her heart dared to beat again.


	4. Fuyuzare

_Fuyuzare (winter withering)_

His arm was aching from the inside out up to just below his sternum. It was hard to breathe, hard to move without pain. He knew time was short. He turned his head slightly and looked on his beloved where she slept nearby with the nekoyoukai pressed to her belly, purring. Kirara had been unusually protective of the young woman for several weeks now and he could only guess why. He smiled a sad smile and carefully stood so that the beautiful girl, nor the miko or kitsune woke as he left them for the last time.

He walked until he could no longer stand the pain and collapsed, curled around his arm, grasping the prayer beads with white knuckles. He pressed his eyes closed and allowed himself to cry. Naraku had been thrust into hell by Inuyasha. Had the dark hanyou actually been dead, his kazana would have faded and he would not be facing his own death. They had all expected it to fade. They had all expected Inuyasha to return with news that Naraku had been completely devoured by the fires of hell. They had all expected a lot of things and none were less than a happily ever after. Yet, his kazana continued to grow unabated and Inuyasha never returned. Months had passed without any hope. He began to consider himself a casualty of war. He had accepted his fate and was glad for it if it meant the world was safe from Naraku who was now trapped in the underworld. And then she had come to him in the night barely a month before.

She had been crying. The wet was still fresh on her face as she kissed him. She had followed him into the forest to the spring where he was bathing and had captured his lips with a kind of desperation only loss could bring. He could still hear her words as he tried to push her away with her voice heavy with sorrow and tears.

"Don't push me away… I barely have enough courage for this. I can't watch you die never knowing what it felt like to really be yours. If I'm going to lose you, Miroku, at least leave me something of you. Don't leave me alone to this world, please."

He had never been a man known for his restraint, but he had fought himself successfully up until that moment. He could have had her so many times, but he was afraid. He was afraid of leaving her ruined when he could not claim her. When he could not be husband as well as lover. She deserved more than that, he had reasoned. She deserved a life. What little control and restraint he might have had vanished with her words.

They had taken their time, determined to make the night last. Only when the first kisses of sunlight touched their naked skin where they lay, curled together beside the spring, did they dare returned to camp. He hadn't dared to try again. Not only did he fear leaving her with a child who would die of the same curse he was under, the pain had only increased after their coupling. Every day and night since had been filled with one level of agony or another that crippled him to anything but resting in her embrace, taking what comfort he could from her touch and kisses.

The way Kirara had been acting, he supposed their first and only coupling had been enough to produce a child. The thought brought him both joy and agony. He was certain Sango did not know or she would have said something. She would have told him before that moment. He shook in agony at the thought of her raising their child alone, facing the curse and the world alone when he should have been by her side. The guilt was overwhelming. Almost more overwhelming than the pain.

And then there was warmth wrapped around him, arms wrapped around him, and soft lips pressed to his brow. He shuddered and cried out as a bolt of pain shot through him. It was beginning.

"Sango… My love, go…" He gasped as he opened his eyes and met her still and certain gaze. "I'm dying and I won't take you with me."

"I go where you go." She murmured and kissed him with reverence and love, clinging to him. "I lost my whole family. I couldn't follow them. Naraku wouldn't let me follow them and neither would you but you can't stop me now… You're all I have left, Miroku. I won't leave you. I will follow you."

"There is… A child, Sango." He bit out as he tried to press her from him with weak pressure. "Our child… I am certain of it. You have the child to live for, please."

"You don't know that…"

"I don't have to know it, I feel it. Please, Sango… Please. I cannot be the cause of my beloved and my child's deaths. I would rather face hell than know you died because you refused to leave me. It is my curse."

She began to weep but refused to leave him. Her lips sought and found his again, kissing him hard and with meaning. "I can't. I can't do it." Her fingers traced along his jaw to his lips and she pressed her brow to his. He tried again in vain to push her from him, but he had no more strength. He felt the pull, then the sharp tug. His heart broke as he realized what was to come. "I love you." He heard her whisper. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, finally realizing he could never push her away or convince her to leave.

"I love you too, Sango. I always have. Only ever you." He whispered, then screamed as the kazana opened and pulled them both into the blackness mercilessly.

She raced through the forest to where she had heard the monk scream. Her feline eyes flashed in the dark as she approached where the well of dark power was building and snarled. The scent of the child had been growing, but she had no way to tell Sango what she knew. There was no way to tell Miroku that, while he was damned to die by the curse, his child held no scent of it within its mother. She could not whisper the secrets she knew to them that might have brought them some sort of hope.

The nekoyoukai found her way to them too late. Only a deep crater remained in the forest where Miroku and Sango had been together. She mewed in anguish as she realized their passing and mourned even more deeply as she heard Kagome and Shippo approach. The three stood immobile until dawn at the edge of the crater, engulfed in shock only complete loss could bring. The miko dropped to her knees and began to weep.

"Kami… Why?" She gasped and cradled her face in her hands. Shippo clung to her side and also began to cry, but Kirara only kept her feline eyes on the center of the crater where they had held to each other, waiting for the end. "It's all my fault…"

"No… Momma, it isn't your fault. It's nobody's fault." The kitsune sobbed.

Kirara snarled faintly and turned away from the two. It was someone's fault, but not the miko's. Not even the hanyou, Inuyasha, could be blamed for what had occurred. It was Naraku's fault and she, in that moment, pledged to herself as she had the day the Shikon no Tama had been created that she would dedicate herself to finding a way to right that wrong.

As she turned, Kagome shuddered and felt her soul tear slightly at the sight. She couldn't have known what the nekoyoukai was thinking in that moment. Kirara had no words to express that she hated Naraku, not Kagome, and was going on her own quest to find a way into hell to avenge Sango and Miroku and their unborn child. She had no way to express what she knew and felt and needed to do. Yet the azure eyes of the miko saw her walking away and upon her already heavy heart she took a new guilt. The death of Miroku and Sango.

He watched her curled against the hanyou's chest. Her breathing was even and soft. It had taken her hours to fall asleep after Inuyasha had told her the plan and then she had woken from a nightmare. The inuyoukai feared that it was not a nightmare. He feared it was a premonition. The hanyou had gone to her and held her in an uncharacteristic show of affection and concern. He'd whispered to her that it would be all right. He whispered that she needed to trust him. He whispered that he would never leave her for long. He whispered that he would come back to her, no matter what it took. He whispered this knowing that his brother would hear him, knowing that his brother would be watching them, knowing that it would hurt him. Perhaps it was not so much that he knew his actions would hurt the taiyoukai. Sesshomaru had taken care that his emotions were hidden. In the beginning, the miko had touched a nerve in him. She was fiery and strong willed. She was everything that a proper woman should not be and yet, somehow it was that fire that drew him in and made him weak. She was intelligent and brave almost to the point of carelessness and had a capacity to love and forgive that stilled even his beast. He respected her. She was one of the few humans he ever had respected in his long life and what hurt him was that Inuyasha did not respect her, as he should.

She loved him. It was plain to see that she had given her whole heart to him and he didn't seem either to care or know what to do with it. As she slept, Sesshomaru watched as his brother ran his clawed hands through her hair, though he kept his eyes closed. His actions were so tender, so unusual, it made the inuyoukai wonder why Inuyasha chose then to do such a thing.

As if hearing his thoughts, the boy whispered the answer. "She needs to be strong to make the wish. She needs to believe that it will all work out and that we'll be happy together once this is all over."

Sesshomaru quirked his brow faintly. "She needs to believe you love her."

"Yes." He replied breathlessly, holding her closer to him when she began to stir. Once she was settled again, he continued. "Not that you care what happens to us after this battle, but she is very important to me."

"Do you love her?" He asked, keeping his voice soft.

The hanyou paused. "I care about her very much. I want her to be happy and I know that I can make her happy once this is all over."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I don't have to." He said with the faintest smirk. "You've been staring at us for hours. I could almost hear your mind working and I definitely can feel your eyes on us, so just knock it off."

"When you are wished back from hell, will it be for her or for yourself that you make a life?"

"Why the hell do you need to know that? Not like you care."

"I will not stop staring at you until you answer, half breed."

His ears flattened and he scowled. His eyes opened half way and he looked at his brother through the corner of his gaze. "I want to live, you bastard. No matter how it turns out, I want to have a life and she can give me that with her wish once we've gotten Naraku."

Sesshomaru sneered and felt disgust rise in his throat heavily laden with the taste of bile. "She deserves to be loved."

"And she will be… I won't leave her… Not until she's found somebody. Hell, I don't even know if I could be that somebody. I want her to be happy, Sesshomaru."

"You're a coward. You are afraid of allowing yourself to feel for someone who could return your love. Do not tempt her with a dream. If you hold it to her you should make good on the promise rather than balking because you are afraid."

Inuyasha smirked and leaned to kiss the miko's brow. "I answered your question. Let me sleep and keep your damned eyes off us. Gives me the creeps."

The taiyoukai scowled and looked away out into the forest. He couldn't watch them any more. The sight actually did hurt him deeply. Somewhere within his chest, something kept twisting and churning, making him want to groan for the agony it caused. He couldn't place the part, though, or why it was twisting so violently. He had never felt something so severe caused by something so slight.

Then he noticed the change in her breathing. At some point she had woken up and was still awake in his arms, even if only half way. He wondered how much she'd heard. He wondered if it mattered to her that she heard where his heart lay. She was a loyal creature like Rin. If she loved or gave her devotion, it was not lightly. It was with full intent. Inuyasha had what he did not deserve, not because he was not worthy of companionship or love, but because he was unsteady. He would topple her and risk destroying everything that was beautiful about her and it was physically hurting the taiyoukai to think on it. Slowly her breathing evened out with Inuyasha's and, when he was certain that the hanyou was asleep, he returned his gaze to the slumbering miko. She had turned in her sleep at some point so Inuyasha was curled around her with his arm draped around her waist while the other rested beneath her, supporting her head. One of her hands rested over his were it lay on her abdomen and the other, as if woven like silken threads in the finest fabric, was laced with his clawed fingers in a leisurely and yet possessive grasp. He looked at his only hand and wondered what it would feel like to have her fingers woven with his so that their warmth mingled and blended in such a way that they could not tell where each began.

That curiosity and tightness in his chest had never left him since that night so many years before. Even as he looked across the expanse at Izayoi, the yuki-onna, he flexed his fingers and tried to envision her slender fingers woven with his and held in a gentle yet claiming grasp. She was always with him, if only through the flesh she had created and the bone she had knitted to replace what had been lost to carelessness.

"If you want my life, take it, Izayoi. Take it, but free her. She does not deserve your wrath, she is innocent." He said softly but with slight venom for the woman before him.

She raised her brows in surprise. "You shock me, Sesshomaru. I did not think you would give up your existence so easily. This is not like the proud man who threw me and my son into the snow to die…"

"That boy you knew grew up a long time ago, Izayoi. There is only now this Sesshomaru, the man. A man owns his mistakes as I have taken ownership of my actions toward you and my brother." He studied her and smiled faintly. It was a gentle smile as the thought of Kagome well touched his mind and that he could ensure such a thing with such an easy action. "Once I would have killed anyone who would have called my father's sacrifice for you and Inuyasha noble, but now I would have to agree. He died for those he loved. He sacrificed himself for your lives and I can only do his memory honor and redeem my own by undertaking the same noble actions. I love her, Izayoi. She does not know, could never accept it, but I love her and so it is an easy thing to give you what you ask so that she will live. Perhaps when I meet my father again he will forgive me for damning you to the cold and your death. Perhaps he can forgive me for leaving my own brother to the hatred and scorn of the world. I do not expect such a kindness… But I can hope."

"You are lying! These are not the words of Sesshomaru, the man who cast us from his lands on a winter night!"

"No, they aren't, Lady." His voice was soft but forceful. She looked panicked and confused. All of her rage was coming to naught because she had no place to direct it now that Sesshomaru had so easily offered himself up. "It isn't easy to kill someone when they make themselves a martyr, is it? You know he's sincere and it forces you to pause. And when you paused, you were forced to consider that you might have been wrong and now, because you have a good heart, Izayoi, you consider forgiving him and letting him and Kagome live."

"Be quiet, kitsune! You have no place in this!" She cried out. Suddenly her face was hot and wet. She touched her cheeks and found glistening tears there. Her breath caught in her throat. "What a wonder that I can cry at all…" She looked up and met their gazes. She began to see clearly for the first time since her resurrection. "There is more of your father in you than I had thought… But perhaps I always knew, Sesshomaru. Satori never hated the way you hated… And there is nothing but a sword's blade of space between hate and love."

The storm began to die down to the soft falling of flakes as the yuki-onna's rage faded. "Will you free her from your curse, then?"

She nodded once and smiled sadly. "Without the requested toll, Sesshomaru… Though I fear my master will not be so kind. His minions are already on their approach."

"If I might ask, Lady…" Shippo studied the woman carefully, noting the stark contrast of the black of her hair on the snow white of her skin and clothing. "Who is your master?"

She was going to speak. The words simply were choked before they could make sound and escape her lips. Her throat collapsed in a crushing grip and she gagged, gasping for breath. Her eyes bulged and widened before tears again slipped down her face. She shook and felt the darkness claim her again as well as the ice of death. He was killing her before she could say her name and some part of her broke irreparably even though she knew it was not his true choice to kill her again.

Sesshomaru looked on in horror as an unseen hand killed the yuki-onna. The life was choked out of her before she could divulge the identity of her master, but more he found himself mourning the woman because she had forgiven him, given him a second chance, allowed him to redeem himself and he could not save her from her ultimate fate. Before he or Shippo could reach her, she had gone and was so many snowflakes claimed by the wind.

He snarled and looked at his fist. He could almost feel the life crushed out of her within his palm. Even miles away he could sense her treachery. She had forgiven him, but he would not be so kind to the inuyoukai. Still, he felt regret that he had to end the yuki-onna in such a way. If she were to die, she should have at least seen it coming. He owed her that much. His snarl died and he smiled sadly. "Why did you make me do it? Why did you have to betray me? Once you were willing to die for me and now… Now it seems any love you had for me withered away entirely. How could you… Why did you make me do it, Mother?" He looked at the fine thread of power he'd torn from Izayoi before he had killed her. It was linked to Kagome and kept her frozen and ebbing toward death. He didn't mind keeping her in such a state so long as it was him who was saving her and not Sesshomaru. At least now it would appear that his warmth would bring her back from the brink of death and not the taiyoukai's willingness to sacrifice him self.

He had stopped in his approach of the palace to kill the yuki-onna and so resumed his trek when he sensed two presences approaching. He stopped again and turned to them. The woman stood within arm's reach of the man, both dressed in black with their faces hidden by full-faced leather masks. His was of a weeping old man and hers was of a laughing old woman. "Why are you not doing as you were commanded? I sent you your orders."

"We wondered why you decided to go alone. It is not the wisest course of action to enter a taiyoukai's realm uninvited even when he is not at home." The man said in a smooth, calm voice.

"You know I will not go in alone. She who accompanies me is waiting at the wall of his palace, hidden in the shadows. She has been stalking the place for weeks now in several different forms."

"Is it wise to trust her with your safety? When she first came upon us, it was with the intent to kill you."

"Woman, if you and your lover do not stop questioning my wisdom, I will be forced to question why I keep the both of you still alive." He snarled, making them both step back. "I do not trust her to be loyal, but I trust her to be herself and guard me… At least from myself."

"You gave her great powers not natural to her… To shape shift and walk in the shadows, however, unlike the rest of us you never asked for hold over her life so if she betrayed you, you could end her."

"Believe me, there's a part of me that regrets that decision every moment…" He met the indigo eyes of the man through his mask when a faint kiss of light touched them through the shadows. "But the part of me that still… Wants to return for her, to be with her needs for there to be at least one who can stop me when I cannot stop myself."

"Are you certain you want us to go after Sesshomaru?" Her voice was soft and full of concern. The man was more than her master. Once, the man had been her friend.

He nodded faintly and his golden, crimson-flecked eyes flashed with a dark glee. "I am certain. More than my desire for Kagome is my desire to see him dead… But take care that the kitsune is not hurt. She would never forgive me for that."

As they turned to leave, he tasted the bittersweet of regret welling in his throat. He looked at his hand that had been so tightly fisted only moments before and shuddered. She was dead. Finally and completely dead and it had been his hand, not Sesshomaru's, that had killed her. He felt some of his control slip and his eyes began to shift from their shimmering gold to a shade more possessed by burgundy than the precious yellow shade. He shook and fell to his knees, grasping his chest. No. He wouldn't let this happen. He had come so far and worked for so long to ensure this day went perfectly. He would not let him take over, not again. He scraped ragged breathes through his throat and lungs, pressing his eyes closed. His hand reached for the hilt of the blade at his hip. "Go back…" He gritted through clenched teeth. "Go back or I will end it here." He felt the darkness recede back into the depths of his soul and when he opened his eyes only a few flecks of crimson flawed his golden irises. He stood slowly and brushed the dirt from his clothing and then smoothed his hair. He turned back toward the palace and began to walk with greater intent. He conjured her scent again, brought her face into view again and allowed the feel of her silken hair to reach his fingertips once more. He would dispel the ice that had taken her and then take her for his own as he always should had. He had come back for her and there was no one who could stand in his way.


	5. Itsuru

_Itsuru (Freeze)_

Narrowly he dodged the oncoming onslaught of attacks throw from the blade of his opponent. It was the blade that confused him. The last time he had seen the sword was in the hand of a snowy haired hanyou before he walked into hell. Kouga had to use all of his dexterity and speeds just to barely avoid each barrage and, without his armor, he had very little defense against the deadly attacks. Inwardly he cursed that he had let Kagome distract him so fully that he would forget such an important detail. A few miles away, left to rust in the elements was his breastplate and gauntlets. With his luck some human mortal would find them, not see their intrinsic value and melt them down for some other practical use. He scowled and dodged again. He didn't recognize the scent of the warrior who attacked him, though his face was vaguely familiar. No, that wasn't true as he paused slightly to take in the man's shadowed face more fully. He did recognize the face, however the dog-ears and silver hair was gone, replaced by angular youkai ears like his own and long ebony hair that fell to his knees. He was the very form of Inuyasha; only he was a full-blooded youkai. What disturbed Kouga was how familiar and yet unfamiliar his scent was. Faintly, there was Inuyasha, however it was all together altered and blended with another scent that sickened him to contemplate.

The edge of an attack caught his right leg, sending him sprawling to the ground. He was only grazed, but the agony that shot up his leg into his side let him know what a full barrage might succeed in doing if he was not more careful. He met the youkai's gaze and noted that in the golden depths were crimson flecks and he found his fears confirmed. "You dirty bastard! You merged with that hanyou! You betrayed us all!"

Inuyasha snarled and gripped the hilt of his sword and stared down the ice blue eyes of the wolf in front of him. "You have no idea what you are talking about. You believe I would have made this choice if it had been presented to me? You actually think I wanted his dirty soul merged with mine? You really are stupid, Kouga."

"Then why? Why did this happen?" He stared in disbelief as the youkai sheathed his sword again. "Kagome has been waiting for you, you bastard."

"You think I would go to her like this? She wished me back from hell and what she would receive is half of the man she loved and the other half… The other half everything she hates." He laughed cruelly and shook his head, not diverting his eyes from Kouga. He wouldn't let him escape. "What we did not know was that a moment in hell is like an eternity of agony for a human soul. Naraku's humanity was burnt away easily, but mine… Mine took longer. I fought to survive until Kagome made her wish and though the youkai in me knows it was barely even a moment, the human that was destroyed knew a kind of torment and agony before he died that I wouldn't have wished even on Naraku." He smirked at the horror stricken look that adorned the wolf's face. "Don't pretend like you care, Kouga. You're a bad actor."

"I'm not pretending, Inuyasha… You wouldn't wish that on Naraku and I wouldn't wish that on you. Even after Kagome rebuked me earlier." He scowled at the stupid grin that possessed the other man's face. "Enjoy it while you can."

"Oh, I intend to…" He chuckled and studied the wolf. "Does she taste as sweet as she looks?"

Kouga laughed ruefully. Inuyasha was playing with him. "Yes. Sweeter. And why the hell are you toying with me like this?"

"Because the part of me that is Naraku takes pleasure in it…."

"He survived after all we did to him in the last battle?"

"Barely. When we merged he was so weak that it was easy to push him to the back of my mind. Our souls merged as completely as our flesh. My beast and his desperately needed to survive hell and without our human halves, we were forced to choose the only other option for survival. The only reason I can grasp that I am the dominant part of the soul we share is because of Kagome's wish. She did not wish Naraku back from hell, she wished for me."

"She needs you, Inuyasha, no matter what has happened. A little part of her is dying every day… Even after she's turned me away, I can't help loving her. I want her to survive. I want her to be happy and to be loved."

"I will go to her in time… However, first I have some business to attend to. Namely you and your new mate, Ayame." He smiled wickedly and laughed at the wolf youkai's look of horror.

"Leave her out of this, she doesn't deserve your wrath!" He felt panic coursing through his body. He had to protect her. She was his mate.

"Oh, too late. You see, I already have her, I only need to rebirth her into this world as my servant as soon you will be, Kouga." From deep in the dark of the forest two forms walked into view. The first was a woman with a mask covering her face that smiled sweetly. The second was a man who wore another mask of an old man weeping. He put out his hand and opened his palm revealing a black spiraling hole that no longer threatened to devour his being or his beloved. "Did you ever wonder where all of the youkai and humans devoured by the cured kazana Miroku's family carried all those years actually went?"

Kouga held on for dear life as he felt the pull of the blackness draw him in. It was so powerful, so overwhelming he wasn't sure how long he could hold out. "Make him stop, Inuyasha! This isn't the way!"

"I really think that isn't your call, Kouga. This is the way. My way. The only way I have left for me. And with you fighting at my side along with your mate, the world will be hard pressed to go any other way but mine." He chuckled as the wolf lost his grip and was drawn into the kazana.

He closed his hand around the void and willed it away, leaving the smooth surface of his palm. He reached up and pushed back his mask so he could look at his old friend properly. "Have we taken all you wish to form your army, Inuyasha?"

"There are only two more I wish for. The first will find me. She has been hunting me now for a while. I believe I have something I can trade for her loyalty. The second I will need to have help in summoning back from the dead." He looked to the dark haired woman as she pushed back her mask. "Sango, I charge you with the duty of bringing Kaede to me. Her power should prove useful in summoning Izayoi from death."

"What is it you are so willing to trade with the other, Inuyasha?" Sango asked softly as she leaned against her beloved and he wrapped his arm around her gently.

Inuyasha smiled softly to them. He had been watching them, torn apart because of his own fate and unable to dispel the curse on Miroku. He had felt helpless and all the while Naraku had taunted him from the back of his mind. Only if that half of himself was willing to release the monk would the curse ever be removed and the dark, rank, vile creature simply took too much delight in watching their agony. Especially after the scent of her pregnancy had reached them. He cursed himself, cursed his fate as he watched his two dearest friends pulled from the life they should have had simply because he was too weak to force Naraku into submission. He shuddered and felt hot tears course down his cheeks. He bent his head and wept as he watched Kagome weep, internalizing her pain, blaming herself. But it wasn't her fault. It was his fault. It was all his fault. He had a list as long as his sword of things he should have done, could have done that would have changed the outcome of their stories. The list that began with seeing Kagome for the woman she actually was and not for the life she had lived as Kikyo. When Kikyo had died finally and the fissure of Kagome's soul had been returned to her, finally making her soul complete again, he should have seen the truth, but he hadn't. The greatest and most important thing he should have done was that he should have told her every time he thought of it how much and how deeply he loved her simply for being her. Simply for loving him. Simply and totally because he was the hanyou warrior and not for what he could have been. He should have told her how much he loved her simply because she was Kagome and not because she reminded him of Kikyo.

He watched as Kirara stalked off and trembled, as Kagome seemed to break even more. How he ached to hold her. How he longed to comfort her, but he feared she would not. Even more he feared Naraku who, upon his desire to comfort the miko, saw the opportunity to break her fragile neck. No. He couldn't go to her. Not yet. Certainly not now. And then he had sensed them, deep within him. His friends. Miroku and Sango held in stasis within the eternity that was his body. It was part of Naraku's power, he realized. Naraku absorbed more power through Miroku's family curse and then transformed that power as he saw fit. Inuyasha grasped a fragment of hope and rushed away to a secluded cave he had been calling home to bring Miroku and Sango back from their torment within him. He gave them greater grace, power, immortality and dexterity. He put the power of the kazana under Miroku's will and ensured it would never devour him again. Once they had been rebirthed, his mind focused on the slender life of their child that still remained within him. He wrapped it in light to protect it and keep it until it was fully developed. He would not allow it to be tainted by Naraku.

"I have told you both before that I have been protecting your child as she grows so that, when she is ready to be born, she will not be tainted by Naraku. When I speak of alliances, I will use the child to ensure that an agreement is met. She will bend for this child because of her nature and devotion and I will leave her will and control without keeping a part of her for myself."

"Why would you do that? You haven't done that even for us." Miroku asked, raising a brow.

"I need my friends close to me to support me. Once Kouga and Ayame are reborn, I will need you both to run interference with them… She is another matter entirely. If I lose control even for a moment, I need someone to have the power to kill me. To kill him. He can't be allowed to take control and I need her to watch me."

"How could she know…"

"My scent, Sango. Currently it is mostly my own, but when he takes control, it shifts as much as my personality and eyes shift. She could detect that. I won't have you absorb her, Miroku. That will cause her to be linked to me as you are linked to me, but I can give her powers in other ways. To shape shift and slip through shadows. But only if she agrees. I will not take her by force." He said simply and smiled sadly. He hadn't intended to take Miroku and Sango, but he couldn't leave them where they were. So long as he didn't alter their child, she would be safe from Naraku's influence after her birth, however Kouga and Ayame would be bound to him and tainted forever or until he died. When he died, if he died, they would be drawn into death with him. He couldn't release them. He could only kill them or die with them or give them life by his side. He didn't mourn enslaving Kouga and Ayame, but he rued having taken Miroku and Sango even if it wasn't his choice. He refused to enslave another friend.

Flesh and bone knit together in a kind of pain that was kin to agony. He shuddered and watched her tranquil face as she focused. There was a soft blush to her cheeks and her lips were stained with deep rue that contrasted her pale features. Her face was framed in glossy jet waves and with her lips slightly parted she reminded him of a lover in the throws of passion. She did not realize this, of course. She could not see how beautiful she was in that moment or any moment that she had lived beside him. All she saw was the face in the mirror. She had never glimpsed herself at any other time than when she scrutinized her features each morning and evening in the glass. Everyone else saw her true beauty. In her smiles, her blushes, her laughter and even in her tears. He had never known a person to be beautiful when she wept until he had met Kagome.

He had to fight leaning to her slightly to kiss her. He wanted to so desperately and the sensations coursing through him as she regenerated his arm only made that desire more real. Her fingers on his slowly returning flesh were like tiny pin pricks of ecstasy. He wondered what she felt in that moment. He wondered what she was thinking. He wondered if he'd ever have the strength to ask her.

Her breathing quickened as she began to regenerate his hand. He fought to retain control over his body as each pressure point of both pain and pleasure were reestablished and regenerated. He fought and lost as a soft groan escaped him and he shuddered. He felt her tremble as well and marveled when she began to regenerate and reform the glands in his claws that produced poison. He felt her energy retreat and closed his eyes regretfully that she was so quickly gone from his aura and life force. She had been a shining, glowing presence that warmed his whole being. He heard her whimper and his eyes shot open to see her collapse against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her into his lap.

"You hadn't needed to complete the task in one sitting…"

"I wanted to, Sesshomaru-sama." She whispered and curled into his embrace. Sleep and weariness were fighting to claim her. "You have been incomplete long enough."

"My carelessness caused such a flaw in my person. You should not have exhausted yourself so fully." He murmured as he stood and carried her from his study back to her room. She laughed faintly and he looked down to see her eyes half open, looking on him. "What is so humorous?"

"When you lost your arm the last thing you would have thought the future would have brought you was the same miko who your brother was defending returning your arm, I bet." She yawned faintly and her eyes closed completely. "And now you're treating me like Rin… Carrying me around when I can't keep my eyes open because I've worn myself out. I know the last thing I thought would happen that day was that I'd be curled in your arms and that you'd be showing me so much care."

"You have shown Rin care, Miko." He replied and his eyes sparkled in amusement as the young woman began to drift off in his arms. "You have shown care for this Sesshomaru. You should never expect anything, only know that kindness is never ignored and care never unseen. You have a place here along with the kitsune. It could be your home if you so choose."

She smiled faintly as they entered her room. He settled her onto her bed and then went to open her window to let in the sweet scents of spring. A few stray blossoms slipped in on the wind and settled in her hair. Pink on ebony. She curled to her side and he watched as her smile only deepened. "Home…" She murmured, already half asleep. "You are my home." She breathed as dreams finally claimed her.

He froze and felt the tightness in his chest return and twist almost painfully. No. She couldn't have meant her words. She was near sleep and, in all likelihood, was seeing her love, his bastard brother. She, certainly, could not have meant him. Not in his most incredible dreams would he even begin to contemplate such a thing. He shuddered and looked at his newly regenerated hand. He flexed his fingers slightly and smiled a sad, lost smile. He rarely entertained anything, even the feelings of loss or love or failure. But she had given him something, something more precious than his lost limb. She gave him some of her warmth, some of her life. She deserved to be repaid in kind as he had for Rin.

She was crying again. A gasping sob slipped from her. She could not control the shaking through her body. She was so ungodly cold. But the ache was worse. The ache knowing what she would be losing upon her death. Her son… Her beautiful son would be alone again and Rin, the sweet girl who looked at her like a mother would watch another loved one torn from her. And Sesshomaru… How many times had she had the chance to tell him what he'd come to mean to her? How many times could she have let go of Inuyasha and simply moved on with a man who so easily seemed to love her? She could accept that he loved her now. She was so terribly cold and she could see death waiting for her. She could let go of the illusions and fears she had and actually see what she had dismissed so many times. He loved her. He would die for her. But more, he would hold back for her. He would keep himself from his own selfish desires so she could have her space and heal as she should heal in the time her soul would take naturally rather than at the pace he might have desired. He loved her enough to trust her, to care for her from afar while her heart healed. She felt it breaking again, only now it broke for him and not for Inuyasha.

She curled onto her side and tried to conjure the warmth of his aura as it had flooded through her on the day she'd regenerated his arm. She tried to remember what his soul felt like curled against hers and how she shared the intense blend of pain and pleasure he endured as she returned his limb to him. She tried to grasp the strange tightness she'd felt within him then as she had tried to understand it before. A sob wracked through her as she realized what it was. She hadn't understood it before. She couldn't have understood because it was too close to her. It was for her. It was the same tightness she felt when she had thought of Inuyasha with Kikyo. It wasn't jealousy. It was too fragile and shuddering to be that. It was longing. An aching, churning need that was overwhelming and painful and strong, but oh so very sweet and wonderful. To see what one wants and to love it entirely to the point that you stay. You don't reach out. You let it shimmer and spin in your view because you're afraid you will break it. She sobbed and felt the hands of Rin trying to comfort her. She couldn't stop crying and she couldn't feel the girl's warmth. She wanted him to come back. She needed him to come back for her as she had never needed or wanted anything or anyone before. She needed to ease that longing, that tightness in him so he could ease her pain and guilt and make it all right again. Perhaps as it always should have been between them.

She heard a sharp cry that was cut off short. Rin's presence was torn away from her side. She heard a thud and a yelp across the room and fought to open her eyes. When she did, she met crimson flecked gold staring down at her with a strange emotion caught in the gaze. The face was familiar, though unfamiliar and framed in black rather than snowy white. Her breath caught in her throat as a warm hand reached down and smoothed her brow and face, melting away the cold. More tears slipped down her cheeks only to be brushed away by a fervent touch. "Inu… Inuyasha?" She gasped, staring at him with frozen blue eyes.

"I came back for you." He whispered in a voice now smoothed with dirty silk. She trembled and he smiled as he leaned to nip at her lips. When she gasped he kissed her deeply, wrapping his arms around her so she could not pull away, though he doubted she even had the strength. Her kiss was indeed sweet and pure and everything he thought she should be. A soft, weak moan slipped into their kiss, causing him to hold her even more crushingly. Slowly he released the curse of ice that had been cast on her and felt her warmth return with her power.

She shuddered and closed her eyes as she felt her warmth returned joined by his scorching heat. It was Inuyasha, she could tell. She could sense him now, but somehow, tangled in his soul and being was also Naraku. She began to cry again, unsure whether to cling to him or push away from him. In the end, the broken shards of her won out. The parts of her that ached and yearned for him to be alive that were so filled with guilt and longing won out and she slipped her arms around him, weaving her fingers into his hair, returning his kiss. The rest of her ached and screamed for her to stop, to pull away and protect Rin whom she could now sense was being held by the dark youkai's powers in a kind of stasis. Every part but the broken parts wanted to push away. It was wrong. So very wrong to allow this to happen. Her mind flitted from the girl to Shippo and finally to Sesshomaru. Her heart wrenched and twisted painfully in her chest as if it were being torn in two. She couldn't understand how she could love the both of them so completely. She couldn't grasp how her heart could be so torn until the moment when she realized exactly what had happened. She had loved Inuyasha as a girl… But she'd grown up. The only thing that had held her to him was her guilt and agony at losing him. She still loved him, was grateful he was alive even in his current condition, but Sesshomaru… The feeling was so intense it hurt her to focus on it. He had given her a home and comfort and a tentative, furtive, steadfast love. He'd given her a family and safety and hope… Hope. That was the crux of it. He gave her back her hope.

She whimpered and pushed on his chest, trying to break their kiss, but he would not. He continued and pressed her into the bed, barely giving her a moment to breathe. She sobbed and tried desperately to fight him back, but as soon as she fought, her hands were pinned to the bed. He bit her lip just until she began to bleed, causing her to cry out in pain. She looked up and felt her heart wrench painfully as she met his burgundy gaze flecked with her beloved gold.

"Inuyasha?" She whimpered, tasting her own blood as it slipped onto her tongue.

He leaned and nipped along her jaw until he was breathing into her ear. He bit the lobe, causing her to yelp and turn her head away from him. He chuckled in a dark, rough silken voice that was almost sickening to hear. "No, pretty Kagome. Naraku."


	6. Tsumetashi

_Tsumetashi (Cold of things)_

She had been hunting him for weeks, following the odd mingling of scents, however she knew him. She would know him a hundred miles away through a snowstorm. Naraku. His stench was undeniable even when it was covered by the scent of others. It was the others that confused her. Two wolves, one she knew was Kouga, her lost friends, the monk and slayer and another scent… The hanyou who had never returned to the miko. Inuyasha. It was confusing for her why they would be with the dark hanyou who had made their lives such hell, but she did not question. No doubt he had done something to possess them. She would free them, she vowed silently, even if that meant helping them to their final rest.

She was close now. Achingly close. So close she had to fight herself not to simply rush in and attack, but she held back. Though mute, the nekoyoukai was wise and intelligent. She had lived in the world longer than most even suspected. She had stood beside Midoriko and witnessed the birth of the Shikon no Tama, and yet then she was no kitten. She had been a mother several times and raised each litter with love and devotion. She even remembered a time when there had been only few small tribes of humans on the islands when she was only beginning to learn to hunt. She could have gained the ability to speak long before and shape shift, but she had declined the rise of power within her every time, choosing instead to remain as she was. The huntress. The companion. The friend of heroes. She had never regretted her decision until Miroku had succumbed to his curse and taken Sango and their unborn child with him. She had ached to cry out and speak what she knew, but that rise of power was still a century off from returning and her chance was long gone. She would live with that regret forever.

"You know…" The voice was eerily familiar, though it was woven with something silken and dirty. She froze but did not look to where the voice had come from. "I could easily mask my scent and those of my compatriots, but I did not. I wanted you to find me Kirara."

Slowly she turned and looked up to the tree branch where she found the visage of her old friend, once hanyou, now full youkai with crimson flecked golden eyes, jagged purple markings on his cheeks and long ebony hair that flooded around him. She tilted her head and growled faintly. He smelled of himself blended with Naraku.

"Still yourself a moment. I come here with the intent of making a deal with you, my old friend. I realize that you wish to kill Naraku, but you cannot without killing me. While we were in hell, our youkai halves fused once our human halves were burnt away and, because of Kagome's wish, I have control of this body… For now. He is growing stronger, Kirara. I can feel it, though I do not say as much to the others. I was able to bring back Miroku and Sango… For reasons I do not completely understand, I ordered Ayame and Kouga to be brought under our ranks. The child… Miroku and Sango's child is living still within the vast space that now resides within me. I've protected her as well as I can with my own energies and I will bring her into this world untainted by Naraku. She will be given to Kaede to raise until I can find some way… Some way to remedy this. All of this. But I need you. I need you to watch my back so if I turn, you can ensure I don't harm the people I love." He met her crimson gaze and saw the question in her eyes. "I will give you the ability to walk through shadows, to shape shift and, most importantly, to slip through my barriers and remain invisible to me in case he gains control over this body. Kirara, I don't want to die. I want to go back for Kagome. I want my friends to be happy and safe. But I can't do that while I fear Naraku's rise of control. Can I trust you for your help in this?"

She had nodded faintly and shortly thereafter, Inuyasha had imbued her with the promised power. In actuality, all he had to do was provide her with the jolt of power she would have naturally received a century later. She was old enough that she could guide her shift and along with her power over the flames, she gained power over shadows through the ribbon of darkness in the power Inuyasha had provided. The taint did not harm her or connect her to him or Naraku. It simply was and then became a part of her, synchronized with her energies until there was no difference in it.

She walked beside him in the shadows for four years, watching his every move, tracing his scent, ensuring he was always Inuyasha and not Naraku. When he had decided to return to Kagome, she had supported him. When he flew into a jealous rage seeing her with his brother on such intimate, familial terms, she helped to calm him and bring him back to his senses. Then he had brought Izayoi back from the dead with the help of Kaede and he had hatched his plan for vengeance on Sesshomaru for his mother and himself. She could not talk him out of his unreasonable rage, but she had managed to quell and direct it towards more useful means like defending humanity and ensuring that new youkai from the continent did not invade. She could only stave off the onslaught for so long, she had realized, and it pained her. Piece by piece she was losing her dear old friend, Inuyasha.

She felt the shift and her heart ached for it. A soft growl claimed her slender, fragile throat, betraying her position within the shadows. A few tears slipped down her face for the sorrow of it. She would have to kill him now… Or would she? His death would mean the death of her friends. The little girl hidden with Kaede in the far Northern mountains would become an orphan. Kagome might never heal, as she should. So much balanced on Inuyasha living… So much depended on it including her own heart.

Sesshomaru and Shippo would be fighting them soon if not already… If she could stop the battle and approach the palace… She could draw one other with her through the shield Naraku had formed around Kagome's room and knock the youkai unconscious until a better solution could be reached. She had to take the chance. Anything was better than watching them die again. Anything.

She shifted into her nekoyoukai form, the form of her birth and took to the skies in a burst of flame. She rushed without heed of anyone or thing toward where she could sense Miroku and Sango engaging in battle from one direction while Kouga and Ayame approached from the other. She had to be quick.

She snarled faintly as she saw Kouga and Ayame attack together with a whirlwind against the inuyoukai while Miroku and Sango attacked Shippo with their blades, which he was easily deflecting. Sesshomaru had taught him well, it seemed. She landed and shifted immediately into the tall, lithe, ebony haired scarlet-eyed woman that had become her favored form. At her brow was the black diamond and on her wrists and ankles were long black markings as well. She wore a black Chinese style dress with a high collar and long split sleeves that were cuffed at her wrists. The sides were slit up to her hips and the hem was decorated in gold. Her bare clawed feet brushed the snowy ground and she snarled faintly as they did not stop their attacks. She summoned flame and shadows from both her hands, cutting between the warriors to capture their attentions. "If I didn't know any better I would think none of you see me as a threat and that would be a very dangerous determination. Then again I did mask my aura and presence. Only one of numerous gifts given to me by Inuyasha…"

"Silence, Kirara!" Kouga barked out to her, meeting her scarlet eyes with his icy blue ones. "We are here for one reason only. Speaking to the taiyoukai and kitsune on this matter is betrayal!"

"Betayal to who? Your master? He is not my master, he ensured that four years ago. Do you not remember I am his fail safe, Kouga? Would I have even come out of hiding if Inuyasha was still in control?" She growled lowly and gave each of the four servants of Inuyasha a meaningful look. "Your master is no longer in control. There is only Naraku and he has Kagome and Rin surrounded by a shield in your palace, Sesshomaru. I come to try and save the lives of my friends, for I could easily kill him without your assistance. However… If Inuyasha dies…"

"Inuyasha…" He finally tasted the name on his tongue again and it made him ill. He had suspected his brother behind Izayoi's appearance and attack on him through Kagome, but suspecting was different from having proof. "What has he to do with Naraku?"

"Everything." Sango whispered. The battle with Shippo and Sesshomaru was forgotten suddenly as the meaning of Naraku's overthrow of Inuyasha's mind took hold for each of them. "In hell human flesh and souls cannot survive. Once Onigumo and Inuyasha's human blood had been destroyed, their beasts, struggling to survive, merged and became one… In hell a moment is an eternity and so they lived an eternity battling each other for supremacy… And then Kagome made her wish and Inuyasha became dominant as they were drawn together back into the world. So, you see, Naraku has everything to do with Inuyasha and, right now, Naraku is control and he is with Kagome and Rin."

Sesshomaru stilled and extended his perception to his palace. Tension filled his form from the top of his head to the tips of his fingers and toes. Kagome's room was blocked from him. Rin was nowhere to be found. The nekoyoukai was speaking the truth. Without a word he took to the sky in the direction of his home, however he was stopped in his track by the same nekoyoukai who stood on a sphere of fire in his way. He felt his beast rage within him, however, without his mokomokosama, he could not transform. The furry extension of his life force was still wrapped around Kagome to keep her warm and was the only way he knew she was alive currently and that the curse had been lifted. Not even Naraku's shield could block his connection to his mokomokosama. "Move or die." He growled, though his eyes did not bleed red as they might have.

"You need to calm yourself. You do not know what I know. If you rush in headlong, both of them will die." She hissed, staring him down with her bloody gaze. When he calmed slightly, she continued. "Without your father's sword, you will not be able to break through his barrier, Sesshomaru. The only one of us who can slip through his shield is I, as Inuyasha intended; so that if he ever turned he could be certain Naraku would not escape retribution. But I cannot kill your brother no matter how I hate Naraku. Naraku who caused the death and enslavement of Sango and her lover, who nearly caused the death of their child, who damned Inuyasha to this horrible fate and Kagome to her pain and guilt and turmoil. You have been able to still her, Sesshomaru, but do not think for a moment what weighs on her shoulders has been lessened at all. You have simply made her want to bear it again. Inuyasha saw that you were making her happy again and he was jealous. Naraku has used that against him. He's used that so Inuyasha would seek revenge on you."

"Why do you tell me this, woman?" He snarled, absorbing Kirara's words almost methodically. "If he's hurt her, I will kill him, no matter what it will mean for my brother."

"Which her, Sesshomaru? Rin or Kagome?" She asked softly and watched for his response.

"Either." He whispered, feeling his chest tighten. "I will torture him until he begs for death…"

"If he's harmed Kagome." She finished for him. She studied him and how his eyes darkened at her words. "You would die for her, kill for her, do anything for her, wouldn't you?"

"There is no doubt." He murmured, the sound of his words almost lost on the wind.

"Love is a strange thing, Sesshomaru, especially when it is true. It makes you do things that you never thought you could or would. Kagome needs Inuyasha to be alive. You know she does. You have felt that and seen that in her. If he is alive, she can let him go, but if he lives she will cling to him and her guilt until she passes from this world. If you love her as deeply as you claim, you will not kill Naraku now. You will wait until we can find a way to do so without destroying your brother. You will help me eliminate the threat to Kagome and Rin that is now posed and you will do so because if Inuyasha dies, you will never have Kagome as you wish. You may even lose the closeness you already have."

He snarled faintly as his chest twisted even more tightly. She had reached him with her words and he understood fully what she meant. Kagome was so full of guilt, if Inuyasha died, she could never release her guilt, and she would only take more onto her heart and pull further away from him and Shippo and Rin. He couldn't allow that. He wouldn't. Even if it meant sacrificing his pride. "Tell me your plan of action." He whispered to her.

Kirara felt some of the tension leave her. "We will need everyone here to help. Let us join them again. We have very little time."

She curled against her mother's swollen belly, fighting sleep with her whole self. Even her feet were twitching. She had turned seven a few days before and in only four months she would have a new baby brother or sister. Secretly she hoped for a little brother. Her mother thought she wanted a sister and she said nothing to dispel that, but she knew her father knew. He always knew everything.

"Tell me another story, Momma." She murmured, still twitching her feet. 

"Do you think you can stay awake for another story, Kagome?" Her mother's voice was so soft and so soothing. It always calmed her and made the world seem better and brighter. Her father chased the monsters from under her bed and out of her closet, but her mother could chase away her nightmares. She was afraid to sleep. Last night she had dreamed her father had died.

"Yes. Yes, please Momma."

"Which would you like to hear? We've almost gone through the whole book now."

"Can I hear 'Snow-white and Rose-red' again?" She asked with hope in her voice.

"Of course, Sweetheart… But why do you like it so much?" She asked softly as she pulled out the thick anthology of Grimm's Fairy Tales. She opened the book to a well-loved story that had the first page folded down. It was her daughter's favorite story, though she couldn't understand why. She simply guessed that it was because Kagome wanted a sister and Snow-white and Rose-red were so close and shared everything.

Kagome smiled faintly and let her fingers trace over the beautiful picture of the sisters curled up by the fire leaning against a large black bear. "Because of the bear." She said softly. "When the door tears some of his fur, Snow-white thinks she sees a flash of gold. Really she sees the magic that is inside the bear and the light of who he really is. She sees that he's a good creature and then, when he becomes the prince again once the evil dwarf dies, she recognizes him because of his voice. She remembers him and loves him even though he turns out not to be what she originally thought he was."

"She saw the truth of him and loved that truth, not what was on the outside." She said with a warm smile, studying her wise little girl. Kagome had always had wisdom and strength beyond her years. She had an old soul and a good heart. She could see the good and beauty in anything.

Kagome nodded and smiled at her mother a bit more brightly, though her eyes were tired. "Just because he looked like a beast didn't mean he was one. She might have been afraid of him at first, but when she looked deeper, she loved him and so everything that came before in the winter didn't matter. Once the snow was gone, the world was different and so they were different, but really the same."

"Winter never lasts forever, Kagome." She said softly as she prepared to read the story.

"No… It just feels like it does sometimes." The girl murmured and settled down to listen to her mother read her favorite bedtime story. She was claimed by sleep long before her mother reached the end, however her mother finished reading the story aloud. She nearly had it memorized and took some delight in reciting it. When she had finished, she stood and closed the book, settling her little girl against her pillow, smoothing her ebony hair from her pale skin.

"Goodnight, my Snow-white." She whispered and kissed her brow. "May you dream of your prince that comes in the winter and saves you in the spring."

The child slumbered with visions of evil dwarves and handsome princes cursed to live as beasts spun in her mind. The dreams shifted slowly as her sleep deepened until she found herself standing in a forest in a clearing full of snow. Across from her a figure stood clothed in white with silver hair falling down his back. She trembled and called out to him, but she could not hear his name as it came from her lips. He turned slightly so she could see the gold of his eyes. No… Not gold, amber. So very similar, but how very different in their shade. There was something warm in his eyes, something familiar and gentle and entirely protective and embracing. His eyes were alive with emotion and she could only barely see them in the way he was turned.

"Are you a prince?"

"In a manner of speaking." He replied. His voice was rich and warm and deep. Listening to him speaking was like curling into a soft, warm bed.

"When will I find you?"

"I will find you."

"But when?"

"There is no when for you, Kagome. Time has no meaning when you are out of it. Know only that I will find you after some duration and when we cross, everything will change. Until then, you must endure. Endure all and I will ensure that you will have what you need."

"But I have everything I need now."

"Now is not forever."

"What will I need forever?"

She thought she saw him smile. "Love. And hope that it will never ebb."

It is a sad fact that often we do not remember our dreams. The waking mind does not know what the sleeping mind knows, though the sleeping mind absorbs everything and remembers. When we are awake, our sleeping minds gently press us to what it knows is right. Toward what it has learned as we sleep. We call this pushing intuition or, often, instinct. The feeling that we know, that we see, that fate and destiny are guiding us to the correct end. Gold is very similar to amber. So very similar, but the shade is so very different if time is taken to look. Gold is precious but cold and soft. Amber is hard, but embracing, eternal and entirely alive. It is organic where gold is metal.

Pulled away from time and out of her home, her dreams pushed her toward the amber she had seen as a small child shortly before her nightmares came to life and her father was torn away from her. Secretly her heart sought that safe, warm hue a shade away from gold warmed by love and care for her and when she found it, she knew on a very instinctual, intuitive level that her search was over. All she had to do was endure.

There are moments that define the soul so completely in life that words fail and there is only the action and the emotion behind the action, which shapes the person. The moment Naraku slipped through the cracks of Inuyasha's control with the intent of forcing Kagome to do his bidding by holding the life of Rin hostage was one of those moments that defined the once dark and terrifying hanyou as a true and unsalvageable villain.

Her eyes fell on the girl curled and encased in a glistening purple cocoon of Naraku's power. She whimpered as he dragged his tongue along her throat and jaw. "If you even so much as raise a feather of your power, Kagome, against me or to protect the girl from me I will kill her without a second thought. I will rend her out of this world and force you to watch."

"What do you want from me?" She bit out, sobbing suddenly as he dug what should have been Inuyasha's claws into her wrists. "I can't give you anything you can't already take."

"Oh, so naïve… There's something very precious you can and will give me. The beautiful thing is, Kagome, that by giving me what I want you will also be giving me my greatest desire… To destroy my enemies utterly."

"I don't… I don't understand."

"Of course you do, pretty miko. You just have to think about it a moment." He nipped her lips and captured her gaze, watching as a slow realization crossed her features. He chuckled as she began to cry. "If I brake you completely it will destroy not only the bastard who will be watching and writhing to break free within my subconscious, but the mongrel wolf and that oh so very fearsome inuyoukai will fall along with him. They all love you so deeply it sickens me, they simply have different ways of showing it."

"Sesshomaru…"

"Don't try to argue that he doesn't love you, Kagome. I have been watching through Inuyasha's eyes as he watched his brother with you. He makes no grand gestures to you. Grand gestures are meaningless for a man who could woo his beloved with the world… No. He gives you what he knows you would appreciate more. Gentle touches. Furtive looks. Tiny gestures of his love and devotion to you and I guess you are only just beginning to decipher what they all mean… That he would gladly die for you. He would sacrifice himself as easily as he would kill an army for you…"

She sobbed softly, pressing her eyes closed. "If I fight you, my daughter is dead. If I don't fight you, those closest to me will fall… I can't…"

"Let me make the decision easier for you." He said, a sadistic ribbon of razor wire lacing every word. He focused on the girl and grasped her heart and lungs, twisting hard, but not hard enough to kill her. She began to pant and then she screamed.

Kagome's heart leapt and she cried out for Rin desperately, then looked back to Naraku who still pinned her. "Stop! Leave her alone… Leave her. I won't fight you… Please, just don't kill her. Leave my daughter alone."

Naraku laughed and met her gaze. He brushed his lips along hers as he spoke. "Ah, those beautiful instincts. You are a perfect mother, Kagome."

There are moments in life that define a soul so completely that words fail.


	7. Kagarashi

_Kagarashi (Withering Wind)_

They say that love is blind. That love knows no limits. That love endures all. Love is patient, love is kind… And all of that. What they forget to tell you is that love is pain too. Love, when it's real, hurts terribly. What they forget to tell you is that you have to be a kind of masochist to really feel love because it's an ache you long for. It's an ache you lay awake at night wishing for and praying to Kami that it will find you. It's an ache that leaves you breathless with a speeding heart and spinning head. It's an ache that, when it's gone, leaves you hollow, shaking and entirely lost. And who are 'they' anyway? I've always wondered because as much as 'they' seem to know, 'they' often leave out the most important bits of things. Maybe 'they' are sadists and want us to have to figure these things out for ourselves because the hurt we feel once we do is infinitely amusing for 'them.' But it's all right, I guess, considering I'm you're typical masochist. I'm one of those who dare to really love completely and without reservation. It's reason I'm not fighting right now. It's the reason I'm letting him rape me. It's the reason I refuse to open my eyes no matter how many times he hits me. When my eyes are closed, I can see her safe in her father's arms. When my eyes are closed, I don't see his burgundy gaze staring out from my best friend and once beloved's face with such hatred and malice it sickens me.

I hate him. I honestly and completely hate him in this moment. I realize now that, before today, I only felt disgust and anger toward Naraku. What he'd done to my friends, to Inuyasha, to me has been unspeakable, but somehow I haven't ever come to hate him. I haven't ever forgiven him, but I suppose I felt a kind of pity for whom he had been. Onigumo. The evil bandit who chose to be claimed by lesser youkai, who sacrificed his humanity because he thought he loved Kikyo. I felt pity for him because he never knew what it was to really love someone or to be loved by someone. I always thought that if he had been loved or knew how to love, he might not have been so evil or done so many evil things. But Onigumo is dead now and only Naraku, the personification of evil and the merging of hundreds of youkai, remains. And he is raping me and holding my daughter hostage so that he can do, as he will with me. And I hate him. Hate is nothing like what I felt for him before now. What I felt before tasted like bile in my mouth and a tremble through my body. Hatred has the distinct tang of my own blood mingled with an ill and nauseous feeling that runs through the whole of me.

He is not kind to me, not at all gentle as I imagined my first time would have been, but then again, he is raping me. He isn't making love to me like I imagined Inuyasha would or, in fleeting moments, when I wished Sesshomaru might if he ever found the courage to do more than fleetingly touch me when he found the smallest excuse. A large part of me wanted him to hurt me. He said he wanted to destroy me and I couldn't think of something worse than him actually trying to force me to enjoy what he did to me. Pain reminds me that it is him; while pleasure might have overshadowed every other experience I might have in the future.

What he doesn't seem to understand is that I come from a time where, sadly, many women survive such a thing every day and go on with their lives. It's a struggle, a painful, horrible quest that requires strength and will and the love of those around them, but they survive. They continue to live while most women in this era might kill themselves for such a loss of virtue and honor. Thankfully I never shared much about the dangers of my own time with Inuyasha. He might never have let me return and complete my studies if he'd known. Had he known, Naraku might also know now and might have taken a different approach to my destruction rather than beating me while he rapes me. The pain is almost overwhelming. I feel like I'm being torn in half and I can't fight him at all or Rin will be harmed or killed.

I allow myself to weep and cry out in agony. It seems to amuse him, but I'm not sure if it's only because I am in pain or if Inuyasha, trapped in his subconscious, is writhing and screaming to be let free so he can stop what is happening. So he can save me. Sweet Inuyasha… I'm torn between joy at him being alive or broken because our reunion was so damaged by who he brought along with him. I still don't know what happened between the moment he slipped into hell to close the portal and the moment I made the wish, but from what I can sense without activating my powers, Inuyasha and Naraku's youkai flesh blended and merged utterly while their human halves were destroyed. I can actually sense where Inuyasha's inuyoukai blood ends and Naraku's blood and flesh and bone built from lesser youkai begins. Parts of me is certain that if I could only reach out with my purification powers and destroy the lesser youkai, I might be able to save Inuyasha by completely regenerating his inuyoukai flesh. It's strange. For years all Inuyasha wanted was to be a full inuyoukai. He balked at the chance in favor of remaining a hanyou by my side because I told him that I wanted him to be as he was. And now… Now after everything, I might be able to give him what he always wanted in the same way that I was able to return Sesshomaru's arm to him long after he'd given up on regaining it.

I never realized how similar holy power like Miroku and mine was to youkai energies. They are basically the same energy only charged differently. Like the positive and negative ends of a battery or a magnet, the two drive each other away. Once I realized that, I also realized I could alter my own power so that it was the same type of energy as Sesshomaru's and so was able to channel my excess power into him to regenerate his arm. I never felt more close to another living being than I did in that moment. I could feel his soul and his life force and was entirely tuned to him. As I regenerated each pressure point in his hand, it was as if I was actually feeling my own arm returned to me. So much pleasure and pain mingled together. Like love, I suppose. Like how I feel when I think about him. An ache that overwhelms me with warmth and pleasure.

What will he think? What will he do when he finds out? Will he make it here to save me before Naraku kills me? Does Naraku even intend to kill me? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. All I know is that his laughter is sickening to me and all I want to do is throw him across the room with my power, but I can't. Rin. I can't stop him. I can't fight him. I can't and I won't because if I do, she'll die. I can forgive myself for letting Naraku rape me if she lives. If Sesshomaru can forgive me for submitting. If… So many ifs. They frighten me more than the dark youkai who pins me so completely before striking me again. They are uncertainty while I am exactly certain about him. How I hate him. How I wish he were dead. My hatred of him is certain, but her life… Sesshomaru's love surviving this is not certain and it terrifies me. I can't lose them both. Perhaps I could survive if Sesshomaru remained distant after this and decided he did not want me… Don't lie to yourself, Kagome. You'd die inside. You'd go on living for Rin and Shippo, but if he turned from you, a part of you would whither and die completely. You would fade and pass once your children were well and grown and you would never recover.

Is this what real, true love is? This certainty that if he turned from me that I will die… I will lose my ability to live and breathe and even want to? I never felt this way with Inuyasha. That thought hurts. Why have I held back so long, then, if I didn't love him the way I love Sesshomaru? There are so many similar aspects in my love for them. Both are unconditional, but there's a need with Sesshomaru that I never had with Inuyasha. If Inuyasha turned from me and was happy, I could be happy and go on… But with Sesshomaru… Even if he were happy when he turned away, I wouldn't be able to recover. I'm so frightened. I'm so very frightened he won't want me any more… Did he even want me at all? Logic and observation tells me he does… Or did. But my heart is so uncertain and afraid already with the prospect of being wrong that this new fear, this fear of him turning away and finding me repulsive is enough to send me into panic.

Naraku is laughing at me as I begin to gasp for breath, sobbing and writhing softly in an internal agony. It's his fault. This is his fault and I hate him. I hate myself for not being strong enough. I hate myself for giving in and hate myself more for thinking for a moment that I could have even risked Rin's life in favor of my virtue. Was this what Naraku meant by destroying me? Filling me with such doubt and pain and self-loathing that it dwarfs my hatred of him? I want him to kill me… I want to ask him to kill me… I want… I want…

I can sense him faintly, but Naraku cannot. Something is blocking him, but not from me. I can sense his energies approaching, stalking toward the youkai who presses me cruelly beneath him, who strikes me again when I still. I taste my own blood again and open my eyes, looking on him in hatred. His burgundy eyes glow with malice and he chuckles, raising his hand to strike me again. He is pulled away and off of me roughly. I curl into a tight ball, shaking as a dull ache claims me where sharp, tearing pain had been only seconds before. I hear a feral growl and feel as mokomokosama curls around me protectively, moving from where Naraku had thrown him when he had begun his assault. Then I feel a touch. A warm touch, not the scalding one of Naraku. His touch. I open my eyes again and look up into deep pools of warm amber, flooded with concern and pain and rage, but I know the rage is not for me.

I whimper as he draws me into his arms, wrapping my sleeping kimono around me again. There's too much. Too much sensation and ache and emotion and fear. There's just too much and my mind cannot handle the strain any longer. Blackness. Blackness and warmth wrapped around me, refusing to let me go. I'm not afraid of the blackness, I'm afraid of the light and returning to face those amber eyes. The eyes I fear will never want to look on me again.

They were putting her father into the ground. They had burnt him up and now they were putting him in the ground. They wouldn't let her see him. Her momma and grandpa wouldn't let her see him. They said he didn't look like himself. They said that the accident made him not look like her father and she should remember him how he was before the accident took him. She hated them for several days. Hated them when they burnt up her father. No. She didn't hate them. Not really. She was angry with them. She was hurt and angry and so very, very lost. Who would chase the monsters from her closet and out from under her bed now? Who would sing her to sleep when she woke from a nightmare? Who would take her to the park and push her high up on the swing set or lift her up so that she could fly? She so dearly loved to fly… But her father was gone now. Daddy was gone and her wings were gone with him.

And her brother… Her baby brother her momma had given birth to only a week before her daddy had died… Who was going to teach him to be a boy? Who was going to help him fly? Who would help him know how wonderful their daddy had been? Who would chase away his scary monsters? She trembled thinking about how her brother wouldn't ever hear their father singing him to sleep. His voice was so soft and warm and enveloping. His eyes were so deep and full of mischief and knowledge and wisdom. He always told her new and interesting things. Who would tell her brother? Who would tell Souta how wonderful their father was? Who?

The answer was easy to come to. She would. She would tell him and teach him and sing the songs their daddy had sung to her. She would be his wings and teach him to fly. She would tell him new things and teach him everything she knew and maybe… Maybe that would be enough. Maybe he could learn to be a boy by simply knowing what their father had been like. Maybe their grandpa could help… But it wouldn't be the same as if he was there. She'd never be as tall as her father and so Souta would never fly as high.

She'd grown up being a second mother to her little brother. The wisdom and age of her soul had helped her to age more quickly than she probably would have had her father not died. His death made the child in her fade more quickly than she would have with the sheltering protection of her daddy. She spun her brother around and helped him fly, though she never flew again until fate brought her to an ill tempered hanyou pinned to a tree and then again to a stoic taiyoukai who lost his arm to the afore mentioned hanyou.

These men… These men let her be a child again if only in indulging her love for the wind fingering through her hair while in the safety of their embrace while she looked down on the world from a higher vantage. Sesshomaru had taken her higher than Inuyasha ever could and, somehow, she had felt safer with the inuyoukai than she had at the lower altitude. These men had saved her and had never even realized they had. They'd brought the child back to life in her. They'd brought magic and delight back into her world. The only thing she feared was losing them, of never having them in her life, of suddenly having to live without them without a final look or goodbye or smile. She was afraid of being left without them and having to share how wonderful they were with others from the inadequate shadows of her memory.

The abomination that was Naraku and Inuyasha had been bound spiritually and physically by the nekoyoukai after being rendered unconscious by him only moments before. He had harmed her. Naraku had harmed her. Her body was broken, bloodied and bruised where she rested, unconscious in his arms. Rin was waking nearby as the cocoon of malevolent energy that had held her faded. Shippo was beside her, calming her as her eyes fluttered open. He could smell the stench of Naraku covering the miko in his arms.

She should have been able to fight him off of her with her power, but she had not. He could only guess why. His senses had detected the power surrounding Rin. Kagome would never have let Naraku touch her, beat her as she had unless she had been forced to submit utterly. The only logical thought was that Rin had been held hostage. Thankfully his logic won out over his rage and hurt that she hadn't fought him off of her. His heart felt torn, but he understood why she had done what she had done. She loved so easily, so deeply and was so willing to sacrifice her self for that love such a surrender was an easy task. For a moment he almost hated her and then hated himself for even thinking such a thing. She loved Rin as he loved Rin. The girl was their daughter. Of course she would sacrifice herself. Beyond any other thought, Kagome was a maternal creature and had been since he could remember. It was part of why he had become so entranced by her. That motherly instinct captured within a maiden's form coupled with the wisdom of an elderly grandmother made her timeless and almost divine in his eyes. It was one of the many reasons why he loved her so completely.

"Sesshomaru… What has happened? What did she let him do?"

"Silence, Kouga." He snarled and stood, clutching the miko to his chest as he turned to look on those who stared so intently at him and the girl in his arms. The wolf and his mate along with the monk and the slayer had hidden outside the barrier in case Naraku could not be defeated and bound by Kirara and the inuyoukai. Now, with the barrier melted away, they had approached along with Shippo who was still tending Rin. He looked to his daughter. "Are you hurt?"

She shuddered and shook her head. "I ache… Like someone… Something reached into me and twisted my heart and squeezed my lungs, but there's no real damage. Just an ache… Sesshomaru-sama, what happened to Kagome? Why isn't she awake? The last thing I remember was Inuyasha… At least I think he was Inuyasha… He was kissing her and she pushed away from him and then it all went black."

He saw the kitsune freeze and wrap an arm around Rin's waist protectively. His eyes filled with sadness as he looked on his mother. "He hurt her, Rin… Naraku hurt her through Inuyasha. Sesshomaru-sama will take care of her now…"

"But I can heal her." Came her innocent voice. The taiyoukai winced slightly, only enough that she could see the change in his expression of one of anger and concern to pain and rage. She stood shakily and walked to the miko, the woman she thought of as her mother, and reached out a hand that she placed on Kagome's arm. She focused and closed her eyes, healing the miko with care until every bruise and gash and fracture was healed. Her eyes flashed open as her senses settled on another kind of damage deep within Kagome. The chocolate of he gaze glowed pink as tears slipped down her face. "Oh, Momma, I'm sorry…" She breathed and leaned to kiss her brow. She focused and purified her mother's body utterly, dispelling any chance of conception as realization flooded her. Kagome had sacrificed herself, her honor for the safety of herself. She felt weakness overtake her and nearly collapsed before two strong arms caught her. "Shippo…"

"Shhh, Rin. I have you. You've exhausted yourself." The kitsune murmured into her ear as he gathered her into his arms. He met the taiyoukai's gaze. "I will find rooms for them and have Inuyasha incarcerated in the lower levels until we can figure out a way to deal with him."

Sesshomaru nodded before turning from the room to go to his own. He had felt his daughter purify Kagome utterly, meaning she had ensured that Naraku's seed hadn't taken hold in her. It was too soon for anything to have even taken root or begun to take root and so the purification only ensured she was spared further pain. Once in her room he called for servants to bathe her and change her into clean clothing while she was still unconscious. It was not her injuries now that held her from waking. It was the pain and fear and guilt in her mind and soul that ensured she did not wake.

He remembered the first few days she had come to live with him. She had slept through several days, barely waking to eat or relieve herself. Her heart was so broken that her only solace had been in her dreams. He'd worked for four years to ensure that her dreams were not her only sanctuary from the pain and guilt she had taken into her heart and allowed to live there. Now, it seemed, he would have to fight once again to reclaim her from the inner sanctum of her unconscious and draw her back into his world. He already knew that he could not endure a life without her beside him. He felt hollow already knowing what turmoil she must have been enduring and would continue to endure even when she woke. Nothing he could say or do would make it all go away. It would only make it easier to bear. The only thing he could really do to ensure she began to heal was to let her know she was not alone and that he loved her and would not turn from her.

His mind fluttered back to the look in her azure eyes when they had clashed with his gaze shortly before she had lost consciousness. She was so terrified and broken looking. The pure blue almost looked fractured, like fine blown glass cooled too quickly or ice breaking away during a thaw. She needed his warmth and he knew it. He would not have her broken or frozen again. The answer to both conditions was heat and warmth. Heat to recast the pure blue glass and warmth to thaw the ice completely from her soul. As he waited outside his chambers while his servants cleansed her, he began devising ways to ensure she healed. He could not endure her so broken and hurt. The physical wounds had been closed, but the emotional ones, the spiritual ones still bled and even in her slumbering state he could swear he felt them as if he had endured them himself.

Once the servants had left, he returned to her side. He wrapped his mokomokosama around her and smoothed her damp ebony waves from her brow. The servants had even taken the time to wash her hair, ensuring his scent didn't cling to any part of her for which Sesshomaru was glad. He doubted he could control his rage if she had still smelled of Naraku and his brother. Inuyasha he could have tolerated, barely, if she had wanted him and he made her happy. No, that was a lie. It did no good to lie to himself. He wanted no one's scent on her in that way but his own and it sickened and hurt him to think of another being on her again. He needed her to be with him and he realized it immediately. Part of him would die if she were not with him. He wanted her to belong to him as much as he realized he already belonged to her. It was not possession. He did not want to own her. He simply wanted the belonging, the feeling of being at home with and within her as much as she might with him.

If he had to let her go to his brother once Naraku was killed and dispelled, he would. He wanted her happiness more than he could say and would sacrifice his own if he had to in order to ensure hers. Yet he knew very well he would only live a half-life from that day on. She was more than his family, she was his whole world and the thought of not living near her, of feeling her sunshine and the cool of her shade vexed him to distraction. He was almost so distracted he missed the fluttering of her eyes and the speeding of her heart as she woke. Almost.

He watched her as she woke and noted her sudden panic even before she opened her eyes. He leaned to her and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs before pressing his brow to hers. She sobbed suddenly and gripped his upper arms with a tight, trembling grip.

"Forgive me…"

He barely heard the words through the roaring of his heart in his ears. He frowned against her brow and slipped his hands into her hair. He couldn't find the words he wanted. For the first time in his life it was not that he did not wish to speak or felt that words were not necessary, he simply could not speak. Words seemed meaningless and hopeless to convey his emotions. Sometimes words are not necessary when actions speak far louder and with greater meaning. He leaned just slightly and pressed his lips to hers. She shuddered and arched enough to return the pressure and fervent warmth of their contact, gasping as he turned his head and deepened their kiss with infinite tenderness and care. The world melted away and both forgot for a moment, a precious moment, why they were so desperately seeking each other through their kiss. They forgot the pain of less than an hour before. They forgot their longing and individual aches and focused on the pure, trembling, singular ache between them that shimmered and spun with the power of its existence. Love. They didn't have to say the word to make it real, but as suddenly as it was recognized, they knew it had to be said so that it was not mistaken.

He drew back slowly and captured her gaze with care. He traced his thumb along her lips and slowly found his voice again along with the words that had escaped him before. "You will endure this, Kagome. You will not let this destroy you. I forgive you only because you need to hear the words so you may heal, but know that I will not allow you to fade away. I cannot imagine my world as it was before you entered it and I do not wish to experience it again."

Her breath caught in her throat as hot tears slipped from her eyes and into her hair. She felt more of the ice within her melt away. Not the ice the yuki-onna had placed there, but that which life had frozen within her. She was afraid, but not of him or losing herself to him. Simply, blindingly, she was afraid of ever losing him and what it would mean for her. "You love me."

It was a statement. The blunt truth of it startled him, but he nodded and smiled faintly before responding. "I do. As you love me."

She blushed and smiled in return before she spoke. "Yes." She breathed and then was struck suddenly and hard by the reality of what had happened to her and the fate of Inuyasha. Her eyes pressed closed and she began to shake. "Oh… Oh Kami… It was all real, wasn't it?"

He shuddered and drew her flush against his chest, hollowly glad that he had removed his armor while he waited for the servants to finish with her. She clung to him and wept. He had never felt so helpless as he did in the face of her pain and brokenness. All he could do was hold her and protect her as she healed and he had no way of knowing how long that would take. He rested his lips at the crown of her dark head and laid a kiss there before speaking into her hair as she cried. "You are not alone, Miko. You have never been and never will be. I am at your side always, I promise. I love you and will not leave you. We have time and you will heal. You must heal."

"Promise I won't lose you…" She gasped, shivering suddenly. She pressed tighter to him, absorbing his warmth.

"This Sesshomaru will never part from you so long as it is his power…"

"No… I need you to promise me. I need you to say that you won't." Her voice was laced with desperation and fear.

He could only hold her tighter. "There are no certainties, Kagome… But I can promise that I will hold you to me and… In time, when you have healed… If you want me… I will give you complete certainty and share my life essence with you so that we need not fear parting even in death."

"You would… You would keep me with you forever? Even in death?"

"Yes." He breathed and smiled sadly as she looked up to meet him. For a moment, even in her brokenness, he thought he had never seen anything so beautiful as the bright and shimmering hope that lay in her eyes. "For now, though, my Kagome… You must heal and regain your strength. You will need it and I will be with you until you are able to stand on your own again. Trust that, trust me. I want nothing more than to be near you."

She nodded and reached up to trace her fingers along his markings and jaw. More tears fell suddenly and he reached up to cradle her face in his hand. "Please… Will you lay down with me? I just want you to hold me and I'm so horribly tired."

He nodded and, after removing his obi and haori, he curled with her under the covers of his bed dressed only in his hakama. She pressed herself against him and, as she began to drift off, traced the markings on his arms and chest and sides with lingering, gentle fingers. He fought the trembles that ran through him with her touch, but soon found it impossible and gave in to the soft shudders that the tracing issued from him. He noted her smile and smirked faintly as she settled against him with her head on his chest, resting over his heart.

She drifted off listening to the slow, steady thrum of his heart, calmed by his warmth and closeness to her. She fought sleep as long as she could, but finally gave in, memorizing his warmth and scent and touch so that she could take him into her dreams. Once there, the old dream prince, filled in with her newly acquired knowledge, became more alive and he, much as his real self did in the waking world, curled around her sleeping self and protected her from the nightmares that might claim her, singing her the same song his waking self did to the sleeping miko who rested so easily against him.


	8. Mizore

_Mizore (Sleet)_

How do we know ourselves? Do we memorize our hear beats and the way they ring in our ears when we panic? Do we know the sounds of our own voices and how they peak and fall with our emotions? Do we ever take the time to really listen to our own selves to know what it would be we did and not what was influenced from the outside? Can we ever really know ourselves at all? We're constantly in a state of change and self-definition. Everything that happens to us defines us in shimmering increments and we become someone else. We can't ever know who we truly are except for what is at the core of us. Who we love. Who we hate. Who we know we'd die for and kill for and live for. The last is usually the one that makes people pause. It is the hardest one to really pin down. Sacrifice comes easy to some while it doesn't to others. Who would we love enough to live for? Who would she love enough to live for? The question was foreign to her until the day she had seen the final battle with Naraku.

Blood, pain, death surrounded her. Each of his minions had been slaughtered. His half human heart had been thrust back into him with her power in exchange for the jewel he had nearly completed within him. There is a saying that is really more a belief among those who have faith. A single candle flame can dispel any darkness but there is no darkness that can is so deep it vanquishes the light completely. Kagome and her few shards remaining had been that candlelight and with one bright flare, she used that light to emblazon herself against the darkness, nearly destroying herself in the process. Who would she die for? The answer was everyone who stood in front of her, fighting for their lives. She was always behind them, though, while most saw her position as protected, she saw it differently. She always had to be strong. She always had to catch them when they fell. Being the one always behind means that you are always, constantly ignoring your own back because what is in front of you is more important. It is a place of sacrifice. It is a place Kagome knew well in the moment that she had managed to destroy the child who held Naraku's heart within him. Not even Kikyo had been able to kill him because of the innocence he possessed. Kagome knew better. Kikyo had never been possessed by one of Naraku's children. She'd never had her soul manipulated and nearly broken. Kagome had and so, as she looked at the infant in Kanna's arms, she didn't hesitate. She drew her arrow into her bow and slayed him without a second thought. Kanna had been thrown back. The body of the child destroyed, all that was left was a pulsing, glowing organ, prone on the ground. She focused her energy and drew the heart of her enemy to her, levitating it in front of her and then released her power so she felt almost entirely overwhelmed. Her whole body was on fire with spiritual power. The battlefield stilled and froze suddenly. Time stood still for her.

She could have died in that moment as she thrust the heart of Naraku toward him, burning through his barrier and plunging it into his chest where the Shikon no Tama rested. And then, so close to the jewel with her power, she grasped it and ripped it from him in one elegant movement of energies and light until the sacred, broken thing was back in her hands. She could have died in that moment when time waited. She could have perished for the very life force she'd burnt and could have faded off into peace knowing the jewel was purified, whole and out of Naraku's hands. Sango was near her. She would take it and protect it. She could be at peace. But Kagome, still, quiet and unfettered by time and space, looked into her heart and looked to the brave warriors standing before her. She loved them all. Deeply and dearly. She loved some distinctively differently than others. One in particular more passionately and she knew she would die for him. But would she live for any of them? Her eyes fell on the inuyoukai whose acid whip was falling down on the hanyou the moment the world had stilled. A small smile touched her lip as she remembered the night before as she had listened to his whispered conversation between him and Inuyasha. Her heart had broken and healed all at once. She had known then with her sleepy, heightened senses as they always were when she was half asleep and half awake, that, though she would die for Inuyasha, she knew, if Sesshomaru asked her to, she would live. At the moment, she hadn't really known what it meant. Now she did. Burning away in her own power, she understood. There were many people in front of her she would die for because sacrifice comes naturally to one who loves freely and without prejudice. There was only one among them she would live for and the only thing that separated him from the rest, that singled him out as that one, was because she knew, deep in the night, his mind was only on her survival and happiness. When he could have been thinking about tactics or any number of things that would have ensured his own endurance and life, his mind had been entirely on her and a desire that she lived.

At what point does love begin? Is it quantifiable? Can we fix it to the ground like the moment of birth or death? What triggers it, what makes it real for us? What is it connected to and could we ever really put into words what it means for us in our definition of self? It is far easier to know love is there, to know its depths, feel its warmth, know the true limits or if they really exist at all. We can't know when love begins and so, Kagome didn't notice the spark within her as she understood completely whom she would live for and that she would live, no matter what it meant she would have to endure. She didn't notice as a part of herself became fixed, defined under the pressure and encompassing embrace as that spark became more, fused with parts of herself that would only ever belong to him and became a shining, shimmering jewel deep in the murky and undefined waters of her being. The only thing she knew was that there was something certain, solid, unbreakable resting in the silted bottom of her depths she didn't have to hold onto tightly because it was most surely there within her. Time returned to itself and she crumpled to her knees, looking down at the jewel. The battle continued, but Kagome remained where she was, waiting for her heroes to defeat the villain while she remained protected behind a barrier of her own aided by the power of the Shikon no Tama.

Definition is a hard thing for one that is actually two. Inuyasha had railed against himself for nearly four years, never certain if his actions were that of Naraku or his own self. He was only certain of two moments that were only and truly his. The moment he had saved Miroku and Sango's daughter and then lain her in Kaede's arms once she had resurrected his mother as the yuki-onna and the day he had given Kirara the power she needed to become fully in control of herself and more the woman she was beneath the beast so that she could ensure he never was taken over by Naraku and harmed those he loved.

Only two moments in the span of four years. Two moments when he knew, completely, that he was himself and not being manipulated by Naraku from the depths of his unconscious mind. Two fractures of time that shimmered for him and told him that he was still himself. Somehow, entirely himself and he clung to those because he had nothing else. Nothing else as he was trapped within his unconscious mind, seeing the world through Naraku's eyes as he raped and beat the only person Inuyasha had ever been sure he would die for, live for, be himself for because she had somehow seen some beauty in him and accepted him when no one else had. She was sacrificing herself for the girl who was so tightly in the grip of Naraku. She loved the girl. The girl was her daughter as the kitsune was her son, he knew that now. Now that his vision was clear and he could see her completely. He could see everything about her completely, even the fact that she loved his brother as she had never loved him. Loved Sesshomaru because he loved her too even if they didn't realize their emotions entirely. He had watched her by his side and Inuyasha had been uncontrollably jealous, hateful, and decidedly malicious toward the inuyoukai. Now he knew that it was Naraku fueling his pang of jealousy and pain knowing he had lost her to his brother, twisting it into something he would never have felt on his own. He loved Kagome. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her happiness more than he wanted his own and, as he was shackled deep in his own mind, helpless to save her, helpless to destroy the monster that was trying to destroy them both, he knew completely that, if he ever got the chance, he'd tell her so. He'd free her as he hadn't before, as he should have all along.

Perhaps it would be enough to save him self. Not from Sesshomaru's wrath or the miko's hatred… No. To save himself from himself. What they could do to him was only a fraction of what he could do to his own soul, battering it, breaking it, shattering it until there was nothing left of him but broken pieces no longer whole enough to be called a man. And then, as if heaven sent, he felt pain explode through his mind and body as he was thrown off the girl. The dark shadowy energy of Kirara ensured neither he nor Naraku remained conscious and he knew he had never been happier for the overwhelming black. But it wasn't that there was only black. His mind held fast to the ribbon of hope he'd seen in Kagome's eyes shortly before he'd been rendered unconscious. The light that had claimed her gaze as it had on so many summer days she spent with the inuyoukai or winter nights when he had seen them take their walks through the snowy gardens… Sesshomaru was with her and Inuyasha knew that she would endure. He knew she would live. He knew she would because he wouldn't let her fade away. It is said by some that only a single candle's flame is needed to dispel even the deepest darkness, but even the blackest night cannot swallow a fracture of light. Inuyasha had never believed that until he was locked in his own mind, enduring Naraku's taunts of his own victory over the miko and Inuyasha and Sesshomaru… Over them all. How he had destroyed the girl and so destroyed their hearts… Inuyasha clung to his ribbon of light that was his knowledge Kagome would live. Kagome would be there, safe when he woke up. She wouldn't give up. His brother wouldn't let her give up and Inuyasha knew that so long as the miko lived, he would live if only to set her free.

She was at peace. Curled in the warm darkness of beyond in her lover's immortal arms, she was at peace. He had been waiting for her on the other side and had warmed away the ice and pain and need for revenge against his other son. Revenge in the name of herself and Inuyasha. Inu no Taisho did not want her to return to the world to torment Sesshomaru. He wanted her there with him in his embrace through eternity to the moment they could be reincarnated together only to find each other again.

She was at peace, and then she heard a soft call from a mortal priestess in the name of Inuyasha. She knew what he wanted. He wanted her to come and help him find his revenge against the taiyoukai. Her revenge was rekindled after two centuries of pure peace. She felt her lover tense and she turned to caress his face in the blackness, urging him to let her free. He was either too deeply in slumber to fight or simply realized she would not know true peace until she'd had her revenge on his eldest son and so he weakened his grip on her and allowed her to leave him, though she knew when she died again, she would return to his embrace and rest finally and eternally where she had ached to be from the moment he had been taken from her.

Pulled through the divine darkness that was more akin to light, she found herself drawn into the living world, her spirit settled again in the deep snow. She'd been called back through Inuyasha's blood and so, of his blood she was made blended with the icy snow of the winter. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up to see her son crouched in front of her. She smiled weakly and reached out, caressing his cheek.

"What has happened to my son? His eyes are his fathers, but his hair has become jet like his mother's." She murmured and saw him smile as he leaned into her touch.

He helped her stand and embraced her gently. "It is a long story, Mother. For now, we must retreat once I have given the old miko who helped me regain you the bartered price of her efforts."

He turned from Izayoi and called out into the forest. The masked Sango walked from the deep snowy depths with the infant girl in her arms, cooing to her gently to calm her. She laid the baby into Kaede's arms who was standing near the transformed Kirara.

"Take care of her." Sango whispered and stepped back when the old woman nodded.

"With my live I shall protect her. Tell me her name."

"Her name is Hitomi." Kirara said softly and nodded to Inuyasha and his party that was now gathering around him. "I will be shadowing you, Inuyasha, upholding my end of the promise we made. Ensure that I never need to take action against you. I will not look forward to that day and wish it never to come."

He nodded softly to his friend and watched as she drew fire and shadow around herself, drawing the elderly miko and the infant with her into the sky, flying fast to the North, though he knew the nekoyoukai would go several directions before she chose on a random, safe place for the two to live, out of his reach and the reach of her parents. Inuyasha looked down to the ground a moment, then up and turned to those who gathered behind him. His army. His means to destroy Sesshomaru utterly. He was ready to begin the path and he was unflinching. "It is time to begin."

She was at peace. Curled in the darkness of the night in her immortal lover's arms, she was at peace. Her heart had claimed him as hers with an aching knowledge that she could never and would never leave his side. She had dreamed of the final battle and the moment the world had stilled. She'd told no one of that moment. They knew it had occurred, had felt its duration, but she had never enlightened them on what had transpired in her thoughts then or she that she could have died. She would have died, had he not been there. She knew also, woken, but still at peace in his arms once the dream had faded, that if he hadn't been there at that moment, she would have chosen to die as well. She would have willed her heart to stop beating the moment Naraku had finished with her. His eyes… His beautiful eyes had captured her up again, held her again completely and eternally and she knew that she would not fade or vanish from the earth or from life because he wanted her to live. He'd asked her to stay with him and she could not deny him.

But she was so terribly afraid. Inu no Taisho had been stolen from Izayoi. What made them so special that this Sesshomaru, this man who held her so close to him, waited for her to heal with such patience and love, could not be taken from Kagome with the same ease? She felt herself tense and her breath began to quicken. Tears came to her eyes and she clung to him more tightly as she began to shake.

His arms tightened around her in response and he turned so he could find her lips in the darkness, kissing her cheeks to drink her tears, caressing her to calm her. He didn't ask why. He knew why in essence. She was afraid and shaken and lost and there wasn't much reason else that he needed to know in order to calm and sooth her. Slowly she relaxed and curled against him gently. Once her tears had stopped and the whimpers of fear ebbed, he kissed her again tenderly and lovingly. "You are safe." He whispered, caressing her form gently.

"But for how long?" She asked in a broken voice. She trembled when he tensed and slipped his hand into her hair. "You live forever, but that doesn't mean you can't die. It doesn't mean that you can't be taken away."

"I would fight hell to stay beside you."

"Your father did and Izayoi was left alone…" She murmured and felt him still. She sobbed, realizing she might have hurt him. Either his heart or his pride, she wasn't certain, but at times both were one and the same.

He gently rolled her onto her back and curled around her, resting his head against her chest, as if listening to her heartbeat. She ran her fingers through his hair even though her hands trembled. "I'm not my father, but I know why he fought to stay beside Inuyasha's mother now. Every moment is precious for you, Kagome, because you have so few and so I count them as they pass through you, wondering if I will ever see another. My father died for Izayoi in a noble sacrifice. You showed me that simply by living as you do and I always thought it would be a blessing if I fell in your name… Though I cannot place the moment that I realized such a thought. I do know now that I… Kagome, you are all I live for. I have the whole world that would bow at my feet if I were to try to force it. There is nothing that is outside of my grasp and yet I know I would sacrifice it all only to have you near me forever. My father felt the same for Izayoi, but because of his bond to my mother, he could not take her as he would have liked and so he died for her because that was the only gift he had left to give. I do not intend to die and I fully intend to keep you with me."

"Intentions… All the good intentions of the world won't stop you from dying even if you and I are bonded together as you say…"

He frowned and pushed himself up onto his fore arms. He looked at her shadowed face in the dark and leaned to kiss her deeply, trying to dispel the worry in her voice. She sighed and trembled softly, resting her hands on his upper arms near the crest of his shoulders. Slowly he drew back and pressed his brow to hers so that he was connected to her as much as he dared when he finally could speak. "I cannot control the world's will. I can bend it, but not control it. I cannot promise something will not take me from you." He breathed, feeling her heart speed against his chest and her hands grip his shoulders more desperately. "But I can promise I will not leave you even in death. I will wait for you on the other side until you come to me and I will hold us together until we can be born again and then I will seek you out and claim you again. Inuyoukai do not love lightly, Kagome. When they love, they love singularly and eternally and I will not give you up to time or death or the next lifetime. My soul will find your soul from this life into every other that comes to pass. That is not intention. That is purpose. However, sweet miko, I will ensure that I do whatever is necessary to make my intentions always the desired goal. You only need to know if, by some chance or turn of fate, I am taken from you into death, that it is not permanent and as I have asked you to endure before, I ask you always endure and live as if I were alive as well as you can until you are called to me by fate from life."

She began to cry again, but now he could feel her smiling as she arched and met his lips in a reverent kiss. He wrapped around her and held her close to him, his heart speeding and his chest twisting in an aching, painful bliss. So little to make her happy. So little to spark her devotion anew. But to her it was not a little matter that rested in his words. It was the whole world and he knew he would live for those moments when her heart leapt and he was the cause of her elation. She pressed to him and kissed his chest over his heart fervently. "Why wouldn't you wish me to speed to you if you leave me? Wouldn't you be lonely?"

He chuckled and ran a hand through her ebony locks. "Terribly lonely… But Kagome, I would rather know you lived, endured, had some happiness if it meant I had to wait for you to come to me than watch you whither and fade until you willed yourself into death. That you live is beautiful to me. It would mean I had not died in vain."

"How can you be so perfect?"

"This Sesshomaru is not perfect… Has never been perfect. I have made mistakes in my long life and will make more, for it is the nature of those who live that they make mistakes…"

"I know that." She murmured and reached up to caress his jaw. "I mean… Sesshomaru, I know what an evil bastard you can be. I know how heartless and cold… You nearly killed me twice."

He chuckled and nipped her fingers. "Some part of me hoped you had forgotten that."

"I never want to forget."

"Why? It was not the most shining moment in our relationship."

She smiled, though he could not see it as she propped her self up on an elbow, holding his hand that had captured his as she traced his features. He heard the smile, though, as she spoke. "Because they weren't the best moments. Because I find that I love you even though they're there… I love you because they're there. Because if they weren't there, I might see you as perfect. Truly perfect and not just perfect for me. For four years, you've been everything to me. You are the reason I didn't fade away. You're the reason I'm still breathing… And those moments, those horrible, beautiful moments make me understand, help me know that you are really a man and not a god. I can touch a man. I can be held in his arms and I can love him so deeply that I ache… It's why I'm so afraid that I'll lose you. Because I know you're a man and infinitely finite if death and fate conspired against you. Please, Love…" She whispered, feeling him tremble against her as he tightened his grip on her hand. "I want to be made yours. Now."

He trembled again and sat up, drawing her against him until they were flush in each other's arms. Her legs were wrapped around him and her arms clung about him, clutching his back. "I can't… You are so broken and hurt and I don't want you to fear me… I could bond with you, but it would only be that our lives were one, not us. You are not ready to be mine entirely. Not yet."

"But I can still feel him…" She sobbed and clung to him, feeling him tense and growl lowly. "I don't want to feel him any more. I can't… I can't make it go away completely no matter how close I am to you."

"I won't hurt you. This would hurt you and me." He breathed and gently gripped her neck, drawing her back so that he could look at her in the slowly dawning light that surrounded them. "To take you, to make you mine, to bond to you should not be an act of desperation. Such an act is beautiful and sacred and eternal. Broken, as you are, as we both are, if we made such a pact now, the pain we feel would only taint our eternity with what he has done. Please, Love, my Kagome, don't ask me again because I do not have the strength to say no again. Give us time. Let us heal so that the beauty between us will be pure and untainted. Please… Please…"

She whimpered and nodded, returning to his embrace, clinging to him. She focused her mind and heart entirely on him and not the shadows of pain and invasion that remained over her like a thin film on clean skin. Some of the memory ebbed as he laid them back to curl again and rest. She looked up and let herself be captured by his amber gaze again. He stilled her, saved her with his gentle, tender, loving look. He was so warm. So very warm and bright. The jewel within her shimmered and warmed within her as his light fractured through its facets. More ice melted, broke and crumbled into a liquid form, churning within her softly. She kissed him tenderly before resting against him completely. Her fears abated for the moment, her soul stilled and the memories faded for at least a brief span, she slipped back into sleep while he watched over her.

He smiled faintly, sadly at her broken state. He would wait for her forever, he knew. Love her forever, unquestionable. She was everything to him and now she knew. Now she could never doubt, never fear, never waiver and her devotion was sure. He leaned his head and rested his lips on the crown of her head, whispering into her hair. "Forever. I will wait forever."


	9. Koori

_ Koori (Ice) _

She woke up screaming. Her dreams were full of fiery houses and thick ice covering her mother and wolves… There were always wolves. Her door opened and a tall, gangly, rusty haired kitsune rushed into her room and took her by the shoulders, shaking her softly as she pulled the rest of the way out of her nightmares. She grasped his shoulders, her eyes losing the glazed expression that came with waking dreams and took in the face of her playmate and best friend. "Shippo?"

"You were dreaming, Rin…"

"Where's Father?" She never called him that. Not when she was fully awake. Only when she was coming out of a troubled sleep or particularly horrible nightmare did she ever call Sesshomaru such an informal and paternal title. He might have let her if she'd asked, but it seemed strange coming off of her tongue in the same way that calling Kagome by the title Mother felt odd when she was going through her normal day. There were only certain moments when the title was correct for them and so it was only during those times of distress that she uttered the words Father or Mother even though they were perfectly apt for the places they held in her heart and life.

"He's with Momma… With Kagome. It's near dawn, Rin. They're probably asleep or he's afraid to leave her."

"No… No, he shouldn't leave her." She breathed and let herself crumple against Shippo. For four years they had been raised along side each other, not as siblings but as companions to each other in the way Kohaku had been her companion before he had died so terribly. Shippo, though, she knew couldn't be killed so easily. He was too strong and ingenious for that.

He ran a clawed hand through her hair and held her as she calmed down in his embrace. "What was the dream?" He asked. He always asked, though he always knew. It was some variation on the horrors she'd lived, but he always gave her the chance to speak the dreams so she had someone to listen to her.

She took a deep breath before beginning. There would be tears. There were always tears. But they washed away the bitterness and helped her move on. "It began like they all begin… I'm coming home from picking flowers and I stop on the edge of the clearing where my family's house was. The bandits are leaving. They set fire to the house as they run away with all of the valuables. I hear my mother crying. The door to the house is barred and I can't get it open. I hear her screaming and then pleading for me to run to the village. But this time… This time when I get back with the men from the village, the house is encased in ice. The ice shatters at the door and it swings open. I go inside and I see her there… On the floor and dead, but she's frozen… And then she changes. It isn't my mother, not… Not the one who bore me, it's Kagome. She looks so broken… Broken like she did in Father's arms. She is half alive. She whispers for me to run and so I run and then I feel them behind me. The wolves. With him… Kouga is with them this time and they capture he and me… He rips my throat out and says that Sesshomaru-sama won't save me this time… And then I woke."

By the time she finished, every other word was interrupted by a sob or broken cry. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her brow, rocking her in his arms. "They're only dreams."

"But he's here! Kouga's here!" She whimpered in protest, pressing her face into his shoulder.

"But I won't let him hurt you, Rin. Sesshomaru-sama is with Momma. He's looking after her and it's my job to watch you. I won't let Kouga touch you, I promise." He lowered his head and whispered near her ear. "The wolves won't take you from me, I promise, Rin."

"She'll be alright, won't she? Someday she'll be alright?"

She meant their mother… Kagome. "She's strong, Rin. Stronger than people ever give her credit for. And if she did fail, he won't let her go. He walked through hell to bring you back and you know he'd do the same for her. He loves her. We both know he loves her even if he'll never say it… But maybe he will now. When faced with losing the only thing we know we can't live without, we find things like pride don't matter a whole hell of a lot."

"He loves her." She echoed and felt some of her fear ebb. "We are a family and he loves her and… He won't let her fade away, not even a little…"

"And Momma loves him, Rin."

Her eyes widened slightly. "Do you… How can you know that?"

He smiled a sad smile and looked down to meet her eyes. They were such a warm, earthen color. Like the fertile silt of a riverbed and shore. "Little things. Things most people don't look for as signs of love because they're so subtle. Like the way she always makes sure to be near him or within his reach should he decide to touch her or how she listens to him, really listens like she won't for other people, and accepts his reasons. She watches him so closely sometimes and… And she does what he asks of her. She never questions his reasons, she just… She does what he asks of her. It's subtle, little things that make her shimmer when she's around him and… And I doubt she has ever realized that she does love him, or if she has, she's been to weighted down with guilt that she refused to allow herself the possibility that he would love her in return."

"The wish…" She breathed and shuddered, pressing her eyes tightly closed before clinging to the kitsune. "She blames herself because of the wish."

He nodded faintly. "I don't know what it was… How she worded it, but…"

"She said 'I wish Inuyasha would return from hell for me.'" She murmured and looked up to Shippo's astonished gaze. "I had a vision shortly after the two of you left to pursue Izayoi. It wasn't that it was a bad or wrong wish… It brought him back; he only didn't come for her until now. But she always thought it was her fault. The deaths of Miroku and Sango too… She blamed herself because she thought that if she'd only worded the wish a little differently…"

"Everything might have been different." The kitsune scowled faintly. His mind fell back on the conversation with Kirara before she and Sesshomaru had penetrated Naraku's barrier. "They're alive, though. And their daughter. If we can free Inuyasha, we can free them from him and it would be like a new start… And she could be free of her guilt. If she hadn't made that wish, Rin, Inuyasha never would have been in control of his body. He never could have saved his friends from an ultimate death and their daughter would have been lost."

"If is a very dangerous word." She murmured and frowned softly. "Because, if we can't save Inuyasha… They'll all die and it will only compound her guilt. All I know is… She's been coming back to life, Shippo. Slowly, but she has. It's like her heart is mending and… This can't destroy her, it can't."

"Then we'll have to hope that we can save him. And have faith in Sesshomaru-sama that he can keep her with us if all fails."

"I have faith in Father, but… I don't know if I can hope that much. It's such a large if, Shippo."

"Then let me hope for you, Rin, and you have faith for me. With us working together, maybe Kami will be kind and it will work out."

She smiled a small smile and looked up to meet his vibrant green eyes. "How can you do that? Be so sure when everything seems so lost?"

He chuckled slightly and hugged her tightly. "Lost is for people who don't understand that there's always a true north. And I always know where mine is."

"And where does yours point?"

He smirked and wove his fingers with hers, holding one of her hands tightly. "It is always in the direction my heart leads."

She watched him sleeping. She studied the steady rise and fall of his chest where his armor and haori had been removed. He was only in his hakama and was chained around his wrists and ankles and throat with bindings that rendered him weak and powerless as a mortal man, whenever he woke, that was. She wasn't certain whom she would meet when his eyes opened. Inuyasha or Naraku. She dreaded both. If it were Naraku, she would have to listen to his poison until Kagome was strong enough for her and Sesshomaru to emerge from his chambers. If it was Inuyasha… Inuyasha would be broken in ways she could only imagine and preferred not to think about.

She had always cared for the hanyou, always respected him not so much for his strength of body or prowess, but for his strength of heart. He had endured much in his relatively short life caught between two worlds. Love had created him. Infinite, legendary love that had even caught her attention, which was not an easy feat for anyone. She was a nekoyoukai and with that statement came a few very certain truths. She could never be tamed by anyone, not even her mates. There had been many over her long life and none of them she had never showed devotion to nor held any claim over as they had never to her. Her kind rarely bonded. Those that did usually made the choice because they had fallen in love with one of their human companions or with another youkai not of their kind who did bond to them and they, in typical cat fashion, chose to allow them to believe that there was indeed ownership held over them. Love, as most humans and youkai knew it, was foreign to her kind and would always be somewhat of a mystery. Devotion and connection was irrational to a creature such as she. Kirara was, above all things, a solitary entity capable of surviving on her own without companionship or ties. She chose to stand beside others and live with them. So she told herself again and again as she walked beside her mortal companions. Even as she shadowed and attended Inuyasha once they had made their pact. She told herself these things, and she knew they were lies.

Truth is singular to each individual case and, though Kirara had not begun her life loving and being devoted to others whom she chose to remain beside, time had changed her even though she denied it. She had long ago accepted that she could be devoted, for she had devoted herself to Sango and Kohaku and even earlier to Midoriko. Now she had devoted herself to Inuyasha. She knew that she no longer craved her solitude. In her shadowing of Inuyasha, she would often call attention to herself so that she could sit with the once brash hanyou and listen to the pregnant silence between them. He had become stoic and silent like his brother, speaking only when he had to. When he did speak, it was not with his normal callous speech, it was with the calm eloquence of the other who lived within him, granting him a kind of poise that made it all too apparent that Inuyasha was not himself. For four years, she had followed him, watched him, learned every nuance of this new version of the mixed blooded warrior and she knew completely that she had begun to understand the shimmer that was called love. In her new, less bestial form, emotions she had not been capable of grasping because of her separation from those who were and appeared human surfaced more acutely and purely. They were not obscured by the haze of her survival instincts nor the ardent pull of the wild away from others to reclaim her solitude. She remembered now why she had always strayed away from the transformation and acceptance of power so she could take on a more human form. Though it was a power greater than the one she had known, it yielded to certain weaknesses.

Currently the name of that weakness was Inuyasha. Her mind slipped back to the moments before she and Sesshomaru had slipped through Naraku's barrier to save Kagome and Inuyasha. She smiled faintly at the memory of the look on the taiyoukai's face as her order was obeyed and identities were revealed as well as the strange sparkle in Shippo's eyes at the realization that the monk and slayer were still in the world along with their daughter. She had revealed all to them, much to the duress of those spiritually bound to Inuyasha, as she was not. And then the question had been asked.

"You hold within your power the ability to slip through the barrier and render he who is both my brother and Naraku helpless? Why then do you need my assistance?" His eyes had bled crimson a few times as Kirara had recounted the important occurrences that had transpired in the past four years so that they could understand exactly what had happened and that Inuyasha had never truly been himself, that he was being manipulated by the dark hanyou, Naraku.

"Simply put, once within I need someone to ensure that I have the upper hand. I could sneak upon him and end him, but in order to effectively render him unconscious, I need the assistance of one as strong as he in order to ensure he does not harm either Kagome or Rin in the process. There will be an instant… A blinding second in which he could strike. If he takes that moment, one or both of them could be harmed or killed and I will not risk that instant alone. There must be two, Sesshomaru, for when I lower my disguise over us in order to use my power, I cannot ensure I will be fast enough or strong enough to stop him… And I know you will be."

She waited for the inuyoukai's response. Her breath burnt in her lungs as she held back the air in anticipation. When he had nodded, she slowly hissed out what had been kept within. Tension left her shoulders and she nodded in return. "Then we must hurry. I can only guess what torture Naraku must be subjecting Kagome to."

She had prepared herself for anything. She had steeled herself for any bloody scene that they might have come upon. The possibility which had been reality had passed through her mind with a painful brevity, however she could never have truly been prepared for the scene she came upon. The girl, the woman Kagome, pinned with a look of agony traced onto her features with hateful, thick lines, being raped so brutally by the villain who lay within the body of her beloved friend. She had not been prepared and she had found herself shaken as she saw the hurt that threaded through Sesshomaru's features. Not hurt that she had betrayed him. No. Hurt that she had been forced to endure such a fate and that he had been unable to protect her from it. The look in his eyes sent waves of agony through her in ways she could never steeled herself against, for she realized that as much as Kagome was being violated, the fearsome taiyoukai of the West was being forced to his knees, for there was no other place he could go.

Naraku had done his worst. Kirara knew that, with time and love, Kagome would heal and endure and live. She had the chance to regain all she had believed she had lost and had heaped mountains of guilt onto her soul for her inability to protect those she loved and the nekoyoukai knew the miko would take it and the inuyoukai would sustain her as she did so. However, the true damage had been done. Kirara had seen the greatest, most powerful and skillful warrior and general fall in the face of the miko's brokenness. She had watched as her friends and beloved children had learned the true depths of the miko's love and ability to sacrifice her self with painful clarity. As she watched the golden, blood flecked eyes of the once hanyou, Inuyasha, flutter open, she knew she would witness another kind of fall and she ached once more for her silent, feral state, for she knew she would break with him when he shattered.

"I thought… I ordered you to kill me." He whispered hoarsely with an accusing glare directed at the beautiful crimson-eyed youkai who sat in the shadows watching him. "I deserve to be dead."

"We do not chose what we deserve, Inuyasha." She replied with a skillfully smoothed voice. "That is the decision of those closest to us."

"I raped her."

She winced and scowled. Her eyes fell onto her clawed hands and she sighed, shaking her head. "Naraku raped her. You lost control."

"It means the same thing."

"It does not mean the same thing."

"I was weak, Kirara." He snarled and sat up, his eyes still focused on her entirely.

"We are all weak when we are faced with those we love and the loss of them." She breathed, smiling a bitter smile. She looked up and met his gaze finally, feeling a fracture form within herself at his hopeless, broken features. "You were desperate to keep her, desperate to reclaim her."

"She… She was the only reason I didn't give up." He whispered and shook suddenly. He tore his fingers through his hair. "I would have killed us long ago if it weren't for her. She always believed in me… She always loved me and I took her for granted. And then when I saw her finally finding some happiness, I decided to rip it away from her because I wasn't the one giving it to her…"

"That wasn't you…"

"It was me. At the heart of it. Naraku could only control me when I was weak or my intentions weren't pure and completely born of love. I did this as much as him because I was weak and I didn't have the will to fight him." His smile became cold and dark. "I will free her from me and then I'll ask my brother to kill us. To end this. Once we find a way to free Miroku and Sango and Ayame and Kouga… Well, perhaps not Kouga. I would take some pleasure knowing he was brought into hell with us if only that Kagome would not be bothered with him again."

"Inuyasha, stop this now…"

"Why? To ease your conscience for not killing me when it was the only order I have ever given you? You could have protected her by ending me! Why did you not end me, Kirara? Why did you let me… Let him hurt her?"

"Do you want the truth or a lie? Or shall I tell you everything to confound you? Shall I tell you how I could not stand the thought of my beloved Sango and her mate being ripped from this world again, leaving their daughter an orphan? Shall I tell you that the death of you along with your minions would kill Kagome more surely than Naraku raping her ever could? Or shall I simply say that I don't think you deserve to die for his sins? There have been enough martyrs in this war with Naraku, Inuyasha. If I had killed you in enough time to save her virtue, he would have been ended, surely, but there would be no victor in the war. The loss of life would make the final outcome entirely mute. And then there is the other matter… That I did not want you to be taken so quickly."

"You thought through all of those reasons only to ensure that the last became valid." He ground out, snarling. "I don't love you. I never will."

She smiled a pained smile and shook her head as she stood to leave the chamber. "I've never asked you to love me, Inuyasha. I never will ask you to love me. You, however, cannot order me to sever my feelings for you. You cannot force me to forget. I refuse to forget who you were and are and I will not allow you to forget, either. You are still the man who walked into hell to save us. You are still the man who chose to save a child that would have been claimed by darkness had you not sheltered and nurtured it in the last fragment of light within your soul and that light did not come from your love for Kagome or her belief in you. That came from your belief in yourself. It is said… That the blackest darkness can be slain with the faintest fracture of light. Lights are only sustained through a source. Against the blackness of evil, our only source of light is our faith that we are doing what is right and that in the end everything will work out. In case you have forgotten who you are, Inuyasha, let me remind you of this one important fact. I do not believe you deserve death or hatred and, if you would let yourself release your desire for Naraku's end, you will find that you do not believe so either."

"You're speaking nonsense."

"I'm speaking what you do not want to hear and it terrifies you because it means when all of this is over you will have to go on living and you do not believe that you are strong enough. You are strong enough. You are one of the strongest men I have ever known and I will never sway on that fact. The only man I have known stronger than you was your father and you are most certainly his son." She smiled at the barely veiled shock in his gaze. "Yes. I knew him. Well enough to know that his true strength was not held within his blades but within his heart, within his ability to love and believe in the power of the light. You are very much like him, Inuyasha, and I know he would be proud of you even now… Know this, though, Inuyasha. Never is a very powerful word. Those who do not use it wisely are destined to learn how sadistic fate really is. I've been on this earth much longer than you have. Once your father said he would never condescend to love a mortal woman. He said that he would never sire a hanyou nor betray his mate, Satori. And then Izayoi came into his life and heart and he learned how truly twisted the divine can be when teaching us to be humble. You are strong, Inuyasha, but strength does not mean you have power over the divine. Strength only means you can endure when Kami decides to turn your world upside down."

"She…" His voice broke and he closed his eyes as a few shimmering lines of water traced across his jagged lavender markings. "She is with him, isn't she? He's taking care of her?" There was hope as well as pain in his words.

Kirara trembled as she felt the fracture branch in several directions creating a spider's web of broken parts throughout her soul. She knelt and brushed away one of the lines of tears from his cheeks. "Yes, Inuyasha. Sesshomaru is looking after her."

The smile that spread across his lips was malevolent and enough to force her to draw several steps away from the youkai who had been Inuyasha. He chuckled and opened his bloody gaze flecked with precious gold. "Now, now Kitten. Don't pull away! Such tenderness to such a broken boy is a kindness I know you rarely might betray to this weakened pup!"

She snarled and wrapped her arms around herself as if to shield her heart from him. "Go back to your hole, Naraku. Release Inuyasha."

"Oh no… You see, I'm letting him replay his precious Kagome's rape a few more times before that happens. His screams are quite beautiful from within our psyche. I really wish you could hear them."

"Why?"

"Do you want a lie or the truth?" He asked wickedly. "Or shall I just give you the whole part so you may understand? You may find a way to destroy me, but I will take Inuyasha. I will destroy him before I am through and when I am gone, if he survives, I will ensure that he will end himself for the guilt he holds within him. If I break him, I will break her and you and through the two of you, all of them. One way or another, I will win this war."

She winced and sat back onto the cot she had been perched upon while she had awaited Inuyasha's awakening. "I will not leave his side. You do not frighten me. You have never frightened me."

"Oh, Kirara… Companion to heroes, youkai and human alike, enduring nekoyoukai who saw the first mortals step onto this land… I will come to frighten you in time. I have faith in myself and Inuyasha… He hasn't enough light to endure the darkness I have placed him in. You see, you might believe in him, but he does not in himself and that is what makes the difference, my dear Kirara." He chuckled darkly as a tear trailed down her cheek. "How beautiful. Pain suits her so well, Inuyasha. Let me show you how your two girls cry…" Deep within, the hanyou screamed.


	10. Kan No Uchi

_ I Kan No Uchi (The Cold Time) /I _

The mind is a dangerous realm. Even for its owner. There are no temporal markers within one's mind. Time has no meaning and so a moment, an instant in the waking world is an eternity in dreaming. Caught within dreams, so deeply the dreamer does not know they are dreaming, is the most dangerous place to be for reality shifts and turns with an uncompromising force within one's subconscious. Alone within the maelstrom of thought unbidden and reality unchecked, is it really any wonder that we cannot remember more than a small fraction of what it is we dream about?

"I want to tell you a story, Inuyasha."

"What is it about?"

"About a young boy and a young girl very much in love."

"Ewe! I hate mushy stuff!"

"Now, none of that or else there will be no story at all, young man."

"Awe! I want a good story!"

"This is a good story. It's about the young girl and young boy and how they fall in love. You see, the young boy grows up with the young girl and they become heroes defeating foul villains and real monsters!"

"Oh, I think I might like this story."

"I'm sure you will, Inuyasha. Now sit your little self still and listen."

"Alright… What about him? Will he listen?"

Crimson eyes look upward from the small human boy clad in red to the chained inuyoukai male whose amber gaze was boring into their target. Naraku smiled at his constant companion. "Oh, he will listen. He has no choice, Inuyasha. Now, shall we begin?"

"Oh, yes please!"

"Alright. Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Inuyasha."

"Hey! That's my name!"

"Please do not interrupt or there will be no story."

"Oh, alright. I promise."

"Good… Now, once upon a time, there was a young boy named Inuyasha. He was a very different boy who grew up with no parents to love him. They both had died when he was very young and his brother hated him and would not take him into his home."

The boy raised his hand permissively and Naraku nodded. "Did they die like my daddy and mommy?"

"Yes, they did Inuyasha. This is a story about you as you grow up."

"Oh."

"Now, where was I? Oh, yes. When the boy was old enough to hold a sword, but still not old enough to understand all the different forms of love, he met a young priestess named Kikyo. How he loved the priestess, but it was a young love. A foolish, selfish love, but it was the only love he knew and Kikyo had accepted him, so his love only deepened and grew. One day, a great villain came and deceived both Kikyo and Inuyasha, making them hate each other. Enough for the priestess to attempt to kill Inuyasha, but she failed. She failed because she was weakened by her love for him and so only froze the boy in time. And then she died and the villain was happy. He would walk by Inuyasha's resting place every full moon and look upon him with a happy smile because he had conquered love.

Then, one day far in the future, another girl came upon Inuyasha. She was as beautiful as Kikyo, however her heart was more pure and gentle than the priestess could have ever hoped to be. Her name was Kagome and she was able to free Inuyasha from being stilled in time. The villain hated Kagome even more than he had hated Inuyasha and Kikyo for their love because Kagome, unlike the boy and the priestess, understood the many different forms that love could take. She understood them and was very wise because of her understanding. The villain then dedicated himself to destroying Inuyasha and Kagome utterly. He wanted to poison their hearts and bring them ultimate pain. He failed again and again not because he was weak, but because the girl and boy discovered they loved each other deeply and forever. Still, the boy did not understand all the forms of love and yet, the girl still did. She never doubted her love for the boy and so, as he walked into hell for her, to save her, she knew that even if he returned and did not want her as she wanted him, she would be happy if he could find happiness…" He raised a brow, noting the shimmering trails on the boy's cheeks. "There, there, why are there tears?"

"Why couldn't he love her back that way?"

"Because he didn't believe that kind of love existed, Inuyasha. He didn't understand that it could be so powerful and enduring. But even after he had returned from hell, returned for her, he did not understand the love she held for him. He didn't understand it until it was too late and his own weakness, his impure love for her, caused him to harm her irreparably. He broke her. He destroyed her. Not because he was the one who damaged her, but because he was too weak to fight back the villain who had taken up residence in his soul."

"Shut. Up." He said through gritted teeth as he lowered his eyes.

"Have you something to say, or are you going to go back to your morose pouting? I am telling the boy a happy story…"

"He's not real. You conjured him. Anything that was human in me is dead."

"Oh, perhaps physically… But your heart… Your emotions will always be laced with your once humanity, Inuyasha. I should know for I still hold love for Kikyo…"

"You don't know what love is."

"Perhaps. But I know I still have my human emotions for her. My weakness for her. The only difference is that I do not let my weakness rule me. I understand what they are and I do not allow them to overtake me as you do, Inuyasha. That weakness will always allow me to overwhelm you, overtake you… And in the end, it will allow me to destroy you." He chuckled as the inuyoukai raised his gaze and met gold for crimson. His eyes were full of pain and rage and it delighted Naraku. "Soon you will break, you know. Soon I will widen that crack in your heart and split you and through you I will end Kagome and through her, Kikyo. My revenge will be complete and you have no control over that outcome."

"I'm stronger than that, Naraku." He snarled faintly and watched as the human boy faded away before him. "She'll survive and I'll set her free to be with my brother. We'll find a way to sever the connections between me and Miroku and Sango, Kouga and Ayame and they'll have their lives back. You can't break me."

His eyes flashed like rubies in the sun and he began to laugh cruelly. "Oh, Inuyasha… Really? Even if all of that happens, do you honestly think she'll ever forgive you for your weakness?" He stood and stalked toward the chained inuyoukai with sadistic intent glinting in his gaze. "You let me out. You let me rape her. Violate her. Beat her. Spill us into her like she were some common whore and you think she'll forgive you for that?"

Inuyasha smiled and felt hot rivers slip down his cheeks. He met Naraku's gaze and saw the dark youkai flinch. It brought him some fragment of pleasure. "No. I don't. I couldn't ever ask her to. Do you really think I want her to? I want her to survive, Naraku. I want her to live and be happy. I don't care who that's with as long as she's happy." Naraku stepped back, his eyes bulging as the chains that held Inuyasha released and clattered to the ground, slithering toward him, to bind him. The inuyoukai stood slowly and smirked, touching the tears on his cheeks. "You shouldn't have told me that story, you know? I'm not as dense as my brother and you like to believe. I'm terribly good at listening when people think I'm oblivious."

"How did you… How could you free yourself? You're still overwrought!" He gasped as the chains locked around his wrists, dragging him to the ground, holding him with more strength than he had ever been bound within the inuyoukai's mind.

Inuyasha crouched beside him and smiled wickedly, though his tears did not ebb. "I am overwrought. With guilt and rage and self hatred… But that wasn't ever your door out, Naraku. You said it yourself. My weakness… My childish, selfish love for Kagome was and I just realized something thanks to your little bedtime story…" He stood and turned to walk toward the fissure of light, the way into his conscious mind. He turned back once he had reached it but had not stepped through. "I understand now what it is to love someone completely… I love her, Naraku, but that isn't a weakness now. I love her enough to simply want her to live and be happy… Even if it isn't with me."

"She will hate you! She'll never look on you again!" He cried out, panic stricken, realizing suddenly he'd be left in the dark, entirely prone and vulnerable to the whims of his own demons of the past.

He turned away and walked into the light. "This isn't about me."

The light closed off and Naraku was left in the dark. Alone.

------

She opened her eyes slowly and found herself exactly where she had been when she had fallen asleep. Her head was resting on his thigh where he sat by the sliding door of his balcony. She was resting on pillows, covered by a thick quilt. His clawed hand was still slipping through her ebony tresses in a calming, tender motion.

"Is there any word?"

He looked down to see her lying on her back so she could meet his gaze as they spoke. They had been secluded for a full day. Little had been spoken of the world outside the room. Since their last conversation at dawn, very few words had been said except through the silent understanding of touches and furtive looks. "An hour ago, while you slept, a servant brought word that he had woken, however Naraku soon took control and Inuyasha was again lost within their mind. There has been no further word."

"I need to see him…"

"Kagome, there are others you should see first." He said softly, helping her sit up and then stand.

She turned a quizzical gaze onto him and a crooked smile. "Oh? Rin and Shippo are probably worried, you're right."

"There are also others… Kagome, you should be sitting for what I am about to tell you."

She didn't question his reasoning. His tone was enough for her to acquiesce. He knelt in front of her, taking one of her small hands in both of his. "Tell me… Your silence frightens me right now."

He sighed and looked up, meeting her azure eyes. "Inuyasha had Kirara with him. He imbued her with the power to kill him or neutralize him if Naraku ever took control. She is in human form… With him now. Watching him." He continued once he was certain that she was calm again. She had said nothing, only shivered and looked horrifically guilty and afraid. He would ask her later why. "Also… Using Naraku's power, he resurrected Sango and Miroku. Miroku's kazana has been, since the beginning, a portal into the endless space that was Naraku's hanyou form, feeding him power. Inuyasha then ordered Miroku to use his now controlled kazana to imprison Kouga and Ayame. They four are here as well and are waiting to see you."

She began to shake. She reached out and held to him to steady herself. He sat beside her and held her until she could calm, combing his fingers through her hair, caressing her back and sides. After some time, she found she could speak again. "They're alive."

"Yes… And Inuyasha, it seems, also saved their child. Her name is Hitomi and once we have found a way to end this, Kirara will go and bring her back along with the elder miko, Kaede who has been raising her." Her tears began to soak through the silk of his haori and he drew her into his lap entirely. He kissed her brow and then her lips reverently. "You see? Not all is lost. There is hope, Kagome."

"I'm too afraid to hope for more than what I have now." She whispered and clung to him, suddenly needing the strength of his embrace. He indulged her silent request and tightened his arms around her, kissing her shoulder and neck.

Slowly, he released her as she pulled back to meet his eyes. "Shall I take you to them?"

"Yes." She breathed, tracing his jaw with trembling fingertips. "But not until I see him. I need to face him, Sesshomaru, no matter who will be waiting for me when I enter the room. I need to see him first."

He nodded after a few reluctant moments. "I will take you there."

"Thank you." She whispered and stood to wash up and dress to face she knew not who that wore the face of her dearest, beloved friend.

------

He couldn't open his eyes. Not because he lacked the ability but because he knew that she was still there… That Kirara was still there watching him and he could still smell her freshly fallen tears. They were still falling and he could not bring himself to watch the hurt he'd caused her as well as everyone else… He knew that would break him more surely than anything Naraku had done to him in his subconscious.

The door to his cell opened slowly. He could smell his brother and, faintly, behind the Lord's scent, the beginning of Kagome. Still, he could not bring himself to open his eyes.

"You had said he had woken, Kirara."

"He had and then Naraku took his place, then, about an hour ago, he fell into unconsciousness again. I can only guess that he was trying to break Inuyasha and needed his full attention within their mind."

"Naraku was in control, then?" Kagome's voice. She'd been crying before. The tears were gone, washed away, but her voice still sounded laden with salt water.

"Yes… Kagome, should you be here?"

There was movement. The nekoyoukai and miko's scents mingled, perhaps because they had embraced. "I need to see him… No matter who opens their eyes to greet me."

"He's awake…" His brother said. "He simply will not open his eyes."

There was silence for a span and then she spoke. He felt some part of him shatter for the pain he heard woven into her words. "My mother warned me when I was a little girl not to stand under sills laced with icicles… She said they might fall when I least expected them to. Sound can do it… Movement, the wind… The lightest touch of a leaf. They are fragile, but they are so horribly deadly." She said softly, painfully close to him, perhaps crouching right next to him. Then he felt her touch as she pushed a strand of hair from his face and he startled, but did not open his eyes. "I know you might hurt me… I know and I'm still near you, but I have to know who it is you are right now… For there are words I need to say to the both of you and I know I don't have the strength to say all of it. I can only manage one."

Slowly he found the strength to open his eyes and was astonished to see the well of emotions pouring from her eyes. "I'm here." He whispered and reached out to touch her but she pulled away. He winced visibly and let his hand fall. "I'm… There aren't words."

"There are, but I need to say them now…" She breathed, looking into his purely golden eyes. Not a flake of ruby was present to mar their beauty. It was entirely him and the knowledge shook her. "I don't hate you." She managed to say before the tears she'd fought back fell in a torrent. She wouldn't say what came next easily, especially not with him looking at her with those broken, lost eyes so full of sorrow, regret and self-loathing. "I don't… I can't. You didn't rape me. You didn't do this to me, he did, and I still love you and I want you to be happy and when I'm strong enough, I swear I am going to destroy him and heal you and free our friends so we can all start living again, but…" She hugged herself, rocking slightly where she knelt before him, still chained to the wall, sitting on his cot. She pressed her eyes closed and shook for a moment until she could regain control enough to speak. Her eyes flashed open and she darted out, slamming her fists onto his chest, hearing him yelp in surprise. "You bastard, how dare you hide from us so long? How dare you run away and not let us know… Let me know you were alive? How could you do that? Didn't you know we'd help you? Didn't you know we… Didn't you know I love you enough to face anything just so I could know you were safe and happy?" She looked up and almost screamed into his face. "Don't you trust me enough to let me help you, Inuyasha?! Why didn't you come back until now!?"

He caught her wrists before she was able to slam them down onto his chest again, holding her until she was calm enough to hear him. He met her broken azure eyes, full of such pain and hurt that he'd put there, and he knew he couldn't hold back. Not now. Not ever again. "I was ashamed, Kagome. I was afraid I'd hurt you more than I'd ever hurt you before. I was terrified Naraku would take over and kill you because I was too weak to stop him. I wanted you to think I was dead because at least then you'd never know… How weak I really am. I'm sorry… I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner. I'm sorry I came back this way… It wasn't because I didn't trust you. It wasn't ever because I didn't love you… It was because I didn't trust myself. Not with you." He released her wrists and took her easily into his arms, holding her as close as he could, breathing her in, wetting her hair with his tears. "I love you, Kagome. I want you to be happy and I'm not fool enough to miss that I'm not the one who'll be able to do that. I'm setting you free. Please forgive me for not saying so sooner… For selfishly holding onto you when I knew I couldn't ever give you what you need. I can't ask you for forgiveness for anything else. I don't deserve it even if you could give it to me."

She clung to him, finding herself so in shock she could not respond to him for what felt like an eternity. When her tongue decided to begin working again, she leaned and kissed his cheek, pulling back enough to meet his gaze. She pushed back his onyx hair from his face and sighed, feeling new but easier tears slip down her cheeks. "We don't decide what we deserve or what we're worthy of, Inuyasha." She whispered, caressing his jaw with trembling fingertips. "I forgave you for everything even before you did it. You can do with that what you want, but you need to know that I free you too. I wished that you'd come back for me. It was selfish and made by a girl who hadn't quite grown up yet. But I understand now that there's no such thing as a selfless wish, even if it's made for someone else. We always get something in return, even if it's the satisfaction of knowing we made the wish. So I free you from the confines of my wish… Because I love you too and all I want is to see you as happy as you want for me."

"What do you need to tell Naraku?"

She frowned softly at him and he felt his brother's gaze as well as Kirara's fall on him incredulously. He smirked. "He won't be coming back. His escape has been destroyed. Not that he shouldn't be obliterated and I shouldn't remain chained up just in case, but the bastard won't be coming back out to play, though I can deliver your message to him, Kagome."

She trembled and felt her pain well, but fought to be strong in spite of it. She met Inuyasha's eyes again and spoke in a strong, unwavering tone. "Tell him… That he hasn't broken me. That he won't ever break me and that I fully intend to ensure he won't ever harm the people I love again. I'll rend him from this world long before he ever finds another chance."


	11. Sayuru

_**I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine.**_

_**This is dedicated, fondly, to ElegantPaws. It is not the most beautiful chapter, but it was her words and encouragement that finally allowed me to bring it to you all. I hope you enjoy.**_

_**Peace.**_

_**Ivy.**_

_Sayuru (Clear and Cold)_

How do we mend a broken heart? First we must know what it is made of. Some say it is made of fine blown glass, others of crystal. I heard someone once say that it was made of silk and yet another that many had hearts made of stone and a few who claim that a warrior's heart is made of steel, like their blades. If hearts were made of any of these materials, the answer to my query would be quite varied, indeed. Shattered glass must be thrown back into the kiln to be melted and reformed, as does shattered crystal. Stone, once broken, cannot be pieced back together in such a way that can hold unless one uses some form of cement made also from the earth. A sword, once it's steel is broken, must also be cast into the furnace so the flames might render it whole again. And silk… Silk can never be remedied entirely. Thread might patch the tear, but there will always be a seam where once there was none. A weak place. A vulnerability that is present. A seasoned geisha might learn to hide the seam into the folds of her kimono, but she will always know it is there. Silk, unlike the other materials I have heard claim that hearts are made of, is the only one that can never be rendered entirely whole again by fire or addition of further similar material, as in stone. Silk, also, is still the same silk that it once was, only now marred and changed while the others become something similar but entirely other than they were. A new glass or crystal vessel. A new sword. A wall made from the stony heart of its owner. Silk remains itself and will always be torn no matter how skillfully mended and hidden.

In reality, the heart is only made of flesh. Our flesh, sunk deep into our breasts, protected by more flesh and further shielded by bone. The heartbeats even when it has been wounded, spilling blood from it with every pulse. There is no way to heal a heart unless one has the skill to still it a moment without causing death. There is no skill for such a task, at least not in this time. Not in this place. And so, perhaps, the spiritual heart is much like the physical one. It is organic and entirely fragile. Our hearts are made of silk and so, through our lives, we acquire seams throughout the beating organ that we hide within the folds of our being. We know that they are there. Sometimes we have even been the ones who have mended the fissure, but most of the time it has been a task for another. Often times this other who comes to play tailor to our broken hearts is one we could have never expected. They slip into our lives and souls and see all the rips and tears we missed and repair us utterly and if we are very lucky, we are given the privilege of mending their hearts as well.

I had always believed that I would die the way my father had died. Even when I had hope that Naraku would be destroyed and vanquished utterly, I still believed I would die in the same way all the men in my family had died. The tear in my heart had been deep and entirely present the day that I met Kagome and Inuyasha. I had joined their quest because we had a mutual cause. In time it was revealed how similar our quests truly were and I began to believe in destiny again. And then there came Sango. She was more broken and torn than anyone I had ever seen. All I wished for was to see her smile; for I was certain that she must have glowed like the sun. She could have warmed all the cold places within me at once rather than the small pieces other women could for a moment. I knew Sango's warmth would be lingering warmth. I was even willing to be burnt by her if only to feel the heat of her light on me. And still, even with her warmth and my persistence and our love for each other, we did not mend the torn places within our hearts. We did not know how. We were too broken ourselves and too lost in our quest to have taken the time to mend.

Kagome once told me of a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is a thing where one believes something to be true and so they make it true. They cease fighting for something better. They allow the world to swallow them up. The night I finally gave up and walked from the camp to die, I allowed myself to give in to my own prophecy… My own belief that I would die as my father had died, but I had not expected Sango to come with me. She followed me and I hadn't the strength or the will to push her away. I was afraid and weak and so she was taken with me into death, pulled into my cursed hand along with our unborn child and set to a fate that neither of us could have anticipated.

We were reborn through Inuyasha. The night we had come back into the world was dark and cold and damp. We found ourselves naked and cold on the stone floor of a cave with his blood flecked golden eyes watching us with concern as he replaced the silken haori and armor onto his torso.

"I do not expect you to understand what has happened to you this moment… And I do believe you will hate me once you know and comprehend exactly what has transpired, however, take some solace in this one truth: your child is safe within me. I could not keep her within you, Sango. If she had been born out of the reborn flesh of my incarnation, she would have been bonded to me as well and I will not allow that. She is safe. There is a way to bring her into this world without harm coming to her and I promise you that such a thing will occur, you only need to trust me. I have given you both incredible reserves of strength and agility. Your other gifts will become apparent as you go, only know, Miroku that your kazana has been dealt with. You still possess it, however it will not devour you. You have control of it entirely and I charge you now to use it for me, your friend, Inuyasha, for it is a pathway into me as it was a pathway into Naraku."

"You… You bonded with Naraku?" Her voice was hollow and lost. I pulled her tightly against me and smoothed her cheek. "Why would you do such a thing?"

He smiled a dark, rueful smile. "It wasn't in my power to choose. Anything that was human in me… In us was burnt away and our beasts, fighting for survival, bonded and fused. I became dominant over Naraku. I can only imagine it is because of Kagome's wish. I never intended to return to my friends… I am too ashamed of what I have become, however… When the curse overtook you, Miroku, I realized that you both were not dead, merely within me, and I could either devour your strength to fuel me or bring the both of you back. I chose to save you because you are my friends… You are a part of my family and I would only wish the both of you well."

"You said… You said that our daughter was being kept safe within you." I murmured, transfixing the new visage of my old friend in my mind. "Are you saying…"

"Sango was with child, yes. She is not now, nor will I allow her to be unless we are able to find some way to free her from me, and you as well. I am sheltering the child in the part of my soul that is mostly my own. I would have done the same for the both of you, however, there was not enough light in me to protect all three utterly and so I chose the child, for I knew it would have been your wishes as well." He sighed and turned as he replaced his swords on his hip, lacing them through his obi. "There is a cool spring in the back of this cave and clothing for the both of you. I will return at dawn to fetch you."

"Inuyasha…" My eyes fell onto the second sword he had in his possession. "Is that not the same sword that was cast into hell before? So'gun?"

He turned his head back and a wicked smile was kissing his lips. "It is and he is under my full control, subject to my will even if I were to leave him untended."

"But how did you find him? How, when you were only in hell for a few moments?" My voice had taken on a hollow quality and I, again, tasted fear.

His smile became sad and pained. After a moment, he replied. "A moment is an eternity in hell, Miroku. Let us simply say that I had immeasurable spans of time to walk with the damned and the demons before I was brought back into this world and I used my time wisely."

I learned later that he had entirely tamed the evil sword with his will as his father had before him. I wonder now if that is not why Naraku always was partially in control of my friend's mind. I wonder if it is not another part of the reason Inuyasha did not return to us, to Kagome, once he had been freed from hell. I can only guess. The swords now rest across my lap wrapped in silk. The sword of heaven, Tenseiga, fused with the sword of the earth, Tessaiga, into one sword Inuyasha named Saisei, has not been wielded except as a blade since the final battle with Naraku, but So'gun… The evil sword has been favored in nearly every battle since. I can only wonder why it is that Inuyasha does not use Saisei as he once had. Perhaps it is because what the two brother swords required to activate their power is a thing which my once hanyou friend no longer carries within him.

What is the desire to protect? What is compassion? Both are born from the same emotion. Both are birthed from the ability to care and love without reason or reservation. More importantly, both are human qualities. It is said that when the gods birthed the land, they were in the form of humans. They brought life to the whole of Japan, birthing the humans, youkai and the lesser gods, the kami, who live as the souls of all things on the land. It is said that youkai were the first-born and in them was all the strengths of the gods and earth. They were meant to be rulers of the land, impartial and calculating in all things. Their younger siblings, the kami, were born and took up residence in the trees and the rocks and even in every snowflake and fall of rain. Their gift was enduring knowledge and memory. All things born of nature held within it a soul and so it was for a long time that the youkai ruled over the land and the kami gave the land life. Finally humans were born and placed on the land. They were the god's folly and greatest joy for, while they were frail and endured only short spans, they had been given the gift of creation. Through the hands and imagination of humans, new kami were born into the objects they brought into existence. This gift, however, came with both a great strength and a great weakness.

To create a soul, humanity had to possess emotion. Emotions are uncontrollable, irrational and overwhelming, and so became a great burden for the humans to endure. It was because of this burden that youkai began to look down on humanity where once they had only given them pity and disliked the gods for birthing such a weak creature. Even more, the youkai began to envy the humans for their great gift and so many decided to wage war on humanity, causing them pain, strife and fear. However, some youkai who were powerful enough to take the form of the gods and humans instead decided to take up rulership over humanity to guide their creativity and cultivate as well as benefit from it. So it was some youkai learned the power of emotion from humans and could create great weapons imbued with the spark of a soul as well as the power and strength of the youkai. In order to access the kami within any item created in such a way, the youkai who uses it must be able to access the emotion used in its creation.

Once, Inuyasha had the ability to hold compassion in his heart and desired to protect humanity. It was innate to him, for half of him was human. Half of him, while unstable and uncontrollable, gave him the ability he needed to speak to the kami of the sword. Perhaps it is that Inuyasha must learn as Sesshomaru learned. Or, perhaps it is that Saisei belongs with the western Taiyoukai who knows so well the power of love, the root of compassion and the desire to protect, and So'gun now belongs to Inuyasha who understands malice and complete control in ways Sesshomaru never could. We cannot know yet. What I know now is that, as I sit and meditate on the current situation, the voice of Naraku has been silenced in my mind. His will has abated and the will of Inuyasha has overtaken him entirely. For the first time since our rebirth, I taste victory and dare to hope, as I never have in my life that there will be an end and a safe harbor.

------

It was incredibly hard to breathe. Each footstep carried a weight that was almost overwhelmingly heavy. Guilt. Her guilt weighed her down and she knew it. She had never felt it so clearly as she did currently. The gardens were beautiful in their blanket of white cold. A sudden gust of cold win shook the Ume trees whose blood red blossoms had already begun to bloom. Red on white. She trembled and halted in her progression. She pressed her eyes closed and covered her face with her hands lightly.

He frowned and rested his hands on her shoulders with a tender weight. He did not speak, merely waiting until she was ready to continue. She leaned back into his touch and he embraced her, allowing her to rest herself on his strength and steadiness. "What is it, Kokoro?"

She smiled faintly beneath her hands and let them fall to cover his where he held her across her torso and at her abdomen but did not open her eyes as she spoke in reply. "Fear… Guilt… And the silliness of my current state, I suppose."

"There is nothing silly about your current state." He replied with a faint frown.

She opened her eyes slowly and nodded to the Ume. "Their blossoms…"

"You used to love to watch them open."

"They reminded me of Inuyasha… Red on white. I used to think that they were his way of reaching from beyond to tell me that he had come back to me and wouldn't ever go… I know better now. And… Now all the petals remind me of is what Naraku did to me. My blood on clean sheets…"

He growled faintly and reached up to divert her gaze from the trees and cradled her even more protectively. "I will have them taken out immediately."

"No… No, don't." She breathed and kissed his hand reverently. He tensed slightly and then relaxed, nuzzling his face gently into the nape of her neck. "They're beautiful, Sesshomaru… There are beautiful memories attached to them that live in your mind that came long before me. I see the way you look at them when they bloom… How your eyes dance. And I hope someday you'll tell me about the memory so it will erase the pain of my own thoughts."

He sighed and smiled faintly into her hair. He kissed her ear and nipped, chuckling when she gasped. "My mother taught me the art of the blade. She surpassed my father in finesse and speed while he was stronger and could wear her down… He left my education in the fundamentals of battle to her. She was a hard sensei. Her heart was steely even to me, her only son. She had a coolness… A mirth to her that always made me feel laughed at when she was teaching me… And I think, after seeing her coldness and careless disregard for me as a boy, I began to hate her… And then my father took Izayoi as a courtesan and I saw what true love and devotion looked like. My mother stayed only a few years after that. It was late winter, when the snows began to melt and the Ume blossoms would fall that we had our last lesson. The slush and ice mixed with mire came up to my knees. It was the day that I bested her. It was the day that I cut her once on her arm and it was the only day she ever smiled at me with warmth, with what I knew had to be love. She told me that she was proud of me and that, if Izayoi had not caused my father to desire her absence; she would have gladly stayed to watch me become a man. That was when I began hating Izayoi. It was the kind of hatred that comes from a boy who doesn't yet understand love. I know now that my mother saw me only as an obligation and I had to earn her positive regard before she gave it. But then it seemed that, only once I had gained her care and respect, she was taken away from me because of Izayoi." He met her confused gaze and sighed, holding her tighter to him. "They aren't beautiful memories, Kagome. They are simply a testament to a time that doesn't exist anymore and the folly of my youth."

"I still don't want you to take them out just because they upset me. They didn't do anything wrong."

He chuckled softly so that his chest resonated with the sound. "You are so good, sometimes, Kokoro. Even the trees are more worthy than you in your eyes."

"They're only trees. What I project onto them is what hurts me and that is only something I can overcome, Sesshomaru." She murmured and looked up to meet his eyes with a slight spark resting in hers. "And I will with you beside me. But that doesn't mean I want you to destroy everything that reminds me of my pain. It only means I want you there to steady me when the memories become too much to bear."

Sesshomaru nodded and took her arm and hand gently to guide her onward where he knew the monk and slayer to be waiting. The small clearing was a wash of white. The rocks and low shrubs were blanketed in a thick layer of snow. Into the crystal powder, two sets of footsteps moved side by side to a rock and nearby tree. Standing at the base of the tall tree was Sango dressed in dark leather armor. Her dark chocolate hair fell in a cascade of waves and curls to her knees, momentarily freed, and all but the pale skin of her face was exposed as her leather mask dangled from her fingertips. Nearby, sitting on a large bolder, the other set of footprints ended and, atop the rock, sat Miroku. His hair had grown out and he had abandoned the small gathering of hair at the nape of his neck. Dressed in similar garb, his mask was settled on the rock beside him while he sat in a perfect lotus with two swords lain carefully over his legs. Their eyes were closed until the Taiyoukai and Miko had entered the clearing. Then deep brown and sharp violet gazes fell softly onto Kagome with fondness and sympathy.

Kagome trembled and leaned into Sesshomaru who wrapped an arm around her hip to steady her. A few tears slipped down her cheeks as her friends advanced upon her slowly. "I thought you were both dead… I thought I'd never see you again."

Sango quickened her steps and gathered her friend into her arms in a tight embrace as the girl sobbed. "But we're here and that is all that matters."

"It was the wish… This is all my fault, Sango."

"Kagome, no! You can't hold any blame for that! How were we to know…"

"I should have known!" She cried out and pushed away from her weakly, meeting Sango's gaze barely. The woman was like a sister to her and all she could focus on was how greatly she had failed her.

"Kokoro…" He gently rested his palms on her shoulders, guiding her to lean back into him and then steadied her by wrapping his arm around her waist.

"You are blameless, little sister." He said softly as he approached. He had left the swords beside his mask on the boulder as all his care focused on the slender girl before him. He reached out and caressed her cheek gently as their gazes crashed together. "Sometimes things happen for a reason. And sometimes things happen because there is no reason to be found. You made your wish because of love?"

"Yes, but it was the wrong wish, Miroku!" She cried out as she attempted in vain to escape his gaze. "I wished for him to come back for me!"

"But you made it because you loved him, Kagome. You've been waiting with a held breath these past years and carried all of this guilt because your heart couldn't grasp how the wish went so wrong when you did make it for love. For the love of all of us, isn't that correct?"

"But, Miroku, it went so wrong…"

"Kagome…" She trembled and really looked at the man who stood across from her. Sesshomaru's embrace tightened around her as if in anticipation of the monk's words. "Sometimes things have to go wrong. Sometimes horrible things have to happen so that everything will turn out right in the end. We cannot grasp why it must, but in time, if we hold onto hope, the world will right itself again. If you had not made the wish, Inuyasha would have fused with Naraku and remained in hell for all time, their two souls warring together. When I died and Sango and our daughter were taken with me, we would have remained dead. It wasn't the perfect wish, but it was made with love and it is perhaps the only reason we are standing here now. There is no guilt in that. Weep if you must for the pain we all have endured, but once we are free and Naraku is truly gone, end your tears, Kagome. Heal and cherish what you and we have been given by the divine."

Her legs began to fold, but he would not let her crumple to the white ground. Miroku moved forward and gently took her from the Taiyoukai. He embraced her as tightly as he could and let her weep onto his shoulder. Sango moved to their side and embraced them both gently, whispering softly into Kagome's ear over and over again how much she was loved. He watched, enrapt for a moment, by their tenderness and warmth toward his beloved, and then he sensed it. The pang of evil mingled with good. His eyes rose to the two blades wrapped in silk that rested on the boulder where Miroku had been sitting. His eyes narrowed slightly as understanding crashed over him. His brother had gone through hell and found it again. He had tamed it and brought it back into their world after they had worked so hard to banish it. He turned his eyes back to the monk and they shared a meaningful look before he nodded slightly and let his worry and anger fade back so that his gaze only held warmth for his Kokoro. Now was not the time.


	12. Shimo

_**I do not own Inuyasha.**_

_**Again, I dedicate this chapter to Elegant Paws. Inspiration, apparently, works for more than one chapter.**_

_**-Ivy**_

_Shimo (Frost)_

When I am still, I can still feel the pressure of her lips against mine and all the gentleness and need of their velvety smoothness. I can taste her mouth open to me, willing to me, flavored with her own unique sweetness and the hindering reminder of her mortality. I can remember every sigh, every soft movement below me with that, our one and only moment, as she held to me as if I were her only hope. She needed me. She wanted me. She would have taken my offer, I am certain, if it had not been for my desire to have full-blooded mates. I knew her desperation. I knew her pain. I knew that she would only have been using me to make her pain ebb enough that she could have some sort of life… And it would have been a lie if I'd said that I thought she'd ever really love me the way she had loved the bastard hanyou who never really saw her worth, but I knew, in time, if she'd accepted me, she would have found some sort of kindling within her for me and I would have sheltered that light I had put there as if it were my own soul and breath and life. But I should have remembered her pride.

My Kagome never was one to run second to anyone, perhaps with the exception of the undead miko Inuyasha favored so heavily. Had he asked of her what I asked of her, to play second to Ayame who was already second in my heart, she would have said yes. I should have known she would have said no to me with that being the proposal. She could never love me the way she loved that undeserving asshole… But I never should have left her that day. I ran because of my own pride and that pride cost me my freedom and any chance I had with her. I should have stayed and severed myself from Ayame. I should have made Kagome mine forever and then, perhaps, I would be the one holding her and walking by her side as Sesshomaru does now. I can see them, watching the Ume bloom. She is crying slow tears and he is holding her close. The Taiyoukai realizes something I never could. Purity of blood does not matter when love is concerned. She should have been mine, but she is his now and, for all her tears, I see a smile in her eyes. I see the light that he put there and, while I hate him for taking my place, I cannot help but wish to thank him for saving her. My world would be darker for the lack of her.

My mate is watching me. Watching me watching the one I would have had, wanted to have, over her pure and royal blood. She is a princess and I should desire her more, so goes her thoughts, but what she does not know, cannot understand, is that her royal blood means nothing without a nobility of spirit. She is still so very much a child. She envies my love for Kagome even knowing now I will never reach for the miko again. It is not that she has been sullied by Inuyasha. No. That is not the reason. It is only that I know Sesshomaru, unlike me, would never have turned from her if she'd told him to go as I did. He never would have run if his pride were hurt. He simply would have stayed and waited out her storm. I love her too much to hurt her by trying to pull her from the one steady hold she has in life even if it irks me beyond words that he is not I.

"Why do you not go to her? Snatch her from his arms as you did from Inuyasha's over and over again?" Her voice is filled with bitterness I cannot and will not endure.

"True love is letting go, Ayame."

"True love? Do not fool yourself, Kouga. She will never love you as you so ardently love her."

I turn and stalk to her with a snarl. "This I know, pup. She loves Sesshomaru and I am happy for her love. It brings me peace."

"You are a liar, Kouga. You have always been a liar and always will be a liar."

I cut her words short by knocking her to the ground harshly before she can dodge. She was not expecting my violence and neither was I. I snarl and look away in shame as her eyes widen and gaze up at me in fear. Hatred, lust, desire, possession all I can accept in those perfect emerald eyes, but fear disgusts me. It disgusts me even more that I put it there. "Take your wrath out on me, Ayame. Not on Kagome. Enough has been done to her for a hundred lifetimes."

"You struck me."

"Yes."

She stands and slaps me and I am grateful for the sting. "How dare you? I am a princess of the wolf tribes! The last princess as you are the last prince. Our people are dead thanks to the hybrid of two hanyou and his lust and fixation on a woman who owns my mate's heart as well. I have every right to hate her."

I meet her furious gaze and stare her down. For a moment, I am glad for her fear. "She did not force us nor ask us to love her. We simply could not help ourselves. You don't get to choose whom you love, Ayame, you just get to choose what you do in its name, and I have chosen to help protect her and watch her find her happiness with Sesshomaru. If and when we are freed from Inuyasha, you may choose your own way, but know if you harm her or attempt to harm her, I will slaughter you unmercifully."

"But… We are mated, Kouga!"

I snarl and then smile wickedly. "You know that bond was severed when Inuyasha made us his minions, Ayame. You know that we are no more mated than I am to Kagome. When we are freed, I will not take you back."

"So you can have another chance with her?"

"Do not be foolish, woman." I growl and walk away from her toward the frozen pond. "For another chance at my own life, free of the burden of you."

------

"Do you hate me?" She looked up and met the dark inuyoukai's golden gaze. Again he spoke. "Do you hate me for what I said, Kirara? For what I did… To her and to you?"

"Don't, Inuyasha. It doesn't matter now." Her heart shattered slightly as she looked away from his piercing gaze. He would be the end of her, she had no doubt. "You are yourself and all is forgiven. You heard Kagome."

"Kagome forgave me… But you didn't." She wouldn't meet his eyes again and the chains ensured he could not stand and go to her. "Kirara, I need to tell you…"

"Please, Inuyasha." She finally looked up at him with an entirely broken expression. "I've never hated you or blamed you for any of this. You know how I feel, how I've felt the last few years, and you would be foolish to think that it has changed over the last few hours."

"That isn't what I was asking, Kirara." He said slowly and meaningfully. "What I asked is if you can forgive me."

A slow, shuddering sigh slipped through her lips and teeth before she could drag in another breath to speak while meeting his gaze. "I forgave you for what Naraku did through you, though you know I know it not to be your fault. I forgive the harsh words you said to me while I waited here with you… But I can't forgive you for what you did to me, Inuyasha." She almost smiled at the curious and pained expression adorning his rugged features. She stood and then knelt in front of him. She took his hands in hers and turned them so she could trace her palms with her fingertips before she spoke. He trembled as her whispered words drifted into his ears. "Two acts, Inuyasha. Two acts that were entirely yours while Naraku was barely under your control within you… You saved Miroku and Sango's daughter, and you gave me the strength I needed to take this form."

"I… I don't understand."

"Most Inuyoukai, even those born pure of blood, cannot and will not ever understand my meaning, Inuyasha… But I will enlighten you. My kind, born into entirely feral, animal forms are much simpler creatures. We do not grasp love or fidelity or emotion as those with human or quasi-human forms do. It is understood that the few of us who choose to take on a human form are considered more powerful in all ways, but we are separated from our true nature. We sacrifice our beast to walk among other youkai and to be the voice of our kind. When you made me… Gave me this form, Inuyasha, I was desperate to save the child of my most beloved friend. There was no choice but this and so I took what you offered without hesitation or regret. I will never be whole again. I will never again hear the call of my kind and understand the placidness of their existence. I only have this life now…" She noted the subtle shift in his expression from curiosity and hurt to a swirl of inner turmoil. She smiled faintly and slipped her wrists into his palms and then grasped his wrists, blushing when he held hers in tight response. "I can't forgive you for that because I don't want to forgive you. I know that you don't love me. I know you probably never will, and I'm at peace with that… But I would not have you hating yourself any more for anything or other. You are too beautiful, Inuyasha."

She began to pull away, but he held her there with his hands tight around her wrists. She frowned in faint confusion. "I'm sorry."

She blinked and shook her head as her confusion only grew. "I told you I won't forgive you for this…"

"No, Kirara." He said in a harsh whisper. He drew her closer, released his hold on her wrists and grasped her shoulders. His pure golden eyes were clear and warm and entirely his. He felt her tremble but did not release her. "I'm sorry for letting him… For allowing him to make you cry. Your tears cut into me like I never knew anything could… And I'm sorry."

It was terribly hard to breathe. She felt light headed a moment, but his hold was enough to steady her. She inclined her head and found his lips pressed to her brow in a soft, tender kiss and with the contact, the deep cracks throughout her fractured soul only deepened, threatening to shatter. "I forgive you… I have always forgiven you…"

"I promise I'll do everything in my power to never make you cry again, Kirara."

"Inuyasha?"

He pulled her into his embrace and placed a gentle kiss onto her cheek. "I can't say the words… I don't know if I'll ever be able to."

She pressed her eyes closed and, instead of speaking more, clung to him gently. She clung to him for, in his arms, pressed into his form, there was peace, if only within his warmth.

------

She sat in the main hall by his side quietly in the warmth provided by the thick walls of the palace and the fur, mokomokosama, which he had carefully wrapped her in on their way back inside. She stared at the food that had been placed in front of her with weak, uncertain eyes while the others ate. Her children had joined her, Sesshomaru, Miroku and Sango for the mid-day meal, but she was not hungry. She had not been hungry for the whole of the morning and, even in her growing weakness, she could not convince herself to eat. She wasn't even certain the food would stay down.

She remembered the days following her father's death and how her mother had almost wasted away with grieving. She lost so much weight in those first few days that her milk had stopped and she could no longer nurse Souta. The doctors tried to convince her to eat, but she would not heed them. Her grandfather had taken up caring for his infant grandson and beautiful little granddaughter that reminded him so much of his lost son. In the end, it had not been for the love of her own life that Kagome's mother had decided to live; it had been for the love of her daughter. Kagome, wise and stubborn child that she had always been, decided to stop eating as well. She had walked up to her mother and father's room for the first time since his death weeks before and had crawled into their bed beside her mother and had refused to budge or eat. At first, Mrs. Higurashi had not believed her daughter would follow through with her hunger strike. She was certain the first pangs of hunger when Kagome missed lunch would call her away for food, but not even the three daily meals that were brought to them tempted the little girl. Mrs. Higurashi managed to maintain her slow march toward a chosen death only a day longer, for Kagome maintained she would not eat until her mother had eaten. She would not lose both parents. She had set her mind that she would not let her mother fade away and she had won.

But she could not eat now. Her heart was too heavily laden with sorrow and the revenants of guilt that could not be pushed away and would not be silenced until Inuyasha was free of Naraku forever. She understood now how easy it had been for her mother to decide to die. Kagome had not lost her beloved, he sat to her left and was currently watching her with worried eyes, but she had lost a part of herself in a violent, soul-tearing act that she could not yet forgive herself for allowing even though it had protected her daughter. When Inuyasha had gone into hell and then Miroku and Sango had been pulled into his Kazana, shortly after Kirara had left them and Kouga had left her to live with the memory of her lost love, she had found a similar place of deep depression. The only reason she had eaten anything was the look in Shippo's deep green eyes as they tilted up to look at her with the concern and pain of a child who simply did not understand fully what was happening to her and why she was giving up. She had mused then that it was a similar look she had given her mother that had finally brought Mrs. Higurashi back. She had lived for her son as her mother had lived for her daughter's sake. Currently there was no child to draw her back from where she had gone, only those deep amber pools that fell on her so steadily and with such love it physically warmed and burnt her at once.

"Kagome, you must eat something." His voice was so steady it caused her to tremble. He reached out and caressed her cheek with gentleness and care. "You have not eaten yet today and very little yesterday."

"I have no appetite." She whispered and then curled gently against him before closing her eyes.

His lips tightened slightly as he looked down on the dark crown of her head. "I will not allow you to starve in my house, nor anywhere, Kagome."

"I'm in no danger of wasting away, yet, Love, please…"

"And I am to allow you to fall deeper into this grief and guilt ridden pit you have stumbled into?" His agitation began to touch his words. He would not let her fall away even slightly. Not even for a moment.

"I'm just not hungry." She could feel their eyes on her, all focused on the scene before them. She had closed her eyes, for the lids felt so heavy. All she wanted was to sleep.

Rin trembled and tried not to cry. She felt Shippo's hand under the table capture hers and she squeezed back lightly, holding to him for steadiness. Her father looked almost beside himself as his eyes closed completely and a faint line touched his brow. He didn't know what to do. She'd never known him to not know what to do. "Momma…" A few tears slipped down her cheeks as the miko's eyes opened slowly. Even the blue of her eyes seemed faded and tired. "Please, don't… Please."

"I'm just not hungry, Rin." She said in a soft, comforting manner and managed a weak, watery smile. "Don't cry, baby, I'll be alright, I just need to sleep."

"NO!" The outburst was so unexpected, so entirely out of character for the kitsune, even Sesshomaru tensed and looked at the young man whose fierce gaze was now focused entirely on his mother. "I won't watch you do this to yourself again. Refusing to eat. Sleeping most of the day and falling into your damned day-dreams the rest of it." He hissed at her. Her eyes widened and she trembled as Sesshomaru's arms tightened around her. "The way you go on… It's like you want to die. I know what Naraku did to you through Inuyasha. I know you still blame yourself for everything, but I've been watching you for four years, Momma. You haven't been living, you've been enduring and existing this whole time. First for me and then for Sesshomaru and Rin and now, I suspect, for our friends who have returned to us. But enduring isn't living. I've been holding my breath for four years waiting for my mother to come back to me and I refuse to watch her leave me any further."

Panic raced through her as she watched him stand and march toward the door. He was fighting tears, though she knew she was perhaps the only one who could see them. She pushed from Sesshomaru and raced to her son, managing to put her hands on his shoulders as he opened the door to leave. "Don't…"

He did not turn. "I can't watch this any more. Do you understand? The Kagome I knew… The Kagome that took me in and loved me would never have let herself fade like you have faded. You can't keep breathing just for us because just breathing and pretending to live and walk with us and laugh with us isn't the same thing as really being there." His words became clouded with tears. "I love you so much, Momma… I just want to see you smile again with all your light. I don't expect it to come back all at once… I'd be a fool to expect that and ask it of you, but I do expect you to try."

"Shippo… Shippo, I have been. I've been trying for a long time and I…"

"Don't lie." He said harshly and turned to her so she could see the tears fall. He grasped her by her shoulders so she could not move. "Don't lie, Momma! I've been with you through everything and I know everything. I read you better than any other person I've ever known, so don't lie to me!" He noted her panic and fear and sorrow. For an instant, he didn't care and it was enough to say exactly what he'd wanted to say for four years. "You can't live for other people and call it living. That's just existing and enduring. That isn't living. The only person you should live for is yourself because, one day, that might be all you have left."

For a moment, she was dumbstruck at the pure honesty of his words and then her heart began to ache. A shuddering breath escaped as she focused on that one singular twinge within her, the spasm and ache that begged her attention. Once, years before, she had felt something breaking within her. It had been the day she had nearly accepted Kouga. The day after so many days she'd watched her beloveds leave her. It was the day her light had gone out. She'd thought that fragile part of her, the filament of her soul, was broken irreparably. She'd abandoned it and moved on and tried to live for everyone else. She'd tried to shine with the light they gave her rather than her own light and she realized entirely what that meant. For four years, she'd been given everything, but everything she'd given back had been hollow, aching, trembling and filled with more need. All she'd done was take and, even in the quaking and still fresh agony of her violation, in the shock and overwhelming truth of her friend's survival and return to her, she realized that she had to be strong again. She looked at the part of her where her light shone and warmed her that had been dark for so long and stumbled in the blackness only to find that the part she had believed was broken had somehow mended with time. She closed her eyes and drew in a shaking and fresh breath as she reached into herself and found the switch again, only to feel more than see the light as it began to flicker back to life.

"Oh, Shippo…" She whispered as tears again slipped down and wet her cheeks. She opened her eyes and they sparkled up at him as if she were just waking for a dream. She reached up and tucked a long rusty curl behind his elfin ear. "I'm so sorry I left you alone this long."

He blinked and gazed into her eyes, noting the soft light that had returned to them. It was weak and fragile and threatened to fade away again if even slightly damaged, but it was there and that was all that mattered. He leaned and gathered her into his arms, holding her tight, as if he expected her to fade away. "Just don't leave me again, ok?"

She laughed a short but musical laugh and kissed his cheek gently. "I promise."

He nodded and looked up to find Sesshomaru standing close, his eyes firmly fixed on the woman the Kitsune held so close to him. Shippo smiled and released his mother gently.

She turned to the warm, glowing energy of her beloved. She'd felt him close for a few moments, but had been entirely caught by her son and what he needed from her. When she looked up and met his deep amber eyes, she noted the pleased surprise that entered them. She moved into his embrace reflexively and smiled as his arms wrapped around her. For the first time in four years, the murky waters of her soul settled and cleared and a jewel shined on its own for the man who held her so close to his chest.

How do you mend a broken heart? How do you coax it to beat again when the ache in doing so is so great the pain of living seems more than the cold of dying? How do you piece it together and fuse the pieces so that it is again as it was? You cannot. A broken heart can only mend itself. We may sew in seams. We may disguise them in folds. We may recast and reclaim, cement with mortar and patch it with time, but in the end, the broken heart only mends under its own power. The pain never fades. The heart is never the same, but it is still a heart. It is still the main reason we keep living. All we can do, in the end, is hope, love and be patient and, sometimes, force the heart to skip a beat so it can know the true loss in stopping.


	13. Kazahana

_**I do not own Inuyasha.**_

_**This is my holiday gift to my readers. I won't be writing again until the second week of January, for I am focusing on my own fiction that I will be attempting to have published. Lovies and peace to all.**_

_**Ivy**_

_Kazahana (Snowflakes)_

The question was not if it would work, but what amount of power it would take to complete the task. She had explained what she had discovered of Inuyasha's predicament in those short, fleeting seconds she had been able to wash her miko powers over him before Naraku had taken over. There were layers throughout her beloved friend's own flesh of the evil youkai and she believed, more so, she knew, that she could destroy one without harming the other while using her power to regenerate Inuyasha's inuyoukai flesh as she had Sesshomaru's. The question was not if she could attain such a feat, but if she could and still be living at the end.

"You will not become a martyr, Kagome." His voice was steady and calm, though she could see in his eyes how much even the thought troubled him.

"I do not intend to become one, Inuyasha." She replied softly without diverting his gaze. He had been brought up from his cell by Kirara and Kouga only moments before. Ayame had refused to be present for the discussion, claiming that if she lived or died did not depend on her opinion, only on if Kagome was as strong as everyone believed of her. If she were, she would thank her later.

"But to do what you have proposed, Kokoro, you would need twice the life energy that you hold within you. You exhausted yourself entirely by only regenerating my arm and you speak of now regenerating half an inuyoukai."

"Then we'll have to find another source for me to use while I regenerate him, Sesshomaru. There's simply no other way unless we kill him and I won't allow that." Kagome said with a soft look to her beloved. "And I can't stand him being in chains any longer, nor my friends chained through him. It has to end now."

He felt his stomach tighten in a knot as he watched the fearsome Taiyoukai reach out and caress Kagome's cheek with infinite tenderness. Not even a flicker of tension touched Inuyasha; in fact, he looked almost pleased by the developments between his brother and dearest friend. Kouga, on the other hand, knew he hadn't the grace or strength currently to be so accepting of the shift, however, he would endeavor to become so. "The monk could help you. Have you not the same wellspring of power, Kagome?"

She looked to Kouga and then to the ground, shaking her head. He could see the faint glimmer of shame in her eyes. They had not yet spoken, but he knew she still was upset about their last meeting before Inuyasha had claimed him. "Here's the thing… So long as Miroku is connected to Inuyasha, he is connected to Naraku. I cannot purify Naraku away with his own life energy. It simply isn't possible."

"Then let me help." Her voice sounded small to her as she spoke up. She had tried to make herself so small when Kouga had entered the room with Inuyasha and Kirara. Shippo had been holding her hand the whole conversation and had tightened his grip when she spoke.

"Rin… You should not endanger yourself. What you would be giving is life energy and it is in no way certain that…"

"I am not a child any more, Father, please don't treat me like one." Her eyes widened at her own words. She looked up to see the whole room staring at her in surprise. She swallowed thickly and released Shippo's hands. "I'm sorry for my insolence, but I'm not as weak as you or anyone here seems to think. I couldn't expel Izayoi's ice, that is true, but I am strong and I can help."

Kagome blinked at the sureness in her daughter's voice. A faint smile touched her lips before she spoke with her eyes dancing with pride. "She could not expel the curse, it is true, Sesshomaru, but she kept me here. She wouldn't let me fall away and held my soul and mind in place even within the ice. That isn't the work of a child, it is the will of a miko."

"But will the both of you be enough?" Sango ventured softly as she worried her hands in her lap.

"There is another, Kagome…" Kirara said with a great reverence in her words. "Another who could help in this task and then we would not risk loosing either of you."

"Kaede." Kagome breathed and felt her eyes well with tears. "You could bring her… You could bring her and Hitomi here."

The nekoyoukai nodded and noted the light dancing in both Miroku and Sango's gaze as they looked on her. "I hid them for their safety far from here. Far from Naraku's eyes. It will take me the span of a day, but I can bring Kaede and Hitomi to the Lord of the West's palace and then you, she and Rin may finally end it."

"And it will be as it should have been." Sesshomaru said softly as he drew the silently weeping miko into his arms. His eyes fell on his brother and the two citrine gazes caught in a perfect understanding. "You brought So'gun back from hell, Inuyasha. You tamed him as neither our father, nor I, ever could for, even while he is not in your possession, he sleeps in wait of you reclaiming him. Now you own it and the fused swords you named Saisei. What do you intend once Naraku is dead and disposed of and you are fully inuyoukai as you always wished?"

"Keh." He smirked and shook his head slightly. "I don't want what's yours, Sesshomaru, and So'gun is enough to handle alone without Saisei whispering all the time."

"It whispers?" Shippo asked in soft awe.

Inuyasha smiled faintly. "Yes, She does. They balance each other like yin and yang, and while I have no difficulty keeping So'gun in line, Saisei has a mind of her own." He met his brother's stare with a flicker of what Sesshomaru could only guess to be respect. "She is like another who lives between us, Sesshomaru… And like Kagome, Saisei belongs to you."

------

"It's snowing." There was delight dancing faintly in the whispered words. She reached out and smiled as a few snowflakes fell on her fingertips. Soon others joined the solitary ice crystals and the earth became blanketed in white. She watched from beneath the sill with her hand still extended to catch the dainty, weightless lace.

Her mother smiled from where she sat near the fire. Souta was napping in one of the two bedrooms of the mountain retreat that Mrs. Higurashi had rented for the two weeks of vacation they had before school began again. The snow had come late, but she was happy it came at all. Though there had been ice and hail, there was no blanket of white, only the frozen fangs hanging from the sill. The snow reminded her of her late husband who always delighted in the season. "If you promise not to play under the ice icicles, you can go outside and spin, if you wish, Kagome."

Her eyes lit up with secret delight. It had been almost two years since her father had died and as long since she had been in the mountains when it snowed. There was something magical about the mountains… Something perfect and untouched. She could almost believe in magic again when she was there. She could almost believe in the stories her Grandfather told her about youkai and the kami that he swore were still in the world and always would be, because they were the world. She could almost believe. Almost. The same way she could almost believe in fairy tales. When she was in the snow, spinning in her own secret world, she could pretend again. She was almost a child again.

"I promise." She jumped up and closed the window before slipping into her heavy coat, gloves, hat, scarf and goulashes. She walked outside, carefully, ensuring she did not disturb the ice icicles that were newly formed from that morning's rain. Her mother would be out later, no doubt, to knock them down as she had every evening since they had arrived. She stepped out into the slowly blanketed clearing and put out her gloved hands to catch the soft fall of delicate white with a soft, glowing smile kissing her lips. "Every one is different." She whispered, echoing her father's own words to her when she'd asked why he loved the snow so much. "Every one has it's own soul… It's own Kami and should be cherished." She glowed and put out her arms before beginning to spin. Slow, at first, then, once she had her center, faster and faster until the small, fragile, icy spirits spun with her, caught up in her vortex.

She did not even feel herself nearing the porch where the weak, slender blades of ice hung. She was so caught up in her dance with the snow, she did not notice how close to peril she came. None were enough that they could kill her, but, if one needle caught in her eye, she risked her sight. Her hand swept against the railing and shook several daggers loose, falling down onto her. She opened her eyes in surprise only to see what was plummeting onto her. And then she was pulled back and out of harm. She fell back into the soft blanket of snow that had formed with a sharp cry as she watched the whole of the sill's collected ice icicles fall only a second later onto the spot where she had been standing only a few feet away. Her mother rushed out with wide eyes and gathered her daughter into her arms. She was crying and holding her tightly without a coat on to keep her warm.

"Momma… Momma, I'm alright."

"Oh, Kagome! If you'd been under those when they fell, you might have had your eyes cut or worse!" She was weeping and checking her daughter for any wounds. "You should have been more careful! When I heard you hit the railing, my heart almost stopped! I should have knocked those down before you went out… Oh, Sweetheart!"

"I'm ok." She said with a soft and steady voice. She met her mother's eyes and smoothed her tears away. "I wasn't anywhere near them when they fell." She lied. She had to lie to save her mother from further guilt. "I was being careless. I'm sorry, Momma… But we should get inside or you'll freeze!"

Mrs. Higurashi nodded and stood with her daughter. They returned to the safety of the house and the warmth of the fire. Her mother went to the kitchen to make some hot cider for herself and her daughter. She needed to keep busy to calm her nerves. Kagome opened the window once she'd shed her winter garments and her mother was outside of hearing range. She looked out onto the snow where a small flurry was spinning near to where she fell. "I don't know… I don't know whether you're the snow that saved me or my father… Or someone else entirely… But thank you. You saved me and my mother tonight."

She closed the window and, in the distance, hidden by shadow and snow, silver and red silk spun and retreated into the night.

------

Ebony silk curled and flooded over his pillow in soft waves. She was curled onto herself and deeply beneath his blankets so that only her hair and one of her closed eyes were visible and a two fingertips resting near her brow. He sat near her on his bed and watched her sleep. He'd demanded it of both her and Rin. He desired them both fully rested before they attempt anything to save his brother and destroy Naraku finally and utterly. Resting across his legs was the sword that Miroku had placed in his hands, still wrapped in silk. He hadn't the courage yet to unwrap the sword his brother had named Saisei. It was not that he was afraid, only that he knew that he was not ready to tame the blade. His mind was entirely focused on the girl who slept so deeply in his bed.

There was so much beauty in her and a slowly building light. The light he remembered being in her that was her own rather than the light she collected and reflected, refracted from within herself back into the world. Her light was no longer borrowed light, it was her own light fueled by her soul and her desire to live and be happy. Once, he had desired to be the man who made her happy, but he no longer did. He loved her as he had never loved another being, but, seeing her glowing with her own light after Shippo had brought her back from the darkness she had fallen into, he realized that, for four years, he, his daughter and his son, the kitsune, had been the ones making her happy. They had been keeping her alive the whole time and now… Now, he could bask in her joy and warmth and light as she did in the love and strength that he gave to her freely. It was an equal partnership. Perhaps, as it always should have been.

Years before the final battle with Naraku, when they had forged their alliance in the hopes of defeating the fiend, he had found her sitting near a stream, staring into the water with slightly glazed eyes. The hanyou was nowhere to be found. The kitsune was with his ward; Jaken and Ah-Un while the monk and slayer had gone out to hunt for the evening meal along with the still feral nekoyoukai.

"Why are you alone, miko?" He asked softly as he studied her. She was not so unattractive to look upon, but she was still human. It was not her mortal vestiges that attracted him, even then. It was the warmth and light behind her mortal coil, the strength of her soul and depth of her love and loyalty to his undeserving brother that had caught him up. It was the same aspects that had bought his protection and care for Rin, though he thought of the girl only as a daughter.

She had looked up slowly and, as her eyes caught with his, the veil that had been covering them in a web made of shadows faded away, revealing only light in her deep blue gaze. "Because Inuyasha is angry with me again and wants time to himself."

He frowned internally but did not allow the expression to touch his features. "What could you have done to enrage him?"

"I asked him if, now that he had Saisei, whether he would try to resurrect Kikyo again." There was sadness and longing behind her words that sent a certain ache through him that almost clenched in his chest.

"Why would you ask such a thing of him? Is not the undead miko's soul also yours?"

"Yes, but I lived with only part of my soul for years and I want him to be happy…" She smiled a sad smile and looked back down to the water. "But, to answer your first question, I asked him the question because he, out of hand, mentioned that he missed her. I know I can't make him happy… Not the way she could."

"And he is angry because you wish him joy?" He found himself confused, but, then again, hanyou were confusion even unto their selves.

She laughed and her eyes lit up with mirth, catching him off guard. It was not that he wasn't used to the odd mood shifts of humans. His own ward, though sunny in her disposition, was slowly becoming more immoderate and shifting in her temperament. "I didn't say it so nicely to him… I suggested that he'd rather have Kikyo with him than me and that he might as well kill me and bring her back. Then he called me… Some rather crude things and I sat him several times. I wasn't being very nice… I wasn't feeling very nice. I'm just so tired of being compared and feeling like I'll never measure up. Like… The only reason he is even with me is because she's dead. Because she died. And that is part of the truth, as painful as it is to acknowledge it. He'll never really be happy because I'm here and she isn't… Because she had to die for me to even exist. And it's hard because he's my best friend. It's hard because I love him so much and he doesn't even see me except for how much I remind him of her. Sometimes I wish that he'd stay by my side simply because I'm me. Not because he needs me to destroy Naraku… Or because of who I remind him of. Just because I'm myself and that's enough."

He could not fight the faint creasing of his brow as concern rose unbidden in his heart for this girl he barely knew aside from what he had seen fighting beside her and observing her where she stood near his bastard brother. "Surely he will not be gone long. He has not left you."

She smiled another sad, lonely smile and stood in front of him, only an arm's distance from him, but within reach if he desired to reach out. "He'll return because of Naraku and that he's hungry for ramen. Not for me. Never for me."

He reached out gently and pushed a strand of her hair from her brow and sighed as he continued to watch her sleep. Their conversation had taken place shortly after the death of Kohaku. The boy had thrown himself in front of a bolt of Naraku's dark energy to save his sister from death. Only a few weeks and still their encampment had been on edge and in mourning. He had never mourned a creature even slightly in his life until the boy had sacrificed himself for his sister. Kohaku had become to him what Shippo was currently. He was a student and like a son. The boy was strong, stoic and unafraid of death. He'd redeemed himself in his final act and, it was that last shard of the Shikon no Tama that had been the only deciding factor in winning the battle against Naraku… Or so they had thought until Inuyasha's return. Now it seemed slightly tainted in his mind. Kohaku had saved his sister from Naraku only to have her later be entirely slave to the dark hanyou's will from within his merged being with Inuyasha. Still, it had been a noble act and worth remembering as such.

His eyes drifted down to see the deep azure pools of his beloved opened half way, falling on him with sleepy warmth. He smiled faintly and laid Saisei to the side before gathering her into his arms after joining her under the blankets. "You should be asleep." He whispered into her hair, and then kissed her brow.

She smiled and pressed tighter into his arms, sighing, before she wrapped her arms around his torso. "My bear…"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I am not a bear, Kagome."

She smiled mischievously and shook her head. "You have no idea what I'm talking about…"

"I do. You have called me a bear and I am not one." He said softly and ran a hand through her hair slowly.

"No… I know you aren't a bear." She murmured as the final vestiges of sleep fell from her mind. "In my time… When I was a little girl, my mother would read me fairy stories from a collection that was put together by two brothers of the name Grimm."

"Fairy stories?"

"Like kaidan, only from Europe."

"I see." He smiled faintly and again combed his fingers through her hair, smiling when she trembled. "You have no intention of falling back asleep, do you?"

"Not for a while." She murmured and looked up to see the mirth in his gaze. "Would you like to know why I called you a bear?"

"I would like to know how calling me a bear is connected to this collection of kaidan published by the brothers Grimm." He said before gently kissing her brow.

"Alright." She chuckled and sat up slowly so she was sitting in the crook of his arm so that she could look down into his eyes while she told the story. He turned slightly so his head rested on her thighs and his arm was wrapped around her hips gently. She traced his crescent moon as she began to speak. "One of my favorite stories was called Snow White and Rose Red. It started 'Once upon a time,' because all of their stories began like that, and then told of a woman who lived in the forest with her two daughters. She named them Snow White after a white rose bush at one side of her garden gate and Rose Red after a red rose bush at the other side. Snow White was quiet and loved to be at home, helping her mother and reading quietly by the fire while Rose Red loved to run in the forest and find wild flowers and berries to bring back home."

He smiled softly and took her hand, kissing her fingertips. "They sound like you and Rin in many ways."

"Yes, but shhh. Let me tell the story." When he chuckled and nodded, she continued, holding his hand while running her free hand through his hair. "One winter night, there was a scratching at the door. They opened the door to find a bear waiting for them. The bear was covered in snow and earth and begged them for shelter for the winter. They agreed and Snow White showed the bear to the fireplace where the two girls helped beat the snow from his thick fur and wash away the mud. The bear stayed with them all winter. Snow White and he spent much time by the fireplace talking and she would read to him from the books she loved best. When the spring came, the bear had to go, but before he left, he promised the girls he would come back now and again to visit them. When they asked why he must leave them, he replied that an evil gnome, who slept during the winter, was in search of his treasure, and if he did not ensure that it was protected in the spring and summer and autumn and the gnome found it, he would die. So the little family bid the bear goodbye, but as he was leaving, his fur caught on the door and tore, showing a bright gold patch that only Snow White could see. He came again the next winter and the next until it was expected that after the first snow, he would find his way to their door. The summer after his third winter with them, Snow White and Rose Red were walking home from town with supplies and found a gnome who had his beard caught beneath a log. The girls took pity on the gnome and tried to free him, but were not strong enough, so they cut his long beard instead."

"Was it not a gnome who was seeking the bear's treasure?"

She leaned and silenced him with a kiss, pulling back after a long moment when she was certain he would be silent. She looked down on him and shook her head, laughing at his playful look. "Will you let me finish my story?"

"If I interrupt you again, will you silence me in the same manner?" He asked with mischief dancing in his amber gaze.

She shook her head and sighed. "Let me finish… Please? And then I will kiss you all you want."

He laughed and nodded as he sat up so that he could pull her into his lap as she continued. "I will for that promise."

"Alright." She said with feigned distress, though she still glowed at him with warmth. "In any case, the gnome was furious and cursed at the girls. Rose Red told him that he should be thankful he was free at all and then the sisters hurried home. A few days later, the girls were returning home from gathering firewood and found the same gnome with his beard caught in a frog's mouth…" She poked him for his laughter and he tried valiantly to silence himself, though shook now and again. "They're fairy stories, not great works of literature. Let me finish… Again, they could not free him and so cut his beard again. He became enraged and swore, if he crossed paths with them again, he'd kill them for their insults. The girls ran home once again, afraid for their lives. Several days later, Rose Red was out picking wild flowers when she came across a young man who had fallen from his horse and had hurt his leg. She helped him up after bandaging his leg and began to help him to her home. He told her he was a prince in search of his older brother who had vanished three years before after the gnome king put a curse on him when his brother, who was to be king, had refused to pay the gnome king the gold he demanded. Rose Red, remembering the tale of the bear, wondered if it was the same gnome she and her sister had come across. Then they heard Snow White scream and raced as quickly as they could only to find her being attacked by the evil gnome from before. Suddenly, the bear attacked and killed the gnome, crushing his head in his teeth and saving Snow White. The bear then transformed into the prince's brother, and he shared his story with Snow White. The treasure he had spoken of had been his own soul, which was the golden light only Snow White could see. He said, because she had seen the golden light, she was his true love and meant to be his wife. For a moment, she was taken aback and didn't believe that he really was her bear who she had loved as a dear friend, but then she recognized his voice and realized he'd been telling the truth. He and his brother took the sisters to their kingdom and married them and their mother brought the two rose bushes and planted them beneath her daughter's windows so they trellised and grew up over the palace walls and they all lived happily ever after."

He smiled and reached out to caress her cheek tenderly. "And so I am your bear?"

She trembled and leaned into his touch. "And my prince…"

"And you are my Snow White." He whispered, capturing her lips in a deep, languid kiss. She sighed and melted against him fluidly as he laid her back into his pillows. He smoothed her hair from her face, and then embraced her entirely as her arms wrapped tightly around him.

She gasped softly and arched ever so slightly to him as he pressed more of his weight onto her. He deepened their kiss, savoring her warmth and taste, though feeling his chest tighten at the faint tang of mortality behind her infinite sweetness. How he ached to make her his own in that moment. He had not sensed her finite existence so keenly as when their tongues and spirits danced together in such close contact. She was so fragile, so precious to him and he ached to bring her into eternity with him, but he knew that it was not time yet. Slowly he pulled back and met her half lowered lids heavy with desire and warmth. He leaned and kissed each eye and her brow lovingly.

"I would take you now, but…"

"Not until it's done." She breathed and met his gaze steadily. She traced his markings with trembling hands. "I'm ready… It wouldn't be out of desperation, now, and I think you know that, but I can't. Not until we've killed Naraku."

He nodded and smiled faintly. "I know. For the same reason Miroku cannot aid you, we must hold back. Even the faintest tainting of youkai energy would hinder your ability to purify Naraku and regenerate Inuyasha." He ran a hand along her jaw and throat, smiling as she blushed and trembled. "But you are so beautiful… I do not want to lose you, my Snow White… My Kagome. I risk losing you if there is not enough strength."

"Don't be afraid." She breathed and met his amber gaze with a sudden, overwhelming knowledge that she could only call instinct, for anything beyond that was too much to fathom. "You found me and I've endured and I'm alive and free and yours all except in this. We've come so far, you and I… There has to be a 'happily ever after' at the end, Sesshomaru."

"This isn't one of your fairy stories, Kagome."

"No, it isn't." She breathed and kissed him again lovingly, tasting his worry and need in the heated contact. "But I have no intention of leaving you, Sesshomaru. You give me hope and real love… And that's something to fight for."

"You will be fighting alone…"

"No, not alone." She whispered and smiled as understanding flashed through his gaze. "Never alone. Not now."


	14. Fuyu No Ame

_**I do not own Inuyasha**_

_**For my Father who taught me about the magic.**_

_Fuyu No Ame (Winter Rain)_

"There's magic in the world, Kagome. Never doubt it." His voice was rich and resonant and, oh, so very confident. It was the kind of voice she imagined the Kamis might have if they could speak. It was the kind of voice she knew would haunt her until the day she ended and it would be a willing manifestation in her mind. One's father always is. Years would pass and she would become an adult. His face might fade, his touch might vanish, but his words and that warmth of tone he always possessed would never leave her.

"Magic? Like fairies?"

He chuckled. "Your mother has been reading too many of those European stories, Baby Girl." He looked out her bedroom window at the waning light through gathered clouds. There'd been no snow that year. Only rain. "I have no doubt that over there, there are fairies and elves. But here we have oni and youkai and kamis that live in everything made by human hands and forged through divine creation. The glass…" He pointed to the window that was fogging slightly at one corner, then stretched and wrote the word 'spirit' in the gathered, icy air and breath that had collected on the smooth surface. "We and the gods make the magic in everything and so everything must be revered and worshiped for the life it holds."

"The window is the doorway to magic…"

He nodded and smiled a knowing smile before reaching out to touch the tip of her nose with the same pointed finger he had written on her window with. "Once, long ago, there was only the creation of the gods who were given souls, called kami, the oni and the youkai and taiyoukai that ruled over them. But the gods were not finished. They saw that the earth was lonely and stagnant. And so, they birthed humans and gave them the power to imbue their creation with kamis just as the gods could. The world is full of magic, Kagome… We've simply forgotten it's there."

She pondered this a moment and looked at the kanji on the window with a faint smile. "What happened to the youkai and oni? They couldn't have just disappeared… If they are gone, isn't some of the gods' magic gone?"

"Just because they do not walk with us does not mean they are not near. This world is so full of magic humanity has made, is it not reasonable that they could be living right beside us and never know?" He watched his wise little daughter who, at only five years old, managed to impress him with her intelligence and innate wisdom.

"So how could we find them?"

"Would you like to find them?" She nodded and he smiled at the brightness in her eyes. "Then think on this… We are the mortal copies of the gods who birthed all things but the kamis humanity has created over time. We are connected to all as the gods are connected to all, and so, if you wish it… If you call out to them, Kagome, in time they will find you."

Her eyes glowed faintly with the possibility. "Someday they'll come, then… Someday I'll know them."

"Someday." He whispered softly and kissed his daughter's brow. "But, for now, it is time good little girls should be asleep."

Kagome smiled and looked up at her father as he began to sing to her. Next to her mother's stories, this was the best way to fall asleep. She'd be hard pressed, then, had she been asked which she preferred. How could any child choose between two beloved, loving and entirely devoted parents? Time could not change her view on such things, but it gave her the desire, the will that might have easily paid any price just to hear her father, one last time, sing his little girl to sleep.

------

The rain was pouring down onto them. The clash of swords could be heard from miles around as father and son collided again and again unrelentingly. Both were great warriors, but the father was honorable. He fought as his father had taught him. He fought as a samurai. His son had been taught by another, his heir's own mother, and she was not an honorable warrior. And so, his heir fought constantly looking for his opponent's weaknesses, ignoring his own, waiting for an opening. It was not that his son did not have a weakness; it was that his weakness was not physical. It was emotional. If he could touch his son's rage and contempt, he could defeat him.

It would be an easy task.

They were dueling after a rude comment from the heir to the taiyoukai during dinner about his consort's condition. It had been a cruel, calculated comment and Inu no Taisho had been swift to answer it. Now, nearly an hour into their duel, he felt both pride and anger that his son had yet to show his weakness. Still, he knew it would come. It always did. When the boy fell so fluid with the motions of his sword and stance that thought no longer mattered, his mind would take reign and he would have a moment to think on what it was that had brought him to battle. It worried the taiyoukai of the west to see how distanced his son and heir was from his emotions. He was too much like Satori and too little a resemblance to Inu no Taisho. All except in one respect. Sesshomaru's curiosity was one of the few and strongest traits that the boy had inherited and learned from his father. It was what kept him up at night thinking, pacing the floor of his rooms and always, endlessly searching with the tenacity he had also learned from Inu no Taisho. But there was no compassion in him. No love or care for any other creature but himself and that was a truth Inu no Taisho could often find little stomach for. If his son was going to be a great ruler, he needed to understand what was worth fighting for.

There was the opening.

Once, twice, thrice with the flat of his blade along his son's back, head, then swiped under Sesshomaru's ankles so the boy was sent crashing to the ground, meeting it with his rear in a rather undignified way. He would not go to first blood. Never with his son. Never as Satori did. He found it unreasonable and pretentious to use such a cruel method on their son and his heir, but their agreement in joining had been that she would provide him with an heir of pure blood and true strength only if he were not involved in the boy's rearing. Once she was convinced his training was complete, she would leave their son to his father to finish his preparation to one day become Inu no Taisho's successor. He had sent the Medio Seki with her, a trial for their son left by him for the days to come after he was gone and his son had taken his place as ruler. He would do what he could to teach Sesshomaru what he needed to know, however, Inu no Taisho was not a fool. He would leave his lessons and let the world teach them to his son, for the stubborn, cruel, willful creature hated his father so greatly that it would be any wonder if the boy ever became a man even without Inu no Taisho's presence.

"Look at you. Still on your ass in the mud sulking!" He snarled as he circled his son with both of their blades in his possession. The boy was sitting forward on one arm so that his hair curtained in a sodden silver curtain over his face. "You are not ready to defy me, Maru. You are not strong enough nor do you have enough peace and grace of spirit for you to best me. I pray, one day, you find what it is that you need to understand what will make a great ruler, my son. But for now, while you live under my rule on my lands, you will keep your cruelty in check."

"You replaced my mother with a whore. You replaced royalty and dignity with a creature who, in only a few decades, will be reclaimed by the earth and then filled her unworthy belly with a hanyou child that will never be so strong as this Sesshomaru." He looked up and the curtain parted revealing icy amber eyes. "There is nothing but cruelty in me for it."

"Then you will hold your tongue and guard your sword, my boy. If I must swallow the bitterness you throw at me, then I shall, for you are my son. My first and heir. But know this. If you cause my beloved strife enough that she or our child or both are lost, you will no longer be my son."

"You would not dare strip me…"

"I do not dare, Maru." He replied coolly, meeting ice for ice and threat for threat. "My word is law."

He watched his father leave him still sitting where he had fallen. "Boy." He breathed hatefully as he stared at his father's back with cruel eyes. "Maru. Most beloved… I am Sesshomaru. I am grown and am a man, yet you treat me like a child. You do not see me." He murmured, knowing his father could faintly make out his words even at their distance in the rain. Once Inu no Taisho was fully out of range of hearing his son's words, Sesshomaru spoke once more as he looked down at his hands in defeat. "Someday I will be greater than you… Because I will not compromise my duty or my heart. I will find a way to be faithful to them both."

------

He stood pacing at their window in the grey light of dawn. The dark sword, So'gun, lay on the floor near their bed where she slept and dreamed deeply. He paused and looked on her where she laid, her hair curling and free with strands loose on her face. A smile was kissing her lips as she slept and dreamed of their daughter. Hitomi. Normally it was she who could not sleep and he who would coerce her to his side and lull her to sleep with a deep rocking of sensual bonds until, exhausted, they fell into slumber. She had done her best and, yes, he had slept a short while. Their release had been sweet and filled with light and hope, all caught up in her eyes. He'd missed that shimmer in her. He'd thought he'd never see it again. He was glad to be proven wrong.

He looked back onto the waning light as color returned to the land, though only in patches, for everything was still blanketed in white. Kirara had left the night before, entrusting Inuyasha to Kouga and Ayame so that he and Sango could rest and be ready for their daughter's return. The time had slipped by achingly slow while he had lived in the moment. Now, as he caught sight of the nekoyoukai's approach on a cloud of fire and black energy, the hours seemed meaningless in comparison to the years they had been forced to live without their little girl.

He remembered how small and pure she had seemed in his arms the day Inuyasha had presented her to him and Sango. They had held her in wonder and loved her instantly. She was so perfect and untouched by his curse or by Naraku's evil. Shortly thereafter, they had given her up to Kirara and Kaede for her protection. They had named her Hitomi for the bright beauty of her eyes. They had still been blue when she had been sent from them and so he had to wonder whether they had taken the deep chocolate tone of her mother's eyes or if they had settled into the dark violet of his own.

Their approach hastened and he felt himself smile. Only a few more moments and they would be within the gates and then a few more and they would be at the stairs. He moved quickly and dressed himself, then moved to his love and kissed her deeply, drawing her slowly from her restful slumber. She sighed and moaned into his mouth only to find her deepening their connection. Their arms entwined around each other and she trembled and pressed to him. Slowly, breathlessly, he pulled back and met her glowing gaze with light of his own.

"They are here. Dress. Be quick." He breathed and pulled away from her so she could dress. He smiled as she donned not her normal armor but the pale blue kimono he had bought for her shortly after their rebirth. He wore his normal black and dark violet robes, his much longer hair held back in a short braid. Once she was ready, he grabbed the cursed sword and put out her hand for him. When she did not take his hand, he frowned. "What is the matter?"

"Leave the sword here… No one can raise it but Inuyasha."

He nodded and placed it on their bed before reaching for her again. "I was not thinking."

She smiled and took his hand, squeezing it before walking out of the room with him. Still, he turned back and sealed their room with a sutra. It had been the duty placed upon him and, until he was free from his bonds to Inuyasha, he would follow orders as surely as Sango, Kouga or Ayame would.

They reached the steps of the palace as Kirara landed with Kaede and a tightly bundled slender form that was wrapped tightly around the old woman for warmth. Upon seeing them, the elder miko smiled and put a finger to her lips in warning. The girl was still asleep and exhausted, no doubt from their trip, though Kaede looked as if she were ready to drop as well.

"There has been a room made ready for you." Sango breathed to them as a few servants approached to lead them to their rooms. Her eyes kept darting over the tiny form for some sight of her face, but could find none as the little girl was hooded and had buried her face into Kaede's neck for warmth.

The elder miko nodded and walked carefully up the steps with Kirara's help but did not speak a word for fear of waking the child. Once at their room, Kaede laid the girl down onto the bed revealing a cherubic face and long, curling ebony hair that framed her pale visage. Once she was settled, she turned to Sango and Miroku who had been captured by their child's sleeping presence. "She will sleep for several more hours… And I must rest or I will not have the strength to help Kagome and Rin."

"Does… Does she know we're here?" His voice broke softly and he felt heated wet course down his cheeks.

Sango looked up and wrapped her arms around him protectively, letting him lean on her as he gathered himself. "What does she know of us, Kaede?"

The old woman smiled and looked to where Kirara was sitting next to Hitomi, removing layers of furs and silks until the girl was in her sleeping yukata and tucked under the heavy covers. "She knows her mother and father love her tremendously. She knows that she had to be hidden and kept safe even from them because an evil man was lurking in the shadows waiting to harm them. She knows who ye are and she knows ye are here. She's been waiting for ye… She even dreams of ye and tells me of your adventures from before with a snow haired hanyou and dark beauty who was a miko and a small kitsune… She dreams things she should not be able to know, for I have not told her. Hers is an ancient soul and, no doubt, when she wakes, she will want to meet ye both."

He nodded slowly as he absorbed the old woman's words. He was captured by the small creature before him whose face was so much like her mother's who held onto him so tightly. He ached to wake her, to pull her into his arms and promise that she'd never have to go without her father or mother again, but he was afraid. He knew Kaede would not stop him, nor would Kirara, but he was afraid. "When she wakes… Could you send someone for us?"

Kaede smiled an old, wise smile. "I shall, Miroku. Now… If I could, my old bones need to rest."

Sango took his hand and began to draw from the room with Kirara to let the elderly miko and child rest. She frowned as he pulled his hand from hers once they were back in the hall. "Miroku?"

"I need to think, Sango, my love." He smiled weakly and saw understanding in his beloved's eyes as well as in the gaze of the nekoyoukai who stood vigil by the slayer. He turned and walked toward the far wing of the palace to find his center again.

------

Waking up was the hardest. Dreams were beautiful and always warm for her. She had been sheltered by the love of a doting grandmother and protective guardian and had never wanted or desired for anything. Except them. Except her parents. That was why dreaming was so hard to leave. They lived in her dreams. In her dreams, she was wrapped up in their arms and, when she would look up at them, her mother's smile, so sad and warm, and her father's eyes, sparkling and filled with mischief, would capture her whole being. She ached for those dreams to be real. It was so very hard to wake up until she remembered where her grandmother had been taking her. She was taking her to her parents.

Flashing violet eyes opened wide as Hitomi pushed her self jarringly from sleep. She was no longer curled up onto her grandmother's shoulder flying with Kirara through the skies; she was tucked neatly in bed next to her grandmother who was snoring softly. She smiled mischievously. She could sense Kirara outside her door. If she were very quiet, and she could be so very, very quiet, she could slip out the window she could see across the room and take a look at where she was without the overprotective nekoyoukai even noticing she was gone for at least five minutes.

She slipped from beneath the heavy silken covers without even a rustle of sound and found her shoes and warm clothes with just the faintest padding of tiny feet on the tatami mats. Dressing was harder. Her fingers were not yet nimble enough to form the proper ties necessary on her clothes, but she managed without too much effort. Once she was dressed, she opened the window slowly, taking care of the sliding wood in case it made any grinding or squeaking while being pressed back. She climbed out the window into a world of white that had been swept back from the wooden porch that encompassed the palace. The icicles had been knocked from the sills, ensuring no one was hurt when they fell. She smiled and shivered slightly before walking silently, quickly along the porch to another part of the palace.

No more than a moment later, she heard Kirara and her grandmother's calls. She hit her forehead in annoyance. She hadn't closed the window and the cold had seeped in and woken her grandmother, alerting them to her vanishing act before she even had much chance to get anywhere alone. She saw a partially open door further down the porch and ran swiftly to it. She tripped at the jam and fell hard before turning and closing the door.

"Baka…" She cursed and looked at her torn kimono.

"Who are you running from, little one?" A smooth baritone voice asked from behind her.

She froze and gasped but did not turn around. "I… I am playing a game with my guardian…"

She heard her voice being called in panicked voices and she grumbled. Apparently they had no sense of humor. "They do not sound like they are enjoying your game." She could hear a frown in his voice as well as a strange sort of worry.

She sighed and scowled. "They're so upset and tense… They were taking me here to meet my parents and were full of smiles and promises, but I know something is wrong. And they aren't telling me. Suits them right being upset." She turned to look at the man who had been sitting and watching her so silently. Her breath caught in her lungs and she blinked. Once. Twice. It wasn't enough to clear away the dream. She reached up and rubbed her eyes carefully before again looking at the man sitting in front of her with such a quizzical, warm expression on his face. He had her eyes.

She stood and walked to him slowly before reaching out with tentative fingers to touch his face and trace the sudden pathway of tears, shimmering in the dark that raced from their shared gaze. He looked as if he were afraid to touch her, afraid because he might break her. "I dreamed of you." She whispered and saw his eyes dance with light and a broken kind of hope she couldn't fathom. "You're my daddy, aren't you?"

He nodded once and reached up to push away some of her unruly chocolate hair from her face. "You look so much like your mother."

"I have your eyes… Grandma and Kirara said so… Why are you so sad?"

He smiled and carefully drew the child into his embrace; terrified she would pull away from him. He shuddered in relief when she pressed into his arms and clung to him. He felt her tears wet his collar and he rocked her gently in his arms. "I'm not sad, Hitomi… My baby girl. I'm happy."

The door from the porch slid open with a slam, causing the child he held to jump. He looked up to see a breathless nekoyoukai with his beloved standing behind her with a tearstained face. "I have you." He breathed softly into Hitomi's hair and then met his lover's gaze. "There is someone who has been aching to meet you, Hitomi… Just as much as I have."

"Hitomi…" Her name was said like a prayer. She looked up from her father's chest and trembled at the vision before her.

Her eyes were warm and deep brown and her smile… Her smile was so sad and filled with light. She stood slowly and trembled as she took in the form of the woman before her. She was trembling, clutching the door to keep her self-standing. Kirara stepped aside slightly and her eyes twinkled as her ward stood speechless before the slayer.

"Momma…" She uttered with a similar reverence before rushing forward into Sango's open arms.

She fell to her knees and clutched the slender child to her as tightly as she could without harming her. She breathed in her hair and wept silently. Her daughter clung to her, trembling in the chill of the air. "I've been waiting so long…" She finally breathed as some of her sorrow lifted. She drew back and looked at her child with love and tenderness. Her eyes lifted to see her beloved standing nearby with a warm smile on his tearstained face. She stood and lifted Hitomi in her embrace as she walked to Miroku.

Kirara smiled softly from the doorway before closing the door silently. She leaned on the wall of the palace and looked out onto the white blanket that covered the Western Lands. Four years… Four years caught in the ice and cold of winter. Frozen in place. Finally it seemed that there was hope.

Soft pattering on the sill caught her attention. At first she thought it was heavy snowfall, and then she saw the dripping crystals unfrozen from the ledge, melting away the snow slowly. She stepped to the edge of the porch and put out a delicate hand, capturing the cool rain on her fingertips.

"Winter can't last forever." She whispered and turned to walk back toward Kaede's room.


	15. Tanjutsu

_**I do not own Inuyasha.**_

_Tanjutsu (Short Day)_

I had a dream once. When I was a child. It started like any other dream with the clouded landscape that held no form or function. Everything was shadowy and held still among the haze. I could only grasp the shape of things rather than their function or identity. It was frightening for me. I needed to know. I needed to understand how it all worked and was put together. How it all fit and interlocked and made meaning. I could not continue until I saw something for what it really was rather than the shadows it was hidden in.

"Do you believe in fate?" Her voice was soft and musical. In all my life I have never forgotten that voice. "Do you believe in destiny?"

"Are they not the same thing?" Another deep, silky, dangerous voice answered in another query before I could speak.

"Who are you? Where are you?"

"You are frightening him. Do not frighten him." She was so soft. So sweet. I didn't need to see her to know how gentle she was.

"His fear will be his undoing."

"Please… Please stop!"

And then I could see her. She was so beautiful. Raven hair that fell in cascading waves and eyes… What color were they, really? Black or some ethereal blue? She was the only thing in view that had any identity, any shape in the mist. Not even I had a shape. "Don't be afraid."

"Who are you? You're so pretty." I whispered to her and tried to reach out to her, but she pulled back.

"Names mean nothing."

"Names mean everything." His voice caused me to tremble.

She scowled softly and I wished she never had to make that face again. She met my gaze and her expression softened. "Names mean nothing. Names define. They shape the bearer."

"I do not understand." I whimpered and reached out again and once more she pulled away. "Why can't I touch you?"

"I don't belong to you." She whispered so softly I feared her words might shatter as they slipped from her lips.

"But, please… What is your name?" I beg this time and tremble when she shakes her head. "Why?"

"Because names mean nothing. They confine and define before we are able to choose who we are. Before we discover ourselves." She replied and then I heard his laughter. I shuddered.

"You are a walking riddle. All women are."

"Why can't I see him?" I asked her and she sighed softly with a sad smile touching her lips.

"Do you really want to know?" She asked and my heart ached for the sad expression in her eyes.

"Yes… Yes, please."

She stepped back and began to fade into the haze, sending panic through me. "We cannot see ourselves from our own vantage… And your mirror has been broken."

I woke when she vanished. I woke screaming. Or, the boy I was had. He had woken to his chilled room and mat with no blanket in the home of a cruel master. The boy had no family. He'd been abandoned or perhaps they had died and had loved him? He couldn't believe the second. Neither can I. As she had pulled from him in his dream, so must have his parents. This boy… This man I am no longer. The bandit, Onigumo.

How strange? It is only now as I am interned in Inuyasha's mind, trapped and shacked in the dark, that I remember my dreams? They are crueler than the tortures I heaped on the hated enemy. My rival for Kikyo. My rival for the Shikon no Tama. My rival even in our shared flesh. And now, I see, even my rival for our dream girl… Kagome. The angel who would not let me touch her when I was only a child. But she had been a dream, hadn't she? We are not supposed to touch our dreams. We aren't even supposed to remember them. I wasn't supposed to touch her.

And still, I touched her. He was not supposed to. The boy, the human, Onigumo, who I was. She ordained him. Him. Not I. Not Naraku… But she had been so gentle and sad. She hadn't wanted him to frighten me. But who was he? The dark voice? Who…

I cannot see myself. I couldn't even when Kanna held the mirror to my face… I always looked at others through it. No… Kagome did not want the boy, Onigumo, to touch her, because she knew who he would become… She knew Naraku would overtake his broken innocence as cruelly as I overtook the miko's virgin flesh.

How sweet… I can even still feel her tearing. That untouched, unclaimed maidenhead ripping and giving way. Kamis… I wish now it had only taken longer. I can only wish that her pain had remained a moment more so I could have seen those pure eyes a little longer sullied and overwhelmed.

Anything to drown out the sadness. Anything to hide the soft, sad sympathy in her eyes when the boy had dreamed of her. Sadness I put there. Sadness and mourning for the death of the boy she knew she'd never meet. Sadness for his fate… The fate I forced upon his unknowing, broken, hateful heart. Sadness because she hadn't been there to save him.

She would save us all. No… She would save them all. Not me. Never me… I saw the hate in her eyes. She had never hated me before. There had been pity and fear, but never hatred.

What is this bitter taste in my mouth? This horrid feeling of twisting and aching and yearning? I do not understand… I cannot place it… No… No, what has she done to me? This is not me. I cannot be feeling this well of absurd, overwhelming emotion. I never… I never regret.

I wanted to know. I needed to know from the first moment I saw her if I could push her that far. She is so pure, even after I broke her virginity; she is so clear and pure. I wanted to know if I could make her taste hatred. I had to know. I knew it would be the death of me. She is so loved. So protected, but, at the heart of it, this wasn't about destroying them, it was about destroying her so I could know. So I could prove that love and light and hope and goodness were all just a lie. So I could know that the reason I'd never known such things was not fate and destiny conspiring against my own self and then me fulfilling my own prophecy of darkness and evil overwhelming me… It was because they had never existed in the first place…

And I wanted to be wrong.

------

If you put a face on love, can you ever really find it? I keep asking myself that over and over again as I watch him… His dark hair down and his eyes held fast on the form of the inuyoukai, Inuyasha. They are talking about Kagome while I sit and listen. Kagome… I once thought it was close to my own name, but it isn't… Only that last syllable. Meh… So much like something said to dismiss or discard. Something that shouldn't have bothered me. We are like day and night, she and I. There's nothing similar about us, and yet I clung to that last syllable like it was the only thing that mattered. I must have sounded like a spoiled child.

But, for so long, his face was the face of love for me. I believed he was love. He had to be love or else I would have held myself back from the world. I would have given up my life for him and all in vain as his eyes fell on her… Dismissing me with as much carelessness as the strength I used to hold onto that one similarity. If I was similar to her in any way, maybe… Just maybe he'd find something wonderful in me, too. Maybe I'd be the face of his love instead of her. And then it would have made all of the sacrifice worthwhile.

I was wrong, though. I walked away, walled myself away for so long from the world, becoming some princess in a tower for him that I didn't realize he wasn't ever coming to save me. He wasn't going to claim me. Even now, now when we had been mated, when we had been one, his heart is with her and she is love.

There was a day when he had come to me and told me that he wanted to become my mate. I was so happy. I was elated. Naraku had been defeated. We could become one pack and he and I would be together entirely… And then he'd told me something that burnt into my ears. I was only to bear him an heir and then I was to leave him with his love and concubine, Kagome. It would be a farce. A lie. His honor would be devoid. He could never command the respect of our pack or the other youkai again. He would be alpha in name only until our pup came of age, at which he would relinquish his hold… All to be with her. To be with Kagome.

Why had I agreed? Why? I hate myself for it, but it was because I wanted him. I wanted him and only him and even if I had to swallow being second in his heart, seeing him sire useless hanyous with that miko whore, I would… Because he was love for me. And, perhaps, with his love for our child, his heir, perhaps he could learn to love me a little… And then, when age claimed his dishonorable concubine, he might seek comfort in my arms and leave her to rot.

There's a knot in my stomach… A horrible, aching knot. Why should I hate Kagome so much? Why? She turned him down. She walked away from his offer and, by all rights, gave him up to me completely. She is and was honorable… She always has been regarding him. She is his face of love, but he is not hers. She loves the Taiyoukai, Sesshomaru… Guilt. That is the knot in my belly where a child should be… Guilt for hating her so long. She who has remained pure only to be sullied and broken instead of being able to give that one, beautiful and untouched part of her to the man she loves completely and who loves her completely in return. She, who had to endure the infidelity of Inuyasha for so long as he went time and again to a woman who was only clay and barely a fracture of the true Kagome. She, who watched her friends die before her, who lived punishing herself for her weakness for so long… She, who had to endure losing everything, even her family and who has so very little but what is given to her by others… All she has is her heart and her warmth and her love…

"Ayame?" I hate the concern in his voice. I snarl and try to walk away. He grasps my wrist. "You're crying."

"Kouga, leave me alone. I don't want you to touch me again, so just leave me alone." I snarl, but refuse to look at either of them for fear of attacking.

"What's the matter? Please… Tell me."

What I wouldn't have given to hear his voice laden with such concern again only a few days ago… Now it is like poison in my heart. "We never saw her… Kamis, no one ever saw her… Except him." I turn and meet his gaze viciously, making him back away, making Inuyasha quake visibly. "Why did it take her being broken and nearly killed for the both of you to really love her? Why couldn't it have been real from the beginning? Maybe then… Maybe then I could have let go, Kouga… Long before this. Because I always knew you didn't really love her… And so did she." He stutters and Inuyasha winces and I sigh, shaking my head softly before I turn and leave them in the cell.

I begin to walk, my heart churning and my head aching and my stomach pulsing with guilt. I always knew that he hadn't loved her… I even knew from the stance of Inuyasha that he was merely possessive and held, if anything, a brother's love for the miko. I always knew, but I didn't want to believe it. Kagome… I pause and look out to the blood red blossoms. The sky is clear for the first time in weeks. I can see the sky and the full moon that lights up the world with its brilliance. So much like her… The bright body in the night sky that lights the darkness and brings hope to the world.

"I wanted to be wrong." I breathe to that haunting moon and, for a moment, I almost imagine it whispered back.

------

The scroll falls from my hand and rumples on the floor in a soft, crinkling sound. Jaken has always been faithful. He was my private servant in the palace and, when I had left, he kept me abreast of my son's life and his doings. I admit pleasure on all accounts for a century or two. He had inherited my cruelty and cunning. Nothing of his father seemed to have clung to his cold heart. And now this.

Years ago he had come to my palace with a human boy and girl at his side. I sneered at him. I taunted him and made him play the game his father had set so long before for him. He had enlisted me and I had agreed. Foolish, lovesick girl that I was… I gave him my word of honor. Yes… I had loved him. Loved him as I only could love. A mangled form of love more lust and ache than the actual emotion… I had been weak and young and foolish, overwhelmed by the birth of our son. He had made me promise and I had agreed.

He saved them… Not with any power of his own but his eyes. The gaze of his father… The heart of his father. For a moment, I was the girl again and I took pity on the symbol of our innocent love that stood before me in broken, incomplete flesh, nearly weeping over a human girl.

For years Jaken kept me informed on the welfare of the same girl and how she faired in my son's care. He told me of when the miko, Kagome, had come to live with my son. Told me of the gradual warmth in his heart. Told me how he was changing… And I remembered his eyes once more. His father's heart cast through my eyes set in our son… I had thought he would become like me. I had worked so hard to make him like me… To be ice and cruelty and hatred. I wanted him to be such so he could never have his heart broken like mine was. I wanted him to be safe. I had thought he was like me for so long and then I caught glimpses of his father's warmth in him and I realized more than wanting him to be like me and believing I could foster such cruelty and hatred in him…

I wanted to be wrong.


	16. Fuyu No Tsuki

_**I do not own Inuyasha. Not mine.**_

_Fuyu No Tsuki (Winter Moon)_

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman, a miko, with a heart that was so pure, so free of evil or darkness, she was given the responsibility of caring for an item of great power. This item, a jewel, was so powerful it could both destroy and create worlds. It was forged in battle and honed through the death of both goodness and evil. This miko, whose name was Kikyo, had an innocent heart. It was, really, the heart of a child. She loved deeply and without reason. She trusted as deeply and also without reason. It was why she was so easy to love. She was everything beautiful in the world but she was also naïve.

Almost within the same few days, she met two men. The first was a hanyou named Inuyasha whose blood was that of a human princess cast from her home and left to die in the snow and a great and fearful taiyoukai who ruled the west. His soul had been forged through love and was also very much like a child. Kikyo recognized this and refused to kill him even when he attempted to steal the jewel she had been entrusted with. The second man she met was named Onigumo and he was a human bandit. She had found him, charred and near death as he dragged himself from within a burning house of a lord she had been passing. The fire had been an accident, but Onigumo cared more for gold than his life and so had almost died in its pursuit. Onigumo had been raised in cruelty. He neither knew his mother or his father, for they had abandoned him when he was only a small child, barely older than a baby. His life had been cold and hard and so Kikyo took pity on him, seeing that his poor, broken heart was also very much like Inuyasha's, and sought to save him rather than allowing him to perish.

She loved both men with her innocent heart. She loved them and she trusted them. But she did not understand that, while both loved her, neither trusted her. She was so pure, so untouched that they knew they would sully her and so, while Inuyasha was willing to become human for her, Onigumo wished to taint her completely so he would not have to be alone.

And so it was, Kikyo learned the true sting of betrayal. Her innocent, naïve heart was broken and torn and she lashed out, for hers was still a child's heart. And still, she could not kill the hanyou, Inuyasha. Instead, she pinned him to a tree and allowed herself to die.

I like to believe she made such a choice because love had won through her great betrayal. I need to believe it, for she was my sister and only family. When Kagome came to us, when I learned she was the reincarnation of my sister, I understood that my hopes had not been in vain. Kagome's deep love and faith was enough to see that betrayal had not overwhelmed her soul and made her bitter. It had taught her to be cautious even when following her heart. It had opened her eyes. It had made her see what was hidden in the hearts of others. It had made her better than she was as Kikyo.

The day of my sister's final death was a day like any other. Kikyo had kept herself alive for so long on the borrowed souls of others, devouring their light until there was simply nothing left of them. I knew the day would come that she could no longer sustain herself. I simply did not know when that day would be.

Kagome was helping me in the garden when we saw the form of my sister walking toward us. There were fractures throughout her clay form and it looked as if she might shatter before us. Inuyasha raced to her but she put out her hands as he tried to touch her.

"Don't touch me, Inuyasha…"

"But, Kikyo… I could save you! I have Saisei now." He looked so lost. He was still the boy, the child who loved her. Very little had changed in his heart.

She shook her head and smiled softly. Even that action, so foreign to her form, caused some of her to fall away. She looked to Kagome and sighed. "I am not who I was, Kagome. Not my true self. She is you and I… I am only a fracture of time, an instance in her existence that never had any resolution. I am the part of you that once could trust without question and with her whole heart… And I was betrayed. Horribly, painfully betrayed. I've walked so long now and done so many horrible things while separated from my whole self. I've been searching for this resolution, the thing that will make it all better for us… But I cannot find it. There is no salve for it or way to heal it… For I have tried all ways. It comes to this. I ask you now for your forgiveness, for you are the only one who can give it to me. You who are me. The greater part. The better part. Forgive me and I will be at peace."

"There's more to this than simple forgiveness, Kikyo. I forgave you a long time ago for everything you've done to my friends and me. But that's not the forgiveness you're talking about, is it? You're talking about forgiving you for being so weak… For trusting so deeply and that is something I simply cannot do." She walked to her and reached out and Kikyo did not pull away. Bits of her clay body began to fracture even more deeply and I held my breath in anticipation. "It is because of your trust without reservation that I have faith in this world at all. That was my lesson, I think… The lesson I learned from your lifetime passed onto me. I won't forgive you for that because it is the most important lesson I've ever learned. To have faith… What we need to learn, Kikyo, is how to let go."

"Let go?" She whispered as she felt the cracks deepen within her. The light of the souls she'd stolen began to flood through, making her glow from within.

"Yes. Let go."

Kikyo gasped as the cracks finally reached the center of her clay body. She crumbled to the ground and the fracture of Kagome's soul escaped along with the remaining souls that sustained Kikyo. The shard of light flooded into Kagome and she fell to her knees with a soft cry. She clutched her chest and tried to breathe as tears poured down her face. Inuyasha was backing away from her in horror but I could not leave her alone… She has always been my sister.

I held Kagome tightly to me as she wept. I did not see where Inuyasha had run, but he was gone. I rocked the girl in my arms and kissed her hair softly. "Oh… Kaede… She was so sad and alone… Every part of her ached for so long because we were kept apart… And now it's so still inside… So very still."

"Hold onto that stillness, my sweet girl." I breathed to her and diverted her gaze from the clay that had been my sister's temporary body shattered and heaped on the ground. "That stillness is strength. That stillness is faith."

She stands before me now, older, wiser, broken and rebuilt. Yet, it was not under her own power alone that she was rebuilt. What holds her is the love she knows and can finally see. She has found her strength again and, once more, I see my sister in her, but as my sister might have been. My sister as a woman fully matured with understanding that only life lessons can teach. I reach out and I touch her cheek gently. She leans into my palm and fingers and lets out a trembling sight shortly before her tears come and, once again, I cradle her in my arms and let her weep. There are no dragging sobs or aching cries from her, only the steady falling of her tears.

"I am sorry that I have been gone from ye for so long, child." I breathe and smile slightly when she laughs and pulls away to meet my gaze.

"You were doing what it was in your heart to do, Kaede. How can I fault you for that?" Her words are so steady and then the light shines in her eyes again and I can sense her stillness once more.

"I wondered when ye would find it again, Kagome."

Her eyes shimmer and she frowns in question at me. "I don't understand."

"That stillness within ye. The light, Kagome. The light ye shine every time ye look on the world. The greatest strength ye have ever possessed."

"Faith." She breathes in absolute awe and I cannot help but beam at her. A smile kisses her lips and I feel the part of me that has been so tight and caught up with fear for her relax and rest, as if I could finally rest as well in the knowledge that she had found her light again. "Trust in the world without any reservation… Without the need for it."

"It is what ye shall need, child. What ye and Rin and I shall need to face the darkness we seek to destroy. The very man… Naraku. Cause for all this pain endured by beloveds. It will bring us to the end."

"I don't understand." She sits lightly and I sit beside her. We have been given our privacy for this meeting for we both knew it would be necessary.

"Ye do not need to understand faith, child."

"What do I need to understand?"

I smile and look out into the night, noticing the moon as it rises in its full glory. "Ye need only understand who ye are and what ye are capable of."

"And you can't tell me that, can you?"

"It is the path of self discovery ye have been traversing for many years now. Whether ye know or barely grasp it, the understanding is there of what ye are able to do and ultimately let go of."

"Let go?" I see understanding flash through her eyes and then a flash of pain. When she speaks, it is in a whisper. "I don't think that I can do that."

"Ye will know, my sweet girl, when the time comes. Only then will ye be free to move on."

------

Dawn. The gray and black vision of night, devoid of color or sharpness, is washed away by the light of the morning. The first shimmers of red and gold and blue touch the world and night is chased away with an effortless grace. The world longs for light and color. The dark is too oppressive and bleak. The heart becomes heavy with fear and uncertainty in the night, except for those who understand its nature.

She had not slept. She had been sent to bed to rest and gather her strength for the oncoming task of destroying Naraku and rebuilding Inuyasha. It was not that she had intended to stay awake. To the contrary, she had intended to sleep and dream small dreams of some small happiness that might come with the destruction of Naraku. That was not to be, though. For, no matter how she twisted her thoughts, even the ultimate destruction of the once all powerful and dangerous evil hanyou would not bring the peace her father and mother sought. Nothing could buy back what Naraku had taken. Nothing could or would silence the evil he brought to their world.

"Kohaku…" She whispered the name with reverence. The first time she had met the boy, he had nearly killed her. He had threatened her in an attempt to goad Sesshomaru into killing him. He had wanted death for the evil Naraku had forced him to do in his name. And yet, even after nearly killing her, the boy had found his way into her heart and to Sesshomaru's side. She had walked through hell with him and both would have died had Sesshomaru not convinced his mother to bring them back from the overwhelming and embracing black of death. Still, he had died. He'd been taken from her and she had wept for him. She hadn't thought there would be an end to her tears for the boy demon slayer and then Shippo had come with Kagome to live with them. She hadn't forgotten him and yet she had moved on. She had healed and let go of her pain and was alive again. She had learned how to laugh again. They had been her dawn in what she had thought was an unending night. She had never thought to tell them so.

She stood slowly and went to the glass to tidy her appearance. A wan smile touched her lips as she noticed the dark circled beneath her eyes and the pallor of her appearance. She sighed and shook her head before combing out her hair to allow it freedom around her face. She had changed so much since the day that she had found herself at Sesshomaru's side. When she'd seen him wounded lying in the forest, she had thought she was looking at a god cast out of the heavens. When he'd saved her life and brought her back from the dead, she believed him to be an angel. When she had seen him broken, holding Kagome so close to him with such a lost look in his eyes, she saw him with true clarity as he fell from the heights she'd placed him on. With all his power, strength and the eternity the graces had given him, he was still only a man. In the darkness, stripped of color and light, he was only, simply a man who loved and dreamed and failed and somehow, in his darkest hour, that made him more in her mind than he had ever been before… Because she could touch him, finally. She could see him and understand him. He wasn't all that different from anyone else and so she was glad for the fall.

"Everything happens for a reason." She whispered and reached out to touch the glass and her pale countenance through the reflection. She felt guilt at the thought. To have placed, even momentarily, importance on the darkness that had befallen them all. And yet, it had been the answer to her prayers for so many years… Sesshomaru had finally abandoned care and taken Kagome as his own. Kagome had finally understood she loved Sesshomaru. Inuyasha had returned with all who had been thought dead and lost. There was a chance for healing and a new beginning. They'd been frozen in place for so long, and now the ice was beginning to thaw and they could live again. All of them. Maybe as it always should have been… And it never could have been without the darkness and the one who'd birthed it upon them. Naraku.

She was so tired. She gave herself that excuse for such dark and horrible thoughts, but then again, were they so horrible or simply, painfully clear and unhindered? "There is no darkness a single candle flame can not overcome, but without the dark places in the world, what purpose does light have?"

------

"When I was a child, my mother would read me stories before I went to sleep." She said softly, knowing there would be no response. Any response she might have received would have been twisted and cruel, in any case, so she had steeled herself for both silence and words. "They were beautiful stories… They always ended well even if they seemed horribly dark from the beginning and through the whole of the tale. I always wondered how such horrible things could happen and still end up so well… And that's when I began to become very suspect of stories that began once upon a time." She knelt beside his prone form, chained to the floor of her Lord's dojo. Fierce red eyes stared back at her with what she assumed was hatred and cruelty. She assumed because she couldn't have dreamed of the violence that lived inside of him, housed in their combined flesh.

Inuyasha had set Naraku free once he was restrained so that Kagome wouldn't inflict the pain she knew would come with Naraku's ending upon her dearest friend. Outside were her friends, her family and her lover; all waiting while the young woman she called her daughter and elderly miko she thought of as her grandmother knelt on either side of her. She reached out and smoothed a strand of ebony silk from the dark one's brow. "I should have known from the day that I fell through the well that I was caught up in that kind of story. I should have known that I would be tested again and again before I had any kind of happily ever after… And I wonder if this is even that. I wonder if killing you will end my trials and agonies and the pain of the ones I love or if it will just begin a new set of trials… I don't know. I can't know. Not until you're gone. Not until I've ended you completely and set my friend free. Your trials will end… You will end and we'll all still be trapped here trying to find a resolution… How is that fair?"

"The world isn't fair, Kagome." Kaede whispered to the child beside her before placing her withered hand on the miko's shoulder. "Fairness is not a quality that the world knows. It is one humanity make so their own world has some meaning… Some form other than chaos."

"But it should be fair, Kaede… There's so much pain and cruelty…"

"But it doesn't have to touch you, Mama." She whispered before resting her hand on the miko's other shoulder. Kagome trembled and Rin gently gripped where her hand rested. "Do what is in your heart to do."

"In my heart." She breathed and met her pure blue gaze with his fierce ruby ones. Naraku. Her nemesis. The creator of her pain. The wolf wooing her in the forest, diverting her eyes from the truth… From her path.

She had always assumed that she had been diverted, but had she really? When all was said and done and she looked back at this moment, would she be able to say that she had truly left her path at all. And what was a path through the woods anyways but the safest course lay out by those who had forged the darkness long before? They were safest according to the first ones who dared to enter the forest… But were they right? Was their way right? You ran into so much terror when diverting from the path, but also so much beauty that was missed because of fear.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep…"

"Mama?" Rin's voice was soft, an echo of Kagome's.

"I'm not afraid of you." She breathed, ignoring the concerned eyes on her, ignoring his bloody eyes on her framed in a beloved's face."I want to tell you a story, Naraku, but you have to listen carefully, or you'll never understand it."

"Kill me and be done with it."

"No." She said simply, bowing her head but not leaving his gaze. "Because, when you are no more, it will never be done. The harm you've caused will never be over and forgotten. You have to atone and your death won't buy that kind of peace. No level of pain I could show you might because you'd never feel remorse. You'd never be sorry."

He scoffed but his soul ached for her words. "You are correct."

"Am I?" She asked softly as her lips tugged into a wry smile. "There are miles to go, Naraku… And I will not rest until I've kept my promises. To my beloveds and to myself. I intend to end this now."

"And no story, then?" He asked with an acidic tone.

"Oh, no… I do have a story for you. You might even learn something from it."

"I doubt it."

"Be patient." She said softly and the look in her eyes, the look that had been in her eyes when he dreamed and she had told the boy he had once been not to touch him, scalded him. "You don't know everything… So maybe I should begin." Her hands began to glow pink as she reached out and began to focus on the flesh, slowly burning it away like a malignancy. The flesh of the one not welcome. The unwanted. And with it she replaced flesh of one pure of blood and entirely welcome.

He cried out softly, then whimpered and focused on the pain. He deserved it. He wanted it. It was his penance for destroying her. His mind suddenly focused on her voice as she began to speak. "Once, a very long time ago there was a poor boy with a very harsh master. In the dead of winter, he was ordered to go out into the snow to fetch firewood. He dare not deny his master and so, in threadbare clothing and shoes cut with holes in their bottoms, he faced the weather. But all he could think of was being back inside where the fire was crackling and begging for more wood, and so he decided to dig into the earth and make a small fire of his own first to warm himself slightly before he returned to his master's house with the pile of wood." He cried out, his eyes flashing open and with them a bright pink light glowed behind the ruby red. Kaede and Rin held Kagome's shoulders tightly. Soon it would be done. "He scraped into the earth and, suddenly, found a small golden key. He thought, perhaps, if there was a key, surely there would be a box to unlock and so he dug and found an iron safe. His mind raced with thoughts of what might be within the box and so searched for a hole to place the key. Finally, after much searching, his hair frozen with fallen snow, his feet icy and blackening at the tips and his fingers trembling with convulsions from the cold, he slipped the tiny golden key into the dark, black, iron box's nearly invisible hole and turned…"

He screamed and writhed against his bindings, only to be torn from his shared body, now pale with silvered hair and jagged lavender markings adorning a familiar and yet entirely new face. He could see the body of his most hated enemy beneath him and wondered how he could still be alive. He tried to ask the question, turning his attention to the miko, the beautiful dream woman he had ached to touch and destroy. The woman he loved. Tears were streaming down her face and in her pure blue eyes; he could see the glow of some bright light. And then he realized, she hadn't destroyed him. She'd saved him. He couldn't speak, couldn't whisper he was sorry. Free of his dark immortal coil, he found himself mute. And then she smiled at him.

Kagome looked at the faint, fluttering ember of a soul in her hands and began to feed what was once the feared monster from her fairy tale life energy so that he could be reincarnated. She felt his apology and more tears fell. Her whole body shook as she felt the wave of love and awe he sent her and, in an instant, she forgave him. "And what he found in that box, what wonders he saw and knew we shall see when he finally finds the strength to open the dark chest… I gave you your golden key. Now you have to face your own dark box, Onigumo. I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself. Be reborn and find me. Be my friend. Be their friend and win their forgiveness, for it will not be so easily gained as mine."

Her eyes were becoming blurred by light. Something was pulling him away, but he wasn't afraid. He only did not want to leave her, but he knew he'd find her again and he'd make it right. He'd earn the forgiveness she'd given him as well as her beloved friend's forgiveness. There was no other way… And he was so very happy to be wrong.


	17. Haru Chikashi

IHaru Chikashi (Nearly Spring)/I

_Haru Chikashi (Nearly Spring)_

"The world is a wheel, I am told, and we all strapped to it as it turns. One moment we are at its peak kissed by the sun and the next we are being dragged through the mud with aching lungs, waiting and praying for the next time we might be able to breathe. The world is a wheel. A messy, painful**,** tease of a wheel and we are all strapped to it until we perish."

"Do you believe that, Inuyasha?" She watched him with her ruby eyes and a tilted head as she leaned against a plum tree in the Lord's garden.

He turned sad golden eyes on the neko youkai. His face was now as flawless as his brother's**,** with the jagged markings of his father, but his eyes still resembled those of his human mother. His canine ears were missing and his body had grown slightly taller and filled out through the torso. He looked more like the man she had always known he would become and less the love struck boy aching for someone to want him.

"How else could it be, Kirara? I am standing here free of Naraku. In the palace Miroku, Sango and Hitomi are the family they should have always been, free and able to make their ways through time… Even if I could not remove their immortality. Kouga and Ayame are free as well to follow their own paths…

"We are in the sunlight now, and yet**,** what have we lost? The old hag, Kaede, is being prepared for burial and Rin can barely eat or sit up alone. **And** Kagome… Kagome hasn't woken up yet. When I opened my eyes, she was laying over me, breathing so shallowly I couldn't even hear her at first or sense her heartbeat…

"Just for a moment I'd like to be free of the world so I could break the spokes and cut her bindings. She doesn't deserve what she's been dealt, Kirara. She never did."

"If the world is a wheel, Inuyasha, she will have her moment in the sun soon." The neko youkai moved next to him and gracefully laid a hand on his wrist. He turned his hand and wove their fingers together in a loose but encompassing hold.

"I want her to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted."

"She could say the same of you."

He looked down at her smaller figure and gently grasped her hand a bit tighter. Freedom from Naraku had brought him greater insight into his heart and his world. He realized with a sudden ache that though he'd always loved Kagome, he'd never truly ached for her or been obsessed over her like he had with Kikyo. Even Naraku had shown more passion toward both her and Kikyo than he had. Naraku had been speaking the truth. He had loved selfishly**,** as a boy would love. Now his heart was more open and ready to welcome new possibilities.

"Where do we go now?"

Kirara smiled secretively. "Wherever we wish, Inuyasha. Our quests are of our own making and choosing. We make our own paths now."

--

"If you could take it back… Make different choices… Would you, Kouga?"

He looked up from the still form draped with silk atop the table to the auburn haired she-wolf standing in the open doorway.

"What are you asking Ayame?"

She took a step forward into the room and her eyes fell to the table and the corpse upon it covered in white.

"Knowing what we know… Having been where we've been… Would you have made your promise to me all those years ago? You've fought being tied to your word for so long, I wonder if it was because you regretted it or if you were simply afraid of what it meant for you… Belonging to someone. Belonging to me."

He studied her as she reached out and smoothed the silk over the dead human woman. She was entirely beautiful. At one time he thought that was enough… He hadn't known there was more. He hadn't known to question if there was more out there in the world. He hadn't cared. She seemed everything he could have ever wanted even when she was no more than a child.

"Perhaps…"

"What if it meant not having come to this point?"

"You mean… If I was not here with you in this room with the corpse of a woman who ensured, by sacrificing herself, that I and you could be free?"

"No, I mean… If… If you knew this was going to be your future, would you have made different choices?" Her voice seemed weak and searching, but for what he could not tell.

"I don't know, Ayame." His voice sounded hollow in her ears. "But if I were to choose between the unknown and this… I'd choose this."

Her eyes widened and met his in disbelief. "You would?"

He nodded and smiled sadly. "I know my footing this way. I can see where I'm going here… What if only obscures the now. Questioning what I might have done differently doesn't make things clearer. It only makes us regret and forget why we've kept going up until now."

"Why have we?"

He moved to her and gathered her in his arms. She didn't protest and leaned easily into his embrace. She reminded him of the girl she'd once been, the one who'd clung to him under the lunar rainbow and she was suddenly just as dear to him again.

"Because we're still searching, Ayame. We're looking for our way and until we find it, I promise we'll run together."

"Why? I thought you wanted to get rid of me."

He smirked and sighed softly. He reached down and guided her by her chin until they were gazing into each other's eyes. "We are wolves, Ayame. Ookami… Pack. We aren't meant to run through the world alone. We won't ever be lovers again, but I promise I won't ever leave you alone."

--

Sometimes, when he looked at her face, he thought he could see the divine. It was when she smiled or when something caught her eye and she believed it to be a miracle. Or when she looked at him and said, with such awe and warmth "I love you, Daddy." Those were the moments he could see the divine in his baby girl. She had accepted in a strange way that Kaede, the woman who had raised her, was dead. She had cried with them, but they were the tears of acceptance not of mourning.

"I can't cry too much for her… She made me promise I wouldn't." Hitomi had explained on account of their curious expressions. "She told me she loved me very much and that her time was coming closer even before Kirara came to get us. She said that I should cry then so I wouldn't cry so much after she was gone. That way I could be happy for my parents and their friends rather than sad for losing her."

The snow was melting. The sun had slipped into a nearly clear sky that morning, the morning after Naraku was ended and they were freed. Rivulets of water slipped down the icicles as the mountains of snowflakes on the roof tops melted away into clear, pure liquid that shimmered in the sunlight. Hitomi had called them kamis' tears and he had to agree. The kamis were weeping for Kaede's departure before the beauty of spring could again delight her failing eyes.

The girl was dozing on their bed after eating a filling lunch and he sat next to the window, staring at the slowly fading white blanket over the earth. Sango knelt and sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. Their hands joined where they touched next to each other in a tight, fast grip.

"We're free, Miroku."

"We are free of our bonds to Inuyasha and Naraku, but we are not truly free, Sango, my love. We are beholden to our immortality now."

She sighed and closed her eyes. "What worries you? We should be happy."

"We have immortality, Sango. We shall never need fear saying goodbye to our friends, but we will one day be forced to bury our daughter. Her lifetime seems so finite to me even though she is only at the beginning of it. Inuyasha once told me that even as a hanyou with his human blood, time had very little meaning for him. He was just over two hundred years old when Kikyo pinned him to the tree and yet that time had felt like the span of a decade or two."

"You are afraid it will be the same for us."

"Shouldn't I be?"

"No." Her voice was so sure. He looked down on her face. She seemed so placid and still with her eyes closed and her head still resting on his shoulder.

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because Inuyasha had no one to live that time with, Miroku. He had no one to make it long for him. No one to focus on and so the world moved by him so quickly he barely noticed." She looked up and smiled faintly to him. "We have Hitomi. We will ensure each of her days is a lifetime for us and, kamis be kind, somehow she'll be granted the ability to stay with us. But I will not think on losing our daughter when we only have just gotten her back."

He smiled. "How is it that you see so much light? So much more than me?"

"That's the difference between us, Miroku. Even with your loss, your heart lived in a bright, sunny space. You could enjoy your life. You could see light in everything and brought light to everyone you met and touched. With my loss, I became locked in a dark room, devoid of light and so… My eyes became adjusted to increments of brightness I was allowed. It's hard for people who live in the light to really feel its warmth or note its brightness, but for people like me… I'm in the sunlight, Miroku. It doesn't matter whether it is brighter or warmer than it was before, I am in the light and that's all that matters to me."

He nodded and leaned to kiss her gently on her cheek, then her lips chastely, then with a soft passion that always burned within him for her. It was an eternal fire, even in the coldest nights of winter. She curled into his embrace and he sighed softly, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair. It would be alright, his heart told him, echoing her truth. Everything would be alright.

--

"Tell me a story, Shippo."

He looked down at her pale form that'd lain so still for so long. He'd helped her eat only a few hours before and she'd fallen into a deep sleep shortly thereafter. He smiled faintly and reached out to sweep her hair from her face. He knew it was not appropriate for him to be alone with her, tending her so closely, but she had refused to accept help from anyone besides Jaken.

The poor toad was at his wit's end trying to keep the staff on task. It had been the case, also, when Kagome had been under the power of the yukionna, Izayoi. Sesshomaru and Shippo had gone to save her and the staff had fallen into a shambles. Neither the taiyoukai nor the kitsune would have ever known had Rin not relayed the story to them.

Over the years, the servants of the great Lord Sesshomaru had come to see the sad, gentle, beautiful and kind miko as their lady**.** When she fell, they'd tended to her diligently and their other daily tasks had suffered. It was the same now that she would not wake and Rin, the human child both Jaken and the palace staff saw as their lord's daughter, was so weak and ill. Perhaps it was even worse considering Rin would only accept help and company from her kitsune companion and the toad whose day was filled with other duties and their lord would not allow any other than himself near Kagome.

"What story would you like me to tell, Rin?" He asked in a soft voice.

"Your favorite."

A faint smile touched the corners of his mouth as he regarded her. "Very well… Once upon a time…"

"This is one of Mama's stories."

His smile deepened slightly. "Yes. Now let me tell it."

Her eyes warmed and she nodded. "Of course."

"Once upon a time, there was a queen who longed to have a child. One morning, a frog jumped out of a pond and told her that, upon the spring's first rose bloom, she would give birth to a child more beautiful than any other…"

"A frog told her this." She was fighting back laughter.

He flicked her nose. "Be still, or do you want me to stop telling you the story and simply tickle you until you yield?"

She laughed, and then covered her mouth with both hands to stifle her giggles. He gently pulled down her hands away and took in her brilliant smile.

"Don't ever hide that. You make the sun shine with your smile."

She blushed, sufficiently silenced by his words. He wondered how he could have missed how rosy her cheeks got when she was embarrassed, but dismissed it before continuing.

"Sure enough, when spring came and the first rose bloomed, she gave birth to a daughter more beautiful than any other ever born. In honor of her birth, she was named Rosemond and a great party was set with all the faerie godmothers in the land invited except for the most wicked. She took insult at her lack of an invitation, and arrived unannounced at the celebration where she cursed Rosemond to die after pricking her finger on the needle of a spinning wheel."

"What's a spinning wheel?"

"Mama said that it was a great wheel that people in a place called Europe used to make yarn and thread. It had a needle on it called a spindle that spun and was used to collect the thread or yarn onto it…"

Once Rin nodded in understanding, Shippo continued with the story.

"Once the dark faerie had gone, the last faerie godmother who hadn't yet given Rosemond her gift stepped forward to console the grieving king and queen. She said that she could not reverse the curse, but she could alter it so that their daughter would not die, only sleep a hundred years while their palace was caught in slumber as well. She would wake upon the kiss of the one who was most worthy**,** as would the rest of the palace.

"Even with this assurance, the king had all the spinning wheels in his kingdom burned and banished the spinners to other countries. Still, on Rosemond's fifteenth birthday, the dark faerie created an enchantment and made a spinning wheel with her magic, luring the beautiful princess to her doom. The princess, curious about the spinning wheel, which she had never seen before, touched the spindle and, shortly, fell into a deep slumber. With her, also, fell into stasis the whole palace and around it a great briar of thick, deadly thorns rose up.

"For a hundred years, different princes attempted to free the palace only to die from the wicked thorns of the briar. Finally**,** a valiant prince approached the palace on the anniversary of the hundredth year, the very day of Rosemond's birth. The briar bloomed into bright red roses and the thorns receded until a pathway was made to the room where Rosemond had fallen asleep. The prince entered it and found the beautiful princess inside. He looked upon her face and fell instantly in love with her. Kneeling at her side, he bowed his head and kissed her gently, only to find her waking in his arms. As her eyes fell on him the enchantment lifted and the palace awakened**,** bringing joy to the land. Free of the curse, Rosemond and her prince lived happily ever after."

Shippo looked down, noting that Rin's smile had faded and was replaced with a frown. "What is it, Rin? Didn't you like the story?"

"It wasn't that… I liked it, it's just… There was so much pain and death and darkness between the once upon a time and happily ever after… I know that's how the stories that Mama tell go, but it just seems like, after all that, there should be more. I know that Rosemond and her prince were happy in the end, but we went through it with them as we heard their story. Shouldn't we get a little bit more than three words promising that everything else was peace and joy afterward?"

She blinked back tears, her weariness getting the better of her. "Shouldn't there be more to it?"

He frowned at the shimmer in her gaze and leaned to press his brow against hers, whispering reassuringly.

"Rin, it's only a story. It was the one Kagome would tell me when I was small to help me sleep. When I was a young kitsune, those three words were enough for me. They were enough to make the world right again, but you are smart to be wary of stories that begin with 'Once upon a time'. They're always the ones that put you through hell to get the good ending."

"Do you think that they'll have a good ending, Shippo?"

_Them_, meaning their parents - Kagome and Sesshomaru. "In real life, Rin, the wheel never stops turning. We are up and we are down. One thing you can always count on is that Kagome and Sesshomaru will make it back up to the top. They're strong, even if they forget that fact sometimes."

"But will they have a happily ever after?" Her eyes sparkled with a glimmer of hope he couldn't ignore.

"They won't have one, Rin, they'll make their own. And we'll be there to see it."

--

Her eyelids fluttered, like butterfly wings against the wind, to begin with. Then there was a flash of deep cerulean that was quickly curtained only to flutter again against the waking breeze. He watched her stir, enrapt by the fragility of her waking and how beautiful she was even when weak and drained of her own life. There was infinite joy at her slow progress toward wakefulness, but there was also sorrow. He didn't know how to tell her that the elder miko was dead so that she could live. The right words he should use to tell her, the ones that would save her from further harm, seemed to evade him. Torn between aching to hear her voice once again breathing his name and the pain he knew he would cause her by speaking the truth, he nearly missed the moment when her eyes opened fully and fixed upon his face.

"She's gone."

Her words were not what he'd expected. A few shimmering tears slipped into her hair when he nodded and then her features were flooded with acceptance, but not the pain he had feared.

"She said goodbye to me in my mind. She said to be strong and to allow myself to love as she and her sister were fated to never love. She said to let go and forgive myself even though there was nothing to forgive in the first place."

"She was very wise," he replied in a low whisper. Leaning down, he pressed his brow against hers.

"I can only hope to have her wisdom someday," she murmured in response. Her slender hands slipped into his hair, tracing his ears absently before tangling lightly at the nape of his neck. He trembled and released a staggering breath of relief.

"Were you afraid?"

"You know."

He managed, wrapping his arms around her. He could never say how terrified he had been seeing her crumpled across his brother, the bastard who had cost him so much even before he'd made his way into the world. He knew some part of him would always hate Inuyasha, but even more so, he knew there would be a greater part that would accept and respect him for the strength he had shown by setting Kagome free and accepting their love for each other.

Even so, his hatred had won out when he'd seen her, so very near death, with Rin collapsed against her mother, also lost to a comatose dark. There had been no words that could have encompassed his rage and pain and terror even if he had intended on speaking them. What else did he have to fight for? What else did he have to live for?

"You know," he whispered once more.

He could feel her faint smile against his lips before she kissed him tenderly. He returned the kiss tenderly at first, then deepened it, infusing their connection with passion and the same burning need he had felt for her for so long. He felt her power dance along his lips and even into his mouth. He reveled in her sigh and how she so compliantly pressed and arched into his form even in her weakened state. He gently wove his hands with hers and pressed her against the bed, continuing to delve into the sweetness of her kiss. He pulled back slowly and met her hooded gaze with breathless reverence.

"All I have will fade in time. Wood will rot and swords will rust, the land will shift and history will become a fable. All that is mortal and of this world I might promise you will be broken and fall away, except the oath of my soul and the honor of my heart. I give these two things to you. Will you take them?"

Her breath caught in her throat. She'd read the words before, on a scrap of paper in one of her father's books. "Where did you… I know those words…"

"They are an immortal's bond, Kagome. It is the promise my kind make to mortals… The first step in sealing themselves together so that time and death can never separate them," he answered her softly**,** noting the confusion and wonder in her eyes.

"Kagome, you must answer."

She trembled and nodded several times before she could voice the words. "Yes, I will take them. Without reservations, I take them."

"I ask for nothing in return, expecting only…"

"…Eternity with you," she murmured with him and noticed the surprise in his gaze. "I know the words, Sesshomaru."

"How? They are sacred and are not meant to be written down or said without intent."

"My father had them written down and placed them in one of his history books. I remember finding it and asking my mother about it." Her eyes shimmered and she laughed a short, soft laugh.

"She said they had been his wedding vows, that he'd stayed up all night and then, like lightning, they'd just come to him. I guess we'll never really know, will we?"

"Some things, I suppose, are meant to be a mystery."

She smiled and reached up to run her fingers delicately through his hair.

"All I have will fade in time. Wood will rot and swords will rust, the land will shift and history will become a fable. All that is mortal and of this world I might promise you will be broken and fall away, except the oath of my soul and the honor of my heart. I give these two things to you. Will you take them?"

"Kagome, the bond is half forged already. You do not need to vow as well."

"Maru, you need to answer," she murmured without jest or play.

He smiled and kissed her brow before responding. "Yes. I take them without hesitation."

"I ask for nothing in return, expecting only eternity with you."

Their energies surged between them and wove seamlessly together, causing both to cry out in surprise and delight. Pleasure surged between them as their lives became one and their souls forever bridged together through time and space. The light that had poured between them slowly faded until all that remained was the soft glow of candles in their room and the sound of their gasping sighs as they clung to each other.

Hands began to seek and lips touched. Tongues danced and silk slipped away. Skin touched and sighs echoed in their ears as their dance began. She did not feel pain as he slid deeply within her, nor did the memory of what took her first pain touch her mind. There was only him in the moment and, in turn, only her in his mind. What din of cries and groans of rapture were soft and barely more than for their ears. As with so many other times, there were no words that could express the light between them, so their softest sighs and breathless moans encapsulated more bliss than most would ever know.

And from their many matings that evening and the next day, there came life and with that life, pain was eased and true joy was known. And with their joy so was wrought the joy of their beloveds and family enough that it was thought any hardship could be lived through, not simply endured.

Such is the way of happily ever after: we believe in, not simply hope for, a just ending.


	18. Setsubun

ISetsubun (The Last Day of Winter)/I

_Setsubun (The Last Day of Winter)_

"Once upon a time, there was a man and woman who loved each other very much. They wanted children and because they were very good and loving people, the kamis gave them a beautiful daughter with raven hair and deep, magical blue eyes.

"Unknown to her parents, she had been chosen for a long and difficult journey. Within her, she carried a mystical crystal orb made of light and darkness, which balanced the world to the will of its wielder. When she was very young, shortly after the birth of her brother, her father died and she was left to be strong for everyone."

_He could not watch him die. He could not do it for fear that he might try to save him and, by saving him, change her future and his own. The world might be so different, he never would have met her. On the same note, it might be no different at all except she would still have her father. He could never know. The risk was simply too high. Instead, he hid beneath the sill on the far side of her home and waited for the news to come. _

_He waited as she cried into her mother's arms. He waited until she had cried herself to sleep. And then he had slipped into her room and sat where he knew Inuyasha __would sit on__ so many nights__**,**__ years into this future but centuries into her past. __He__ sang __softly __to her as he watched her sleep. She was so innocent. She was a child of light and warmth. He swore to himself then that he would protect this child that would become his love with his very life. She was his life even if she did not know it yet. _

_When a soft smile __crept__ onto her pale face, he leaned __down __and kissed her brow before slipping back through the window and into the night._

"And so she was strong. She lived for her family and friends, but never for herself. She almost forgot what it was like to be a child, except when the snow fell. Then she became a child again and with her childish reverie came her carelessness."

She was spinning. Spinning in the snow and the two were dancing together, her midnight darkness in reverie with the pure unblemished falling white. He could not help but smile sadly as he recalled such spinning long before in the first snows of winter. His heart twisted with the memory. The innocence of spinning in the snow had been lost, then. He thought he'd never see the same kind of magic again coming from her. He was pleased and saddened to be wrong.

_Her spinning moved closer to the sill and the banister on the stairs. His eyes widened as her hand hit the wooden planks and she began to fall backward in the __same __way __that__ the icicles __had begun__ to fall. He moved with __a level of __speed he had not used in __centuries to pull__ her back __from the brink and __slip back into the trees without being seen by her __or her __frantic mother. He watched as she walked into the house, __once __again __an__ adult in child's flesh, __and comforted her__ distraught mother __while she closed the door behind her__. _

Moments later he saw her at the window and heard her soft words. He could not help but smile in genuine happiness. "I will always protect you." He replied softly, knowing she would not hear nor even know for many years that he would always stand beside her, but pleased he could be her protector.

"Unknown to her, a beast came to love her throughout time. He protected her though she never was aware of it. He ensured she could complete her purpose. He was the rock beneath her feet and the tree at her back holding her straight and tall. He lived outside the realm of magic where his court and those closest to him resided, choosing a life among mortals for her sake even though he could never truly be among them. He watched as she began her quest and continued to protect her silently, knowing that he would always be beside her even if it was difficult sometimes."

_It was her first day at his school. He had known, in time, she would need him. She had told him the story of her many illnesses in school. He had to wonder how any school master would allow such tardiness with so little objection or investigation. He decided not to discover how it was possible and, instead, ensured that he was said school master or principle, as they called them, so he could make sure there never was any question. _

_It did not take too much work to become so. He was naturally charismatic and highly intelligent. Those facts coupled with being terrifying when he wanted to be, a trait that demanded the respect of the student body, and the fact that he had cultivated many connections in the school district over the years__, ensured that obtaining__ his position was an easy task._

_He looked at the list of the incoming class with a faint smile touching his lips. Her name. Higurashi Kagome. He reached out and allowed his fingers to caress the curves and lines of her name. He read down a few more names and his smile faded. The name glared at him and he struggled not to shred the paper. Hojo Hiroshi. He'd met the boy several times before when his father had come to his home and each time he became more and more aware of the aura of the child. Each time after the first time the boy had brought a bouquet of pale lavender iris and had set them by her bedside stand. Even dedicated to his studies, he sent the flowers along with his father and, as Kagome had progressed in school, the boy had doted on her so greatly he had found it difficult not to ensure the boy's demise. _

_It wasn't because Hojo so obviously showed favoritism toward Sesshomaru's beloved. That fact almost amused him. It was because of who he had been and the inuyoukai knew it was so. He fought his disgust and hatred of the boy. He tried to forgive him as he knew Kagome would have wanted. Still, there was only hatred._

He looked up at the clock on his desk, then stood and settled his gaze on the school gate. It didn't take long. Perhaps this would be the only few days she would be prompt to school. Soon it would be her birthday. Soon her great adventure would begin and he would have to wait for her, enduring his brother's presence and masking his presence fully when the annoying little bastard made his way onto the grounds.

He traced along her long ebony hair lightly on the glass of the window, distanced by two stories and several hundred yards. For a moment, she paused and looked up. He could have sworn their eyes met, however, she looked away and shook her head before running to catch up with her friends. Someday she would know. Someday he would tell her. For now he would have to wait and be patient.

"She went through many trials, enduring much with little promise of success. Always she remained filled with love and devotion and, when her hope faded, the beast ensured he was there to kindle it once more. In two eras he protected her. In two times he ensured her safety until, finally, the door between times was closed and there was only the beast at her side, waiting for her to wake."

They had retreated into the shadow world, the space between the divine and earthly realms for their own protection centuries before there was a need. She was always at his side, always near him. They watched their adoptive son and daughter grow up and fall in love. They watched their birth children grow up to make them proud. They watched their immortal friends' child learn to love their friend, the ookami Kouga**,** so that her parents never needed to bid her farewell because of mortality. They watched as Inuyasha and Kirara joined together eternally. They watched as Ayame silently sat in vigil at the gates between worlds, allowing access to those fleeing the banality of the oncoming future. They watched and they were happy.

_Time passed as it is known to do and soon it was the present. They had thought being beyond the earthly realm they would escape the paradox of her existing twice within the same time. They had been wrong. It had been his mother who, in an uncharacteristic show of kindness, had discovered the answer. If she existed in the earthly realm, but in a deep sleep where her mind and soul could be housed in the one body, the girl who would move through time, she would ensure that time did not unravel. _

_And so the immortal rulers of the realm between returned to the earthly realm while her prior self was still new in her mother's womb. She was put into a deep sleep and kept safe in a home that Sesshomaru had commissioned. A doctor was paid to come and tend her without asking questions about her condition. He was simply employed to keep her nourished and healthy while in her comatose state. Every day Sesshomaru would tend her youthful form and each night he would curl onto their bed next to her and tell her the story of his time protecting her. Several times, the doctor brought his young son with him. The boy carried the soul of his long dead nemesis, however he remembered his promise to his beloved and so never brought him to harm._

He waited. Waited for the day that she would descend through the well and it would close and his beloved would waken again and look at him once more with her eyes sparkling in joy. He waited, afraid the day might never come. That she would remain lost in the cycle of death and rebirth forever and he would have to walk through time alone. It was the only fear he voiced in his life and only when he was alone with his face gently pressed into her neck as she slept, almost certain she could not hear him. He was afraid, but he knew he must have hope. She had promised to always return to him.

He reached out and brushed the hair from her face. She was so deathly still. "I am still waiting, my love. I'm waiting for you to come back to me."

"Father."

"Not now, Rin." He whispered without looking to the door. They had all come. They were all waiting for her to waken. It had been nearly a month since the well had closed forever and she had not even fluttered her eyes.

"But, Father, her doctor is here…" Her pause caught his attention and he looked up to see the concern in her eyes. "And so is his son. He is going to England for college. He wanted to say goodbye to her… Father, I think he…"

"He is Onigumo, Rin. I have known for a very long time. He was always kind and respectful to Kagome in either of her vessels. I cannot dispel my hatred of him, but I do respect him." He stood and smoothed his bangs from where they had fallen when he'd run a hand through them earlier. "They may come."

Rin nodded faintly without another word. Moments later, the two gentlemen entered, one with his small black case and the other with a vase of pale lavender orchids which he, as always, set on her beside stand. He stared at her for a very long time and then turned to Sesshomaru once his father had finished his examination and retreated to the sitting room for coffee before they departed.

"I haven't ever said this to you before, but… The resemblance of your wife to a friend of mine is uncanny."

"Oh?" He asked, not particularly caring for the course of their discussion.

"Yes. Which is remarkable unto its self because both of them resemble a woman from my dreams… A kind and beautiful woman who only wished me well."

He paused and looked on her again with a kind of tenderness Sesshomaru could not place. "She told me a story about a boy who found a golden key that was a key to a magical box… It ended when he was just about to open the box. A strange story, I know. It's actually one of the Grimm's Faerie Tales. One of the few that don't end with a witty moral or the proverbial happily ever after nonsense. I always wondered why she told it to me. Why I dreamed of someone telling me that story and why, in my life, I've met two women who remind me so much of her… This dream girl. My guide."

Sesshomaru tilted his head in contemplation as silence overtook the man who had once so easily attempted to destroy the same woman who had become a sage to him in his current life. "Have you ever found your answer?"

He shook his head in response, and then smiled a sad smile. "It isn't what's inside the box that matters. The box is empty except for what we put into it with our dreams and hopes for the future. The golden key is the promise of accessing the truth we hold deep in our souls. What I've learned from the story, and from the woman who told it to me**,** is that life is not always a clear cut path. Sometimes it is dark and overgrown.

"Most people would just give up and stay where they were when faced with those kinds of odds… Getting lost or eaten in a wood so deep and treacherous, but it's the promise of what is on the other side that keeps us going and, sometimes, a voice in the darkness that beckons us back to the proper direction."

He turned his gaze again to the inuyoukai who was listening to him so intently. "Sometimes… All we need to find our way is a light in the darkness or a voice in the night."

Sessomaru studied the man in front of him and felt some of his hatred begin to melt away. "I wish you good luck in your education, Hojo. Please keep in touch."

The boy smiled and bowed to the taller man before exiting the room and leaving the inuyoukai with his mate. He sat on her bed slowly and carefully gathered her into his arms. He kissed her brow and her eyes softly, whispering her name like a prayer with every brush of his lips on her face.

"Come back to me," he murmured, and then captured her mouth in a deep kiss, calling to her with all he was and all she had ever meant to him.

So deep was his desperation to reach her that he barely noticed at first as her arms slipped around his neck and she tenderly returned his kiss. He did not notice her sighs, fearing they might be a dream and that he would awaken to find her limp in his embrace. It took him several moments to find the strength to pull back enough to meet her gaze.

She looked at him with sleepy but shimmering cobalt eyes and a smile filled with infinite warmth**,** even as tears slipped down her face. He was not entirely certain how many of them were his. She reached out and smoothed his jaw reverently and then, in a weak whisper that was not yet strong enough to reflect her usual clear tone, she spoke to him.

"Were you afraid?"

He smiled and nodded once before gathering her tightly against his chest. "I was lost."

"You found me."

To my beloved readers, I promise five other episodes to this story to fill in the gaps between chapter eighteen and chapter nineteen. As for this Kaidan, we have reached our end and all there is left to say is "and they all lived happily ever after."


End file.
